The Legend of the Pervy Archangel
Steam built up within the room. Lazy motes of white wisps that created intricate, curving patterns of puffs and swirls and strange configurations as they rose, expanded, and contracted in a continuous cycle. The sound of water hitting tiled floor permeated the room, echoing along the walls due to the acoustics caused by the ceramic tiles.
“When he rolls up his sleeves, he ain't just putting on the ritz! There's thunder in his footsteps and lightning in his fists!”
Of course, no one could actually hear the water pouring out of the shower head and hitting the floor. Not with Michael singing at the top of his lungs.
“And the Lord wasn't joking! When he kicked them out of Eden, it wasn't for no reason!”
The former archangel turned human continued singing hymns for a song he remembered hearing the angel choir sing a couple of years back. He remembered hearing it for the first time and thought it was really catchy.
“His return is very close, and so you'd better be believing that our God is an awesome God!”
He had been singing along with the choir, since it was such a nice tune.
“Our God is an awesome God, he reigns from Heaven above, with wisdom, power, and love, our God is an awesome God!”
At least, he had been singing, until Gabriel smacked him in the back of the head hard enough that his face had gone straight through the clouds.
Gabriel really didn't like his singing.
He wondered why.
The song only ended after he finished rinsing the shampoo out of his hair and turned off the water. Before stepping out of the shower, Michael shook his head, sending a flurry of drops all over the tiled walls and glass door. He then walked out, grabbed the towel that Alice let him use, and used it to first dry his hair, then his body, before wrapping it around his waist.
He opened the door the bathroom, steam rushing out like a geyser, expanding outwards before dissipating as it clashed against the cool air of Alice's bedroom. His feet sank into the carpet as he stepped out of the bathroom and looked around.
Alice was not in her room at the moment. From the swears coming through the door that lead into the living room, he could only assume that she was cooking.
Michael walked over to the rickety table, where the clothes that Maria had given him for his job were neatly folded. He grabbed each piece individually and put them on, first the pair of strangely elastic red shorts, followed by the sleeveless white shirt with the word “Distractions” imprinted on the front in big, bold letters. He then looked at the pair of sandals that came with it, before deciding not to wear those quite yet.
Alice didn't wear shoes in the apartment, so he wouldn't either.
Dressed and ready to start the day, he walked into the living room to see that Alice was already sitting on the floor, two plates of food beside her.
“Has anyone ever told you that you suck at singing?” she asked.
Michael puffed his cheeks up at the insult. “That's a mean thing to say. Although…” he looked up at the ceiling, blinking when he saw a long crack run from one side of the room to the other. “I do remember trying out for the angel choir once. They told me that I should never sing again. And Gabriel once told me that my singing was like an indiscriminate, deadly weapon, and that all who heard it end up wishing they were dead.”
“They sound like smart people. You're a terrible singer.”
Michael's shoulders slumped. He couldn't believe this girl was making fun of his singing. Okay. So, maybe he wasn't the best at it, but singing wasn't about being good or bad. It was about worshiping God with music.
“Michael, even God would not want you worshiping him with your voice. You're more than likely to make his eardrums burst.”
Gabriel's words rang out in his mind.
His shoulders slumped further.
“Ugh, don't get so depressed, idiot,” Alice said, grimacing. “So you can't sing worth a damn. That's no reason to start making a face. It's just not what you're talented at.”
That just made Michael more depressed. “I know. Gabriel said the same thing.” He played with his food, moving it around on the plate with his fork. “She told me that the only thing I'm good at is killing things.” Of course, that was before she had caught him peeping on her. Now she would probably say the only thing he was good at was peeping on women.
Alice rolled her eyes. “There are so many things I could say to that, but I won't. It's not like you'll listen to me anyway.”
Michael frowned at her, then took a bite of his food. These eggs were really good.
“So, do we have any plans for today?” he asked, deciding that a subject change was in order. He didn't like this talk about his lack of singing talent. It depressed him.
“We are not going to do anything,” Alice said. “I have to go to school, and you are going to get out of this apartment.”
“School?” Michael perked up. He'd actually heard about school before, from the other angels. “That's an institute of human learning, isn't it?”
“Please don't tell me you've never been to school.”
“Why would I go to school?” He tilted his head. “I was created to fight against devils. I've never needed to go to school. And Heaven doesn't have school anyway.”
“There you go again with that Heaven crap. Don't you ever get tired of trying to make people think you're an angel?”
