Why the heck are novel titles so long?! Why is every single story an Isekai?! What happened to creativity?! I could give you my whole life story in a single sentence but I'm not going to. Find it out for yourself. Peace and love. No hard feelings.
I'm walking into school again...generically. There's been no description whatsoever about what my uniform looks like, so I'll tell you. We were a smart white buttoned t-shirt, with a dark blue blazer on top, and dark blue trousers with smart brown shoes. I have a side bag that's also blue.
No, my hair isn't a random vibrant colour that you can see from miles away, which stands out amongst a sea of regular people, that will tell you I'm the Protagonist, or that I'm an important character. It's a normal brown colour, and I have brown eyes. As for everyone else, Haruto has orange hair, Kendo has blue hair, and the all-important tritagonist has blonde hair. Oh, and Riteraru has black hair so dark that he can open up black holes with his thoughts.
Rite's hair is so dark that the grim reaper calls him the nightmare. It's so dark that it makes the darkness look bright. I'm trying too hard with these jokes...
If you haven't figured it out by now, with his amazing contribution to the story already, Kendo is our deuteragonist. But Haruto would be a perfect fight, you say? Well, these are my thoughts, and I don't want to be stuck with that idiot. No offence to Haruto, but it's not like he can hear me. He's going to infect me with his stupidity if I stay with him for too long. I'm going to catch 'Stupid Side Character' syndrome from him.
Everyone knows what it feels like to be a side character. You get little to no development, and when you do something great, no one cares. You're overshadowed.
It's time I introduce you to the highly needed female lead that is mandatory because it'll attract the attention of our 'fanbase', and for the right reasons. I think they call it 'fanbase service'. What? I'm wrong. How would I know?! Oh, it's 'fan service'. Yeah...we're not doing that. I'm not going to give you a service for free. Pay up or you get nothing. I'm already stuck here slaving away...
I entered my classroom and sat down. I give them that cool look of confidence so no one messes with me. I look like an idiot instead, but no one seems to care. You think that because I go to school, that I actually do work. That's such a funny joke. This school is a standing plot device so things can happen in this novel, and it gives all the characters a reason to meet with each other.
"Good morning, Emushi!" I heard the voice of the tritagonist. Now all the shipping between me and her will start...even though this is the first time we've interacted with each other.
What if I kept her name as tritagonist? People would hate it, so let me give her a good name. What about Geiru? No, no. That's disrespectful to her. Giving her a generic name like Sakura isn't too bad, except for the fact that it's generic and there are already a million characters called Sakura. Her hair isn't even pink.
It's hard when you read Manga because sometimes characters share the same names. So when I talk about Hinata, you'd either think about that Manga with ninjas and chakra, or the one about volleyball. I'm not going to risk a lawsuit so I'm not going to mention the Manga specifically.
Let's get a randomizer to choose three characters from the Japanese Hiragana set. I've spun the wheel. It's come back with Ariso. I don't know what that means, but we'll go with it. I've just realised that I missed the opportunity of calling her "Burondo" for blonde but that doesn't sound feminine. I may get in trouble for saying that...
"Hey, Ariso!" I said that with a smile. That overused smile makes people think that I'm covering up for something sinister or evil. People are so sceptical these days...
"Did you enjoy the performance yesterday? I'm sorry if I made you worried." She smiled kindly. No, she's not a mary sue. You saw her panic yesterday. Wait?! There's continuity in this story! They actually remembered what happened! I'm...stunned. Thank you to the creator of this novel for writing that in. Now my life may have meaning if something interesting happens.
Then I realised that I spoke too soon. Damn you for listening in on all of this! Ariso looks out of the window and points. I turn around to look at what's out there.
"Why is there an aeroplane floating out of the window?" What's with the overused aeroplane obsession?! Stop it. Stop it now! And don't mention jamming signals ever again.
There's a UFO outside. It looks exactly like what a kid would draw. A metal frisbee that's been squashed and has some weird glass bubble protruding from the top. I can see it and so can Ariso, but no one else can. Kendo comes in and he drops all of his things. He has a huge goofy smile on his face. Don't tell me he can actually see it...He's going to force me to go on it...
Now, because of the plot, I along with Ariso and Kendo are running towards the UFO which has parked itself above us...like it's a car. BIP BIP. Did I just hear the UFO make the beep a car makes when you lock it using the button on the keys?
"Is it going to lift us up with a tractor beam? Where's the tractor?" Why is Haruto here?! Where the heck did he come from?! I thought the cast list for this chapter, for this part of the story, was the three Protagonists and the other charac-. Oh wait, I don't have access to it. Otherwise, I would spoil what's going to happen, and you know what happens to people who spoil things? They get sent to this place called the...Dark Region? Isn't that just a rip-off of the Shadow Rea-
Nevermind then. We're suddenly being lifted into the air through the tractor beam and everyone seems to be calm and relaxed, except Hartuo.
