Why the heck are novel titles so long?! Why is every single story an Isekai?! What happened to creativity?! I could give you my whole life story in a single sentence but I'm not going to. Find it out for yourself. Peace and love. No hard feelings.
I walk back into the throne room and see that Ariso and Kendo are waiting for me. Haruto is still staring at me whilst he creepily walks behind me, matching my step. I burst out into breakdance and Haruto copies me...perfectly. He's literally just staring at me. I do some sweets moves and I'm jamming out so much that my moves can jam aeroplane signals.
I turn my head to look at him whilst I'm dancing and he's turning his head around...but he can somehow still follow my moves...I'm done with this guy.
HEY, NOVELIST! WHAT'S HIS SPECIAL ABILITY! TELL ME NOW! I HAVE ONE AND SO DO THE OTHERS. I'M NOT STUPID.
I calm down and stop breakdancing with my awesome moves. Yet again, I continue to walk up to Kendo, Ariso and Arien.
"You can stop that now, Haruto. You just needed to bring him back." Kendo spoke like he was the mastermind.
"Oh right! I forgot. You told me to keep an eye on him, so I kept my eye on him." He responded with such a stupid smile. Honestly, his skull is so thick you could use him like a drill to dive into the centre of the earth. You could probably also use him as a submarine to go into the Mariana Trench and he would survive under the water pressure.
"You're all here again! I want to tell you what the plan of the Yellow and Blue Factions are, humans from earth. You see, there is a hidden beast, almost like a deity, that has been locked up somewhere on this planet. They are looking to resurrect it, but I assure you, it's nothing but a legend." Arien Mano begins to laugh like it's a joke.
"How are we supposed to care or act serious when you joke like that? Why are we here then? Why is that maid still blushing?!" I exclaimed at the last part. I was trying to be reasonable, but all reason seems to be thrown out at this point.
"What's the creature called?" Kendo remained reasonable and sensible.
"It's called the Oyusutaru. A legendary breed of creature that was so grotesque, they have to lock it away."
Now, do you see my problem with this? The old man just said that the legendary creature the alien humans are scared of...are oysters. They don't even have hands, feet, a mouth?! They can't hurt you.
Then a huge caterpillar looking creature crashed into the ceiling of the throne room and someone wearing a completely yellow robe was standing on it. I could see its mouth and its teeth. It was standing up and was huge.
"Yeah...I spoke too soon...Forgive me. Ariso. Kendo. Haruto. Arien. This is my last stand. I'll sacrifice myself...for our friends...because it means more than my life..." I spoke with tender, kind, feelings that my friends understood. I had a smile on my face.
"Like heck, I would! Screw those stupid friendship speeches! They make no sense. Whenever someone does that, the person always lives." I cross my arms in frustration.
"No...Emushi! Don't die on us, please!" Ariso's acting was over the top. She started to cry and she fell to her knees. She then stood up and started wiping the tears off her face. She walked up to the beast and we stood there...like good friends because we were watching her performance.
"Good on you, Ariso! Wow! That performance was amazing." I shouted and clapped.
"Is it still going on? I'm impressed. As her friends, we should let her true talent shine. Anyone got popcorn?" Kendo added.
"What's popcorn. I only know corn that pops." Haruto said with a confused face.
"What do you want with us!" Ariso was screaming at the man in the yellow robe vehemently.
"Herro deiru. Itza taimu tu purai. Wanto purai gaimazu uido mei?"
Yep. Why do they suddenly speak Engrish when we're around? Is every single alien-human like this?!
"No!" Ariso responded with passion.
"Yes." Kendo, Haruto and I responded immediately after.
"Itza taimu foru da gaimazu!"
The giant caterpillar jumped up into the air and dived in mouth first, ready to engulf Ariso whole.
"No! If I wasn't so stupid, I could save her! I don't have my belt with gadgets on it!" Arien said in defeat.
"I couldn't save a friend of my son. I am a failure as a dad." Arien's dad spoke like he lost a friend.
Okay, seriously? Why are all these guys having monologues out loud?
"If only I had seen the master grow up. Maybe then...I could reveal my secret to him."
Okay, now for real! Why does the maid need a monologue? She's brought nothing to the table, and she's not going to.
"You're just a side character. Stop going through clichés and do something for once! Why are you having a monologue with yourself?!" I exclaimed.
"Wait. Why do I have so much time to think for myself. Ariso is about to get eaten! I can't risk that...I can't do anything."
Haruto pulls out the buttons as soon as the Oyusutaro begins its dive. He smashes them onto the back of his left hand and they latch on. The plot demanded it, and it happened. Underneath each button is a label with what the button does. He presses both 'Plot' and 'Armour' at the same time.
The caterpillar engulfs Ariso, but then huge beams of light are being emitted from here. It's blinding all of us.
"Oh, my days. Is she going through...A MAGICAL GIRL TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE?!" I'm in disbelief.
"It's the legendary Magical Girl Transformation Sequence," Kendo repeated.
