Why the heck are novel titles so long?! Why is every single story an Isekai?! What happened to creativity?! I could give you my whole life story in a single sentence but I'm not going to. Find it out for yourself. Peace and love. No hard feelings.
I'm walking to school down the most generic roads and I'm looking at the most generic buildings ever. I hear the generic sounds of generic cars racing down the generic road. I'm entering the gates of my generic school and I can see generic societal groups. The jocks, the bullies, the nerds, the geeks, the musicians, the cool kids, the gangsters, the rest.
The school that I attend is called Kenji High School. I go up the stairs to my classroom, and to my surprise, some of the girls are dressed up in weird costumes. They look like singers...Wait, singers! I recognise them. How could this be? I'm hysterical and I'm in shock at this point.
They're dressed like the female singers in this world that I like. There's Anly, Aimer, Risa, Sayuri and ReoNa. How would you even say that? ReoNa? How would you make a person know that the 'N' is capitalised? Would you say 'Reo' and then say 'Na' after pausing? Would this joke be better if my life was turned into an Anime? Most likely.
"Yo! Emushi!" It's the voice of Kendo. I'm surprised he hasn't had the crazy idea of transforming himself into a sword using the hidden art of Sword Jutsu yet.
We're not doing this whole talking this. He knows how I operate. Like a machine that's out of order. I could scream BEEP BOOP and no one would care to look at me. I go up to him and give him a high five, and I have a kind smile on my face so people think I'm a caring nice guy. Which I am.
"Look at that poster there. We're holding a music festival, and the girls are dressed as their favourite singers," said Kendo.
Somehow, the dreams and thoughts I had about them came true. Somehow, I missed a massive poster that's plastered on the wall and covering all the windows. I'm hoping that the festival goes well and I don't die of second-hand embarrassment, O creator of this novel.
I'm both excited and mortified because my privacy doesn't exist anymore. The bands are being performed by the upperclassmen. UVERworld, SID, FOMARE, THE SIXTH LIE, SnowMan, EMPiRE, SPYAIR, KANA-BOON, LuckLife. There's even more...I'm not even sponsored to say these things. But this is all in my mind, so how can it be sponsored? There's even a duo going as Yorushika.
Enough! Before I get this novel into trouble with the law. They'll send me a cease and desist. If this is all in my mind, then does that mean the integrity of my intellectual property holds.
"Are there any more bands or duos than this?" I said to Kendo.
"Of course! This poster is just one part of a huge one that we could hang here! It's double-sided and we wanted the people in the audience to see it!" Kendo said.
Now I'm thinking to myself how amazing it would be if Kendo and I started some kind of band, and we would be successful. O, great scribe of the pen — I'm talking about the novel writer here — please make this happen.
I spoke too soon. A huge trolley stacked with equipment came through the door into my classroom. There were huge speakers, instruments, and cables everywhere.
"Retsu du disu!" one of the girls screamed...in Engrish. Not English, oh no. Not that. In Engrish. It's common knowledge that the letter 'L' doesn't exist in Japanese. Instead, we replace it with an 'R'. I have the right to complain about this because one of my parents are half-English, and so that no plot holes are created, and this is the only time it will be relevant to the story. You'll probably forget about it...but why do they need to be half-English? I could have just said that they knew English and I learnt from them...Whatever.
"Hey!" The voice of another supposed friend of mine. He's supposed to be the cool one that everyone likes. He walked through the door and started approaching us. His name was Haruto. Everyone was staring at him with an air of admiration. I was wondering how long it would take for them to blink before their eyes started to burn away.
"Oh! So you're approaching me?" I said with an uncontrollable impulse.
"Hey, Seppuku!" he shouted at Kendo.
"You're going to commit Seppuku?" screamed his minion who was behind him. He's the one that takes everything literally and makes any joke unfunny. His name? Riteraru. As in 'Literal', because he's literal.
"No. His name is Seppuku." Haruto tried to explain himself but he has fewer brain cells than the number of fingers on his hands.
Riteraru ran up to Kendo and started screaming in his face. "You're going to commit Seppuku?"
"No. Why would I? You know my name is Kendo, Rite." Kendo tried to get through his literal barrier that could jam aeroplane signals with his sheer stupidity.
"Phew!" Rite had a relaxed look on his face and he wiped his brow. But his face turned to worry and he began to scream again. "Wait! You're going to use Kendo to commit Seppuku, Haruto!" the fool exclaimed.
"NO!" Everyone in the room shouted in extreme annoyance.
"I call him Seppuku for fun because his name is Kendo," Haruto said as if he found the formula to jamming aeroplane signals.
"Hey! Everyone! I just got an alert on my phone that an aeroplane crashed! They said someone was jamming its signals so it had to do an emergency landing." One of the girls who was dressed up said.
Never would I have thought that coincidences like this could happen. My classmates finished setting up the musical equipment, and now they look like an idol group that want to make it big. What? They're going to go on a journey to become the best there is? But they're impersonating other people...This is literally identity theft...
I've just realised that this novel doesn't make any sense because I'm the narrator and I'm following myself. But I have no control over what happens, yet I'm asking the creator of this novel for things, but aren't I the creator if I'm the narrator? Whatever...If the thoughts in my mind change this world the way I want, then I'm fine with that.
This is the point where most people's attention spans reach critical mass and they can't concentrate anymore. So I'll end this here. Oh, don't worry. We're continuing this. Peace and love. No hard feelings.
This is getting old really quickly...