"Look, guys! I'm being pulled up by a tractor! This is so cool." You learn to ignore him, but feel free to chuckle at his jokes. There's no saving this kid. Stupid boy.
Why am I so mean? I don't know. Blame the guy who made this novel. All of us are inside, and it's much bigger than it looks. I'm not one to be fascinated so easily, but this was actually cool.
"We're actually in a spaceship. Who's the driver of this thing?" Kendo said with a perplexed face and a smile.
"Why would there be a driver here, Kendo?" I turn my head and see that there's a human on the massive steel board with buttons everywhere. "Oh wait. There's a driver here."
"Hello there! Is this your spaceship?" Ariso was more ecstatic than vigilant and worried about our situation.
The driver turned around and he looked like a normal human being. There was nothing special about him. He did not have antennas on his head. Why do people think aliens have them? What can they do with them? Is that what hair eventually evolves into? Does it gain mass and become an antenna? Telepathy? You're telling me that two prongs coming out of their heads allow them to communicate with their entire race? No. Not a chance.
He didn't have a slimy anthropomorphic face, nor did he have wings, a tail, or extra limbs. Nothing. Why do writers love giving them extra things to make them less human? Have they read the dictionary, because I heard it's a good read. It will keep you busy for hours, and if you do it with your friends, you're going to verbally abuse each other with the new words you found in there.
"Hello! We come in peace," said Haruto with a heedless smile.
"You're not the one who's supposed to say that, fool! He is!" I said to him.
He began walking towards us.
"Hey! Don't do anything to us, or I'll throw water on you! It'll melt your skin because you're an alien, and it's intergalactic knowledge that aliens are allergic to water!" I said without thinking.
He stops walking and stands in front of us. He is clothed like a regular human who would go out in the summer. "Herro deiru." I can't believe it. This alien-human is making fun of us because we're Japanese and our English sounds funny. This novel has gone too far...We're going to get cancelled for appro-
I'd better not go there. I guess it's my fault for mentioning Engrish.
"Don't you have that cliché special tool that allows you to translate everything we say and vice versa?" Now Kendo was thinking with his head.
"Yes! Yes, I do. In fact, I think I've recalibrated it." the alien said.
I look behind his shoulder and I can see black smoke drifting up into the air. A complex device that has 'Translation Device' written over it in Japanese is on fire. Excellent recalibration. Just magnificent. Terrific in fact. Please...just let this stupidity end. Why are we here for?
"What do you want with us?" I said whilst trying to speed up the plot because the pacing is horrible.
"Hello! I'm a human like you, I think. That's what my family told me. I was born elsewhere, on a planet called Thear." If you know what's wrong with naming a planet 'Thear', then keep it to yourself.
"You're human? But doesn't that make you an alien? You wouldn't call other people from earth aliens, would you?" Ariso said as she tries to reason with him.
"Has everyone glanced over the fact that this guy has a high-tech spaceship from who knows what year in the future, and there are human colonies already in space!" I said with frustration. None of this makes any sense. "At least give us your name. Is it going to be in a weird alien language that we will not understand?"
"My name? It's Arien." I'm done with this...His name is Arien, like 'Alien'. He doesn't even speak an exotic foreign alien language. The other three probably don't realise because I'm the only one offended by his use of English references. One of my parents is half English after all...for some reason. I don't know which one, but we'll figure that out soon.
"Why are we the only ones who can see you?" I said whilst trying to figure out what the heck was going on.
"You are the chosen ones, who I shall take to my home planet to save it. There's a cloaking device on this ship, and using your biometrics, I can allow you to see it." Arien said.
"If you have this kind of technology, then what can we do to save your planet? What's with the clichés today! Let me guess. We're legendary heroes who will travel the stars to save a planet we have no connection to...just because you asked kindly?" I said.
"Yeah. It's also because we needed to create a new arc, so we went with this one. Kindness goes a long way, does it not?" He said whilst trying to be smug.
"Let's go! It should be fun. Kindness wins all the way." Ariso screamed loudly as she tried to fire us up. The alien named Arien made his parked UFO go BIP BIP. He departed and we started flying away. All of us are going to his home planet with the biggest smiles on our faces. We are so ecstatic and definitely not terrified that we're flying at Mach death with no way to get back.
Can I really end this off with 'Peace and love' when there's some kind of turmoil going on on another planet, and we've just been abducted by a resident of the said planet?
Are there really 'No hard feelings' when I have Haruto, Kendo and Ariso with me, whilst we're being taken hostage by a human-alien called Arien?
I can't let any of this go...Now I wish there was no continuity in this novel.