Chapter 1 - Part 2: Grade School

It all started when I was in grade school. Misfortune befell onto me when I became "different" in the class. I was not aware of it at first. As a silent type of person, I find it hard to start a conversation let alone approach my classmates. This unfortunate behavior that I possessed led me to the route of despair. Because I couldn't participate in the group, I was exiled. Since then, I became the center of hate. They vent their anger on me whenever they have problems. When trouble occurred, I was their scapegoat. If they were looking for entertainment, I'd be forced to play the role of a jester for these noblemen. Some people may ask why, just because a single person was determined as strange she was bullied. This was nothing but your typical Japanese school. Acts of bullying don't always happen, although once it does it would be horrifying. 

The entire class should be in harmony. If you don't belong to the Concord you'd be a victim of their collective violence. I was "IT" in this dramatic game that the class imposed.

My years in grade school was cruel. I was so unfortunate that two groups of bullies had been my classmate every year. Those groups were superior in the class. They could do almost anything that they wanted. Like Lords of feudal ages, I could perceive their tyranny scourging me. My fate happened to be so miserable that I cried every day. Try to imagine a little girl beaten up by groups of kids, I was bruised in an awful way. At the same time, I was tormented by psychological torture. 

They called me a plague; whenever someone touches me or even gets nearby, the unfortunate individual would be infected thus bullied for weeks. That was enough reason why no one dared to be with me. I was helpless. All my classmates went along the current. I wouldn't blame them for being a coward. I would've done the same thing if I placed myself in their shoes. They don't want trouble and most of all they don't want to be burdened. So that they wouldn't turn into a victim some of them even joined the bullies, forcing themselves to laugh and ingest the horrendous sights that the bad guys did. No one could ever neglect the bullies' presence or else the bullies' attention would be gathered at them. Too bad, I was not good with interaction that was why my miserable life had been sealed effortless.

Because seeking salvation from my concerned classmates weren't an option, I expected help from the teachers. I heard my homeroom teacher speaking to her fellow faculty member. By chance, their topic was about me and how bullying affected my daily life. I smiled, assuming that the change I was looking forward would come. Much to my disappointment, though, I heard my homeroom teacher saying, "she must endure it, if she can't, then she must change". I felt like the darkness grew around me. For the first time, I felt so afraid to face tomorrow. If days like these wouldn't cease, then my life would be nothing but a living hell. Was this a punishment from god? Just because eavesdropping was wrong god changed my fate to the dire outcome. He didn't even reconsider the consequence of his retribution. He was so unfair.

Accepting the conclusion, I did my best to put up with my unpleasant years. Too bad, my childhood past wouldn't be composed of good memories. It'd just make my tears shed each time I recalled it. At that time, I did wonder: Was my life significant? What was my purpose...? Believe it or not, I still tried to be an optimist. Aware to myself that I was turning a blind eye from reality, I forced to live thinking that all my misfortunes have a meaning, that everything that was happening would help me grow up. I imagined my adult-self standing strong. Her bad experiences weren't a hindrance but a challenge. She was used to every insults and sarcasm. She ignored all of it and focused on properly doing her job. To be an asset, that was her goal.

I endured my living hell until graduation came. Ever since, I did my best to voice out my choice. In front of my parents, I selected a school where I wanted to go. Before graduation ended, I heard the bullies' conversation of where they'd go for middle school. They desired to get rid of me for I was an eyesore to them. On the other hand, as a victim, I also wanted to stay away for my sake. My choice of enrolling in a different school would benefit both. Fortunate enough, we must transfer because of my father's work. That marked my selfish endeavor to bear fruit with a "yes". Even if it was a different school from what I picked, I was still glad that it was far away from what the bullies have chosen. I was filled with gratitude towards my parents that day, although, they set up a condition.

My mother told me:

"I'll approve your request, but promise us that you'll change. Every now and then, we see you sad and depressed. But once we ask what's the problem, you won't tell us. Hey, be strong, okay?"

That was what she told me. I did wonder: how come all this time, they didn't know my problems? I just couldn't tell them anything for I was afraid. My bruises were hidden too, so they couldn't suspect. However, by staring close at my every day melancholic expression, I was confident that anyone could tell the problems that I couldn't express. Do my parents doesn't want to exert any effort at finding out my troubles? They were compared to my teachers, they don't do anything and only hope for me to change. Maybe that was the appropriate choice. I couldn't tell what will happen in the next chapter if I don't flip its pages. I too, must act.

I nodded at them and answered.

"At my new school… I'll try my best."

I forced a smile at them as they returned the same expression. This was the perfect instance to return the favor.