“But I am an angel! Why would I tell people I'm an angel if I wasn't actually an angel?”
“Because you're an idiot?”
Michael crossed his arms and puffed out his cheeks. “Meanie.”
He got another eye roll in response. “Yeah, I'm a meanie. Now shut the fuck up and eat your breakfast. I don't wanna be late because of you.”
~The Archangel Michael~
Long Beach High School held the appearance of a typical high school found in the United States. Built on its own square of several acres, the school consisted of several different shaped structures made from a combination of brick, cement, glass, and steel. Most of the constructs were square, though some were also rectangular. The school had a basketball court, a tennis court, and a track and field court that also doubled as a football field. While small in size compared to a university, which were often like their own little community, Long Beach High was still a pretty big place, especially since it held over 2,500 students.
Alice stepped off of the ugly yellow school bus, the only mode of transportation she ever took to get anywhere, and walked among the masses into the school courtyard. Students closed in on her from either side. They walked along without pause, their incessant chatter grating on her nerves. She never did like being around a lot of people.
While a lot of the students were, like her, walking to their first class of the day, there were a number that did not. She could see them, lounging around on the grass or sitting on one of the benches that dotted the landscape, which held the appearance of a park without a playground. Some people sat by their lonesome, reading a book or listening to music, but a lot of couples could also be seen. A number of them seemed content to just hold hands, but, as was the case with all young people, quite a few presented a much more gratuitous display of their affection.
Alice grimaced when she saw one couple sucking each others face's off, the girl pressed between a tree and her boyfriend, her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms around his neck. Why some people had to make such disgusting displays in public was beyond her. Couldn't they do that on their own time, like, when there weren't a couple hundred people around?
Alice's first class of the day was English, something she found herself thankful for. English was an easy class. She was much better at English than she was any other subject, which surprised her since she hated reading.
Sitting down at her desk, she took out a spiral notebook, her English book, and a pencil to write with. She then looked around the room.
A number of people were already in the classroom. Most of them sat in groups, chatting away about one thing or another. A pair of girls were giggling at something one of them said, a group of boys looked like they were talking about which actress they’d like to screw, and even more were simply conversing about events in their life and recent news at large.
No one came up to her.
Not that she expected them to.
And it wasn't like she cared. Really. She didn't.
“I see you've decided to show up.”
Scratch that. Most people avoided her like the plague, but it looked like someone had decided to break tradition.
Dustin stood next to her desk, his arms crossed as he leaned against the desk to her right. He peered down at her, an arrogant smirk pasted on his face.
“I'm surprised you'd show your face after what happened Saturday night.”
Conversation around the room ceased. Alice could see people were now paying attention to their conversation. Teenagers were a nosy bunch, always sticking their noses into other people’s business so they could spread it to the rest of the school.
Alice hated gossip.
“I don't see why I wouldn't go to school,” Alice said, glaring. “Unlike you and your jerk friends, I actually intend on getting a good education and leaving this hell hole.”
She despised Seal Beach. This city held nothing but bad memories for her. The sooner she left for greener pastures, the better.
“Tch! Still a rude little bitch, I see.” Dustin leaned down and sent his own glare at her. “You'd better watch what you say to me, or I may just let out that you dress up like a slut and whore yourself out at a nightclub.”
“It's a dance club, jack ass,” Alice snapped. “And go right ahead. Do you really think I care about what these people think of me? Five years from now, I'll be out of this city and will probably never see any of you again. Why should I care what they say or think?”
Alice remembered a time when she had cared about what others thought of her, but those times were long gone. They had disappeared years ago. Now all she cared about was leaving this place and all of the bad memories it held behind.
Before Dustin could respond, someone else walked up to them. Her skin had the light tan of a girl who spent just enough time in the sun that she didn't look pasty, but not enough time to get any real color. Tall and beautiful, with bright blond hair that went all the way down to her lower back in gentle waves. Her bright blue eyes were set between an small nose, and her full lips were a dark red. Clara Davis. Guys wanted her and girls wanted to be her. She was considered by many to be the most beautiful girl in Long Beach High.
Clara was popular, pretty, and a cheerleader, which Alice thought made her and Dustin the most cliche'd couple in the history of ever.
“Dustin, why are you talking to Alice of all people?” asked Clara.
Alice grimaced in disgust when the woman shamelessly draped herself around Dustin, pressing her stupidly large tits into her boyfriend's arm. The girl had no shame. Alice didn't understand why people like her enjoyed debasing themselves like that, but she guessed that was part of the reason she wasn't popular.
