My Best Friend May Be A Weapon

August X,

Dear “Diary,”

We have been using this profile as an insight into our investigation into Subject 25, codename: TV Head. Thankfully, due to the way this handheld electronic diary is set up, we can hack into it for information. Currently, we have decided to use it as a compilation record of events. As such, we cannot allow there to be holes in this story. Thankfully, Ava does not look back at her previous posts, and if she did try, this entry would not appear.

Since I am closest to the subject, I will hereby be making posts that relate to me and/or the U.S. government’s relationship with the subject in terms of events. I, Agent Duncan Johnson, of sound mind and body, hereby accept this mission to type in complete honesty about these events in their entirety.

First, I’d like to clear up a gap in her story. Through no fault of her own, Ava cannot remember the night she broke her ribs.

For security reasons, we follow Phil everywhere he goes at all times. His condition is not only confusing to us but to the entire world in general. His very existence challenges everything we know about the world and the universe we live in.

Usually, we attempt to understand him more without disrupting his daily routine. This is for his comfort, but it also keeps people who might want to harm or kidnap him from discovering the extent of his protection.

Since his worldwide debut, there have been over 4,287 different attempts to acquire Phil by various organizations. These groups range from shadow organizations and secret cults to national governments and large corporations.

We have kept a close watch on him and his family, so when his younger sister was attacked, it became a major security concern.

When we witnessed Phil move at a speed that seemed like teleportation—crossing six blocks to help his sister—a secret fear of ours was confirmed.

Phil is a weapon.

And any weapon that no one understands is a weapon that everyone wants.

From our drone footage, we saw Phil literally blow a hole in the wall of the store he was at, then fly in a direct path to where his sister was. 

After he shoved the fatter assailant and made the thinner one drop his sister, they both jumped on top of him. Their bodies molded together into some kind of paste covering him.

Then, Ava stood up with glowing eyes. A small tornado formed around her, blowing most of the debris on the roof away, but the assailants didn't seem to care. A massive amount of light started glowing from hand and in it formed a remote of some kind. She pointed it at the goo that surrounded Phil- I mean, "TV Head", and pressed a button. 

Suddenly a beam of light shot out from his screen. It was so powerful that the assailants were friend instantly. Their burnt goo bodies began to turn into bubbles and disappear. Before it was all gone a hand and face appeared in the goo.

It grabbed TV Head and told him something.

He knocked the first assailant off the roof.

The assailant, while midair, then turned rainbow-colored and seemed to evaporate into bubbles.

As an agent of the government, I am trained to handle many different situations, but I must honestly say—I have no idea how to even begin to explain this.

When Phil punched the larger assailant, the man rolled but immediately sprang back up. He lunged at Phil, but Phil countered with what looked like a front-flip kick, slamming the man’s face into the ground.

Phil then slowly turned the man over.

The man pulled Phil’s head down toward his own, whispered something, and then Phil punched his face. The larger man also bubbled away.

Seeing this, we immediately scrambled to plan how to bring Phil in.

We already had enough on our plate without him suddenly developing superpowers.

Luckily, Phil texted me after dialing 911 for his sister. Because of this, my involvement in the situation did not seem suspicious.

He asked me to protect his sister while he went home to hide. I accepted his request, knowing full well that the agency would be moving to capture him soon.

However, I was unaware that they would go to such savage lengths to acquire him.

Phil was—and still is—my friend.

I would have preferred that they not use an EMP on him.

We hypothesized that his body functions like any other electronic device, so an electromagnetic pulse should cause him to revert to a regular TV. They rigged the EMP to trigger as soon as he opened his front door, and it was highly effective.

Our agency simply drove by, picked up the now-inert TV, and transported him back to our base in Oakland.

- Duncan