Why the heck are novel titles so long?! Why is every single story an Isekai?! What happened to creativity?! I could give you my whole life story in a single sentence but I'm not going to. Find it out for yourself. Peace and love. No hard feelings.
After the commotion inside of class, we took all that heavy equipment down to the front of the school. For some reason, someone had the idea of setting up a stage right there when it's hot enough outside to burn a hole in my eyes. It's not like the pupil already exists. The pupil was such a great idea that the second pupil needed to be created.
There are already parents with their children coming in to sit on the benches. The students who weren't a part of the music festival were seated too. I wonder how they will all feel after their bottoms become so sore from sitting for hours.
The girls that are dressed up as their favourite singers, which I cannot mention again, are on stage behind the curtains. The event is about to start, and there's a guy in a tuxedo walking onto the stage.
"Welcome, everyone! To get things started, I would like to introduce you to our very own idol group of Kenji High School! Their name, you ask? Why it's none other than A A R R S." You don't understand how unbelievably stupid that sounds. In Japanese, they're phonetically saying each letter so it sounds like "Eh Eh Aru Aru Esu."
Who the heck is 'Aru Aru Esu?' Their intelligence combined could only create an acronym by shoving the first letter from their singer's names together! Why didn't they call themselves Aarrs?! "Arusu" has a nice ring to it, but instead, they want people to become deaf or have tinnitus when they hear it. A valiant move, because they want their fans to understand how lucky they are to still have their hearing.
Whatever. Everything that happens is inconsequential to the plot of this novel. I wouldn't be surprised if there is zero continuity at all. They're just going to act like nothing happened the next day.
"They will perform a song by ReoNa!" When the commentator who is completely irrelevant said that, my heart skipped a beat and I nearly died. If your heart skips a beat then that's bad. You're clearly doing something wrong if you say that and no one cares. You're about to die and they think it's some kind of expression to describe how you feel. Could you not be a bit more literal and say that you're happy? Why do you have to be like that and scare everyone around you?
Anyway. I was happy that they were finally going to perform. Were they going to perform Anima? Or time?
"The song in question, you ask? Why it's a completely new song. Called Paradoxical!" Are you serious? Wait, I just had a thought and it felt like my brain grew by one per cent. That's right, I only used one per cent of my total power. They've created a song called Paradoxical so that this novel doesn't get copyright strikes or claimed, and so if this is adapted into an Anime, then ReoNa will have to create a song called Paradoxical. Maybe.
Why am I obsessed with her? The answer is simple. She's the newest singer I've listened to. And the girl who's playing ReoNa is an important character that will come up in the future. You've heard of a deuteragonist, right? Well, she's the tritagonist. I know what you're thinking, it's as stupid as saying once, twice, thrice. Does quadrice even exist? What's her name? I'll come up with that in the part of the story when she actually has some value to add.
Who's the deuteragonist? Why is there more than one Protagonist? I thought I was the only one that you followed. My name is Emushi after all! Are you just going to tarnish my name like that? With just a few words?
If you want to know what the lyrics are to Paradoxical, then you can't know. They don't exist. They only exist here...unless...this is turned into an Ani-.
"Yo! Emushi!" Kendo walked up next to me. It's like this is the only greeting he knows. I'm standing at the back behind the seats and benches. The girls made me their floor manager. They wanted me to manage the school's courtyard floor...so I could plant flowers. How am I supposed to do that when there's no soil.
"Where's Haruto and Rite?" I said to Kendo. He was taking his time thinking about it.
"He's gone to get a volume mixer and a synthesiser board." I don't think that's what they're called. It's probably a master volume board to control the output on the speakers.
Kendo began to walk away, and they started to perform whilst singing. They had all this choreography laid out that each of them started to do, perfectly. Then all of a sudden they started becoming more real looking...I couldn't put my finger onto it...Until I realised that they were animated using CGI because that it's easier to do than hand drawing five girls dancing.
I have an unamused and shocked face right now. How are they CGI in a novel?! Why do you care about hand drawings and CGI?! What sense does that make? It's like putting your ear next to words and pretending to hear the sounds they make! A hole was being burnt into my eyes to create the third pupil because of how bad it looked...
I suddenly started to hear boss music. It wasn't coming from the stage but behind me. I turned around to see someone on the roof with a huge light that's being directed into the sky. He does the generic evil laugh to get my attention.
"Hee Hoo Hee Hoo Hee Hoo." I turned around because I heard a car coming. It was an ambulance without its sirens on, but his laugh sounded exactly like them.
"Wait! That's not the sirens!" he said.
"What are you doing up there? Why are you shining a lamp into the sky" I said.
"Shining a who the what now?"
"How the heck did you even get a massive lamp up there?"
"A lamp? What's that?"
"The big mechanical device next to you..."
"Are you calling my mother a lamp?"
He's wearing a purple top hat, with a purple cape, with a purple waistcoat, with purple trousers and shoes...Then he decided to ruin his get up by wearing a white button shirt beneath his waistcoat. I couldn't see his face from here because he has a purple mask on top of the supervillain attire.
"Stop with the boss music! I get it." He tried to put the blame on me.
"What boss music? I thought that was you."
Well, that checked out.
"What's with the light in the sky?" I said.
"I'm trying to jam aeroplane signals."
"Why?! What will that do for you? Think about it! You're jamming aeroplane signals..."
"Yeh I don't see the problem with that."
He started to walk behind the lamp and then he started to walk out the doors at the front of the building he was just in. Was this man a magician? That's the biggest plot hole I've ever seen in my life. He can teleport. Now people are going to start theorizing that he didn't teleport, but he can travel at the speed of light. Or justify that it's somehow possible for a human to travel that fast. So what if this is some kind of fantasy! We're still humans.