"The legendary Magical Girl Transformation Sequence. This can't be...It was only a legend...". Arien Mano drops to his knees.
"The legendary Magical Girl Transformation Sequence. I was supposed to be the one to get it..." The Maid, who is pointless, points it out.
"WE GET IT. IT'S THE LEGENDARY MAGICAL GIRL TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE. STOP SAYING IT." I screamed.
Kendo walked up to me and whispered in my ear. "I have a secret for you. Legendary Magical Girl Transformation Sequence." He walked away casually.
The Oyusutaro begins to fly away at the sight of the light. Ariso goes through a transformation sequence, and now she's wearing armour that covers her entire body. There are some cool designs, and she looks like a princess from the Feudal Era of Japan. She has a sword in her right hand and a paper fan with wooden supports in her left.
"Yep. No fanbase service for you. Hehehee." I started giggling evilly because none of you deserves fan service.
"I told you it would come in handy," Haruto spoke so smugly, I wanted to slap his face. But an idea popped up in my mind.
"Hey, Haruto. Can you turn Kendo into a sword so I can wield his great power?" I said with sparkles around, and in, my eyes.
"Yeah sure. I just press this and that and then hope that it happens. Beep beep boop."
He pressed the same buttons again, and rays of light were being emitted from all over Kendo's body. He was staring at his body and slightly panicking. Then he became a light beam and travelled into my hand. Suddenly, all my clothes changed and I was wearing a black kamishimo with Kendo in my right hand, and his scabbard on my waist.
"I never asked for this! Why am I your sword?!" Kendo said as his voice had a necessary echoey tone so you could distinguish normal Kendo from sword Kendo.
"You're my Zanpakuto," I said with a stupid smile. "Now give me your power! My soul and your soul is one!"
"Stop trying to rip things off and claim that it's a parody. You were always going to need my power, my wielder!" Kendo said with confidence.
"Let's test it out!" I said with confidence and overwhelming pressure.
"Wait. I'm going to need some power too!" Haruto said.
He pressed the same buttons, and he transformed. He's wearing a blue bandana with a metal crest...and a blue jumpsuit that has some black on it...with a kunai on his waist and paper tags...How original.
"Let me charge my chakra really quick!"
"This power...It's amazing! Thank you, Haruto!" Ariso said as she gave a thumbs up to him. "We can defeat him with this power!"
"Yeah...amazing power that we pulled from our backsides, and power that we stole. We're not even supposed to have this power! Haruto pushed two buttons that spell out Plot Armour." I screamed.
"The plot's gone to rubbish," Kendo said.
"Imposhiburu...I neba reiuraizado dato da majikaru garo turanshoforumaishono sikuinso waso disu saturongu"
"Yeah, just stop talking. It must take a lot of brainpower to say that." No seriously. While I'm writing this, it takes so long to romanise all of these words.
"Finish this off, Ariso! We'll let you put the closing curtains on your performance! It's the third act!" I shouted to her with belief.
"Yeah! I will! Take this!"
Ariso has magical girl powers. Cherry blossoms start to spin around her, creating a petal storm. She puts her fan across her sword and folds her arms so it creates an x-shape.
"Go! Mystical Petal Storm — First Crown!"
Just like any other Anime where the Protagonist has to scream out the name of their move, she does the same thing. The petals fly all the way to the caterpillar and engulf it. Both the man in the yellow robe and the caterpillar disappear in the haze of petals, and it subsides in an instant. The petals disperse and both of them disappear.
"Yeah! We did it!" Ariso started cheering.
"You're cheering when you've annihilated two people from existence. I cannot use the specific word which indicates they are gone otherwise we're going to get age-restricted." Kendo said as a Zanpakuto.
"You're celebrating the passing of someone into the next world..." That's what I was thinking.
Arien's pocket begins to ring. He brings out a phone that starts making those annoying alert sounds. He looks pale at the sight of his phone.
"What happened? Did your battery die? I've got a charger that I could give you." Haruto was being both kind and stupid at the same time.
"I don't want to be a letdown...but that wasn't the Oyasutaro. It was just a baby compared to these here..."
Arien turned his phone around whilst we were about ten metres apart.
"We can't see your phone! Don't turn it around expecting us to be able to see it. Just because they get a zoom in doesn't mean we do!" My thoughts again.
"The Green and Purple Faction are running riot in the Red Faction. They're invading, and they're working together! No, that can't be possible! Their villains! They're not supposed to work together! That's not how the story goes!" Arien started to panic.
"Yep, the plot's gone to rubbish. They've retconned the Blue and Yellow Faction and now it's the Green and Purple Faction. Arien's character's changed. He never talked like that, and he barely broke the fourth wall before." I said to Ariso, Kendo and Haruto.
"Why, Black and White Faction! Why have you forsaken us!" Arien started screaming as he fell to his knees.
"Guys. We need to finish this before it destroys the whole universe and ruins the plot."
This is going to drag on...again. Well, let's hope this ends soon! I can't wait to get back to earth and do earthly things!
Peace and love. No hard feelings.