She might dress up in a bathing suit at her job, but that didn't mean she flaunted herself in public. She also didn’t act like a skank to get attention. That was just another reason Dustin's taunts had no effect on her.
“If you're going to be calling me a slut, then maybe you should take a look at your girlfriend,” Alice said. “Only a skanky bitch like her would do something as degrading as throwing themselves at a pathetic douchebag like you because they think it's what you want.”
“Says the girl who's never even had a boyfriend,” Clara snapped, her voice an angry hiss.
“If getting a boyfriend means having to act like a cheap hooker, then I don't see why I'd want one,” Alice said, standing up and matching Clara glare for glare. “You two don't have a real, meaningful relationship. I doubt you two even know what a meaningful relationship entails.”
“You don't know the first thing about our relationship! Dustin and I are in love!”
Alice snorted, especially when she saw how Dustin squirmed at his girlfriend’s comment. “Really? When was the last time you did anything other than suck faces or fuck? Before you two actually got together? Has he ever told you that he loves you?”
“Of course he has!”
“Really?” Alice raised an eyebrow. “When was the last time he said that to you?”
“Come on. Tell me when he last told you that he loves you. I'm waiting.”
Alice watched as Clara's nose scrunched up. Did finding amusement in watching the girl struggle to remember the last time Dustin confessed his love for her make Alice a bad person? She didn't think so, but she guessed some people might think it did.
“You don't even remember, do you?” Alice taunted.
“Of course I remember,” Clara snapped. “It was...”
“Right before you two had sex for the first time?”
Bingo. Alice felt a grin spread across her face when a look of shocked realization entered Clara’s eyes.
“I rest my case, your honor,” she said, sitting back down. “Now why don't you two go back to screwing each others brains out. Some of us actually want to learn.”
“This isn't over,” Clara hissed before spinning about on her heel, her hair whipping around her as she left. Dustin hesitated for a moment longer, but he, too, eventually moved off to his own seat. It was just as well because their teacher walked in a moment later.
David Durnam looked like a teacher. There was just no better way to put it. Tall and skinny, his wavy brown hair combed to the side and his light brown eyes possessing a studiousness to them. He could most often be seen wearing cardigan sweaters and khaki slacks. The round glasses sitting on his face helped lend his already intellectual appearance the refined air of a Yale graduate.
He stood at the front of the class, pushing his glasses up his nose and coughing several times to get everyone's attention.
“Before I begin this class’s lecture, I would like to introduce a new student,” he said, and everyone who hadn't been paying attention before did then. A new student? Halfway through the year? Even Alice found herself curious. “You may come in now.”
The door opened and in walked a person. While most people began whispering, Alice could only stare with an increasing sense of terror. Wearing a sleeveless shirt with the word “Distractions” boldly printed on the front, a pair of red swim trunks, and sandals, was none other than Michael. He strode boldly toward the front of the class, stopped, and faced the students.
“Why don't you introduce yourself?” David said, giving Michael the floor.
“Hello.” Michael grinned at everyone there. “My name is Michael, and I hope we can all get along.”
Before anyone else could say anything, Alice shot from her seat and pointed at him. “You! What the hell are you doing here!?”
“Do you really have to use that word every time you speak? I thought I told you to stop saying that.”
“Just answer the damn question!”
Michael looked put-out, but he shrugged and said, “I'm going to school here now. I thought that would be obvious.”
“I already figured that part out, genus! I meant why are you going to school?”
“Oh, I decided to go to school because you do. I thought it would be a good way for me to learn about human culture.”
“Human culture? What the hell kind of reason is that? And that doesn't explain how you managed to get enrolled in school.”
“Oh, that, I just gave the principle a pair of your panties.”
Rage overcame Alice in that moment… and embarrassment to, but mostly rage. How… how dare this idiot say things like that!? How dare he give away her panties to the principle!? How did he even get her panties!?
Acting on her boiling emotions, Alice grabbed her English book at threw it at Michael’s face.
Alice had chucked the book with such force that after it smashed into Michael's face, it sent the archangel-wannabe to the ground. He lay on his back, his eyes glazed over in dazed confusion. Alice glared at the idiot, her body shaking, a pent up, untameable wrath surging through her with the fury of a riptide. Anger didn't even begin to describe what she felt.
“Don't say things like that in public! In fact, don't say things like that at all!” She shouted. Alice then