Why the heck are novel titles so long?! Why is every single story an Isekai?! What happened to creativity?! I could give you my whole life story in a single sentence but I'm not going to. Find it out for yourself. Peace and love. No hard feelings.
We get off the spaceship and walk down the utopian world. It doesn't look too bad and nobody seems to notice that we're humans and not alien humans.
"What happens if they find out we're humans and not alien humans?" Kendo asked him
"We're not aliens. We're humans like you, I think. Do you guys want to explore?" Arien tried to switch the subject on us really quickly.
We suddenly find ourselves in front of a place...called the ooz. "What the heck is an ooz?!" Don't tell me...We walk inside and there's a cow in a pen. Ariso walks up to it and she has twinkly sparkles near her eyes. Haruto walks up beside her and grabs the sparkles from her eyes, somehow?! No! You can't do that! They're just an illustration to show how astonished she is!
"I'll be keeping that for later." Now Haruto has pocket sparkles that he can pull out to blind people. He's got a flashbang in his pocket...
If you're interested in what the cow does, it's just a cow. But then it roars like a lion. I'm looking at it, wondering why it can do that. I look at the other enclosures and the attractions this stupid ooz has. This is just a zoo, but they've genetically modified animals to have different roars, for a joke...I see a lion and it's shrieking like a goat. Why has the king of the animal kingdom been reduced to this?!
"This place is interesting, but what does this have to do with the factions?" Stop, Kendo. It's useless to move the plot any further. Let's just enjoy the lion that's shrieking like a goat.
"Wait. I just need to tell the staff something." Arien said that to us, and whilst Ariso's twinkly sparkly stars of astonishment began to fall near her feet as she was flooding the ooz with them, Haruto was looking around and Kendo was talking with local alien humans.
I watched both Kendo and Arien carefully to learn how they communicated here. Arien went up to a member of staff who looked like a janitor wearing a complete blue uniform. Arien approached him, and then he gave him a massive slap across the face. Both of them look unfazed and acted as if it was normal to slaps strangers.
"Understood." The janitor understood something from that?! How?! What can you possibly understand from a slap?!
Arien begins to combo the heck out of the janitor. He slaps him using so many techniques that I've seen...from Anime...Is that the Kameha- Wait now it's the Rasen- Now's he's going for an Ora- No wait, a Muda-! It's become a Jajank- Now a generic 'Atatata!' I'm completely bewildered. He's using this as an excuse to beat up someone...Detroit Sma- It's become an Innocence Cannon and can do Cross alph- He's stopped now.
He walks back as if nothing happened. The janitor seems to be perfectly unscathed from that brawl. He has no scratches on him at all.
"Is something the matter?" He spoke to me while my jaw dropped.
"What were you doing to him?" I said to Arien.
"I was transferring information to him, and he was transferring it back. Don't do it to the higher-ups. You need permission for that." He said.
It's not like I ever needed permission to punch someone I didn't know and had never met before. Definitely not...The janitor began to walk back towards us and Arien turned around to face him.
"I forgot to tell you one more thing." The janitor told him.
They start having a fistfight where their arms looking like blurry noodles. It's like poorly drawn images crushed together to form a fighting sequence. I'm right in front of them, watching their elite blocking and attacking skills. Kendo, Ariso and Haruto magically appear beside me and are not impressed. I'm not either. Ariso does her normal smile, and Haruto is lost in his own thoughts. Kendo has his hand on his chin and wonders about life.
"I don't think you should be doing that, Arien." Ariso was trying to be kind about the situation because she clearly doesn't understand what's going on. She has twinkly sparkly stars stuck in her shoes.
"I understand," Arien said that as soon as he stopped punching the janitor. They are somehow still unscathed from a brawl as fierce as that.
"What was that fight about?" Kendo questioned him with a fierce look on his face. "I was talking to the other residents and they didn't attack me. Why was that guy attacking you?"
"He wasn't attacking me. I was communicating with him. Come with me. I'm taking you to the Red Faction's headquarters. That was my mission after all. The leader is my father." He said that with a smile like nothing was wrong.
"Your father is the leader. Could you not have told us such an important point any less later?" I shouted that to him with a look of disappointment still lingering on my half-dead face. They're trying so hard to make Arien's character relevant that they gave him a connection to an all-powerful entity we will probably have to meet.
"Here. I got these manuals from him. It's about the ooz and life here on Thear, and on the Red Faction." Arien put his hands out like he was handing us a book but he was holding nothing. Some kind of laser showcase was happening and the book materialised from nothing. There were four, and we each took one.