"I have a proposal for you, Protagonist!" He pulls out a metallic square box from his back with buttons and a massive antenna. There are five red buttons, and they are labelled.
"If you do not do as I say, then I will press these buttons and insult the people you love!" He started laughing evilly.
"I know who you are though. Do you think that mask covers your identity? I can still see your face. And where did you put that remote control? That antenna looks painful. Can you even unextended it?" I said.
"Dammnit! My plans have been thwarted by the Protagonist! Then I will put my plan into action." he said.
I was being serious. This lazily put together written villain is just a student from our school. He's in my class. His name is Biranu, and he helped us get the equipment down! Yes, his name is 'Villain'. He's lazily written. What did you expect? Do you think any creativity would be put into this character?
The buttons on the remote are labelled with 'Your mom', 'Your dad', 'Your sister', 'Your grandmother' and 'Your grandfather'. I turned around and started to walk away in disappointment because he's using playground insults to try and make me angry.
"I'm going to press one of them! I'm so evil. Hee Hoo!" He pressed the button labelled 'Your mom'. All I heard were the words 'Your mom' that came out of the box he was holding.
"Wait! I'm being serious here! Look at their speakers" he said. He puts away the remote control into his back and then takes out a decibel meter.
"You didn't..." I said. This is the easiest trick in the book. The Protagonist always acts like they've figured out the villain's plan with some kind of line implying they did. When they do, the villain feels obligated to reveal it suddenly and explains how you can stop it. I had no idea what he was going to do with the speakers.
He could have unplugged them for all I cared. He could have cut the cables and used them in spaghetti soup or something and feed it to aeroplanes. Why? Because an idiot like him would think that because they have a nose, they also have a mouth.
"If you don't keep the sounds from the speakers below 120 decibels, then the speakers will explode, releasing a sonic shockwave of more than 165 decibels. It's enough to burst their eardrums."
"Why did you not just release the sonic shockwave if you had the equipment to do so? How do you even know how to make a sonic bomb."
"Math," he responded.
"You used math to make a sonic bomb?"
I am actually so lost right now.
"What's your reason. Come on. Spit it out along with the spaghetti soup you made." I said in sheer disappointment.
"You have a good point. I don't know..." he said.
I realised what the trick is behind this guy. No one realises what he is doing is dangerous, and why he will always get away with it, because he's an overly exaggerated, poorly written, villain that exists in this novel to add some drama. He could go on a villainous spree and no one would care. He could not help that old grandma walk across the road...and no one would care.
I turn around and begin running to the stage when Haruto comes running in with the volume mixer and synthesiser board in each hand.
"You don't need to worry! I know everything that happened."
How? What kind of plot hole is this?! Does he have mega hearing that I never knew about? Why do all of these characters gain the ability to hear each other from long distances whenever it's convenient? Can he echolocate with dolphins now?! He literally knows the plot already and he wasn't even here. Don't worry though, because we can retcon this and give him a reason later.
"Isn't this part of the story going on for too long? We have to end it now!" he said with great valour.
"What are we going to do? If we go on stage and stop the festival, then everyone will know something is up." I said.
"Why don't we just go up to the stage and stop the festival?" he said. I was puzzled. I didn't know his stupidity could go this low. He's the type of guy to say that 'knowledge' starts with the letter n.
"I've got a plan!" Haruto spoke with such confidence that I actually believed him...until he dropped everything to grab Riteraru by the face, who was sitting peacefully on the seats, and he took him to the stage.
"Wait! Why are you kidnapping me! I'm being stolen by my best friend! Help" he kept on screaming like an illiterate child. Poor illiterate children. They've done nothing wrong.
Haruto, with his mind only akin to Albert Einstein, shoves Rite's head against the speaker. His face starts rubbing against it profusely and Haruto is decreasing his strength output. Everyone watching doesn't seem to care, as the girls are still performing their idol song Paradoxical.
"JAM THE SIGNAL, RITE. JAM IT NOW! LOWER THE VOLUME" Haruto started to scream.
"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT. DO I HAVE A JAMMER IN MY HEAD." said Rite.
I was astonished and dumbfounded. His head started to jam the volume and the speakers began to sound like screaming banshees. But it was still audible and wasn't too bad. Then I had a thought and started staring at Rite who was hugging the speaker. Why didn't we just unplug the entire speaker system...
The girl's performance went on until it finished, and one of them collapsed. After doing all the choreography perfectly, and showing no signs of symptoms, or weakness, she collapsed. You have got to be joking. She didn't collapse mid-way through her performance. Nope. It was right at the end. Now that girl has the strongest plot armour there is.
"Someone! Anyone! We need help!" said the all-important tritagonist who was dressed as ReoNa. "We've only been practising for about three days, and we did everything perfectly, but this isn't perfect!"
The real ReoNa would never say something like that. They were on the same level as professional idol groups that do this for a living...after training for three days...Imagine what they could do if they trained for four days.
Then I could hear Biranu's stupid laugh behind me. "Hee Hoo Hee Hoo Hee Hoo". He disappeared, and I saw a piece of paper on the floor at the back. I picked it up and my day couldn't get any worse. It read "That was an excellent musical performance. Too bad it didn't go off with a bang."
What did we do with the speaker? Haruto disassembled it because 'Math'. There wasn't even anything abnormal about it. We checked the entire speaker system after, and there was no sonic bomb. The rest of the bands played their songs.
We'd all been outplayed, and to that end, we went home not caring. Why did this part of the novel need two chapters? Why was it so dragged out? There's going to be no character development at this rate. Please, the person who made this world I'm stuck in, give the characters some development but make sure nothing too serious happens. Make it interesting and funny this time.
Peace and love. No hard feelings.
Why does this all sound like diary entries...This is supposed to be like an autobiography...