"Is anyone actually going to read this?" I hold the book in my hand and turn my head to look at Kendo. Something is off...He is reading the manual, and his eyeballs are smoking...There's black smoke coming from them and what looks like light from the book burning his eyes.
"What? Is there something wrong?" He looks at me smiling like an idiot.
"Everyone! Did you realise that Arien's real name is Arien Boyo! His father's name is Arien Mano! That's amazing. You have a family name!" Ariso was so excited by such a trivial matter that my fist was about to become Arien Killer.
We don't even have confirmed surnames...and Ariso is excited about that. She doesn't even know what her family name is. She doesn't even know if she has one.
We're beamed into Arien's alien car and just like that, we're inside of the Red Faction's headquarters. Wow, the pacing of this story is horrible. How could nothing remotely interesting happen between the time we travelled to the ooz, travelled back to the spaceship and then travel to the Red Faction?! Wasn't I, as the Protagonist, suppose to bump into a girl and help her up so I could start some romance storyline?
Haruto, Kendo, Ariso and I are standing in the middle of a throne room. There's a golden chair and an old man with a jewel crone, a red robe, and golden boots sitting there. Arien begins walking towards him, and the man sits there watching with a smile. There is a young woman beside him wearing a generic maid outfit with long black socks up to her thighs. This is the start of the fan service, isn't it?
"My son! You have returned." The old man, who looks like the leader of the Red Faction, said
"I have indeed father!" Arien said that whilst walking towards his father. His father stood up and they walked towards each other and met at the absurdly long carpet from the steps of a stage the throne was on.
Arien then proceeded to slap his father across the face, and he started laughing. His father slapped him hard which caused him to lose balance, but he laughed. They started trading slaps and nearly knocking each other out but they were laughing about it.
"Good one, Arien!" His father started slapping his knee because of how good the joke he heard was.
"My my. The young master's form of communication has improved so much." The maid said that as she turned around blushing with a smile.
"Why are you blushing when you said that! I'm leaving. I can't be bothered to look at this any longer."
"Their power is beyond the charts. It's almost...continental level." Kendo said that as he was pretending to analyse the situation meticulously.
Little did he know that my power was novel level. Forget multiversal level. I could wipe all of these losers out of existence with a thought. As soon as I think that, Arien's father grabs him by his shirt and then slams him to the ground. His shirt rips and we're just staring at him when he stands up, in shock...
Haruto became distressed. "WHY DOESN'T HIS BODY HAVE A FACE?!"
"What do you mean by face? It's right here." Arien stands up and we can see his flat body. He doesn't have a navel nor does he have nipples...
"Oh, this? Yeah, technology. I mean evolution happened, and men don't need them." He said that so casually.
"You can't leave, Emushi. We just got here, and it's bad manners to leave. We haven't even met the king! This is a once in a lifetime chance to do meet someone like that!" Ariso tried to convince me, but I was already walking away.
"Hey! Emushi! I'll go check on him." Haruto started doing such a weird quick walk. He was swaying his hips and keeping his legs close together like he wanted to drop a stop. Yes, that's a thing...to drop a stop.
Haruto is right behind me. He's just staring at me creepily and I'm walking like I don't notice him. I turn around a corner pretending like I know where I'm going.
"The plot points in my body are starting to...pulsate. Something's going to happen. You know, like vital points?"
With my universal level of power, I drag Haruto in front of me. He acts as stiff as a brick and I pick him up like a mannequin and place him there. I pat him on the head and walk forward. He stands there and turns around to see what's around the corner. When he does that, he bumps into another maid, but instead of the maid falling over, he falls over on his back.
The made is wearing a generic maid outfit and she has emerald eyes with brown hair. Her eyes begin to emit red light and she has an angry look on her face.
"MOVE!" She said that in a terrifying voice, and Haruto just stood there staring at her.
He stood up, and then immediately proceeded to slap her. Me, being the stealthy criminal that I am, was hiding behind some curtains. Why did he slap her?! I thought it only works with alien humans who communicate with other alien humans?!
She started blushing suddenly and felt intimidated by his presence. "You didn't have to slap me and say that, you idiot!" Haruto now has the power to turn girls from this planet into Tsundere's, confirmed. Also, this doesn't give anyone the right to slap women. I've just realised how badly this can be taken. IT'S A JOKE. I MEANT NO HARM WITH THE PLOT. I'm just your everyday Protagonist having to deal with this stuff. Look, there's a camera over there. This is staged, I swear!
The maid runs off, and we avoid another cliché. The day was saved, and I could go back to living...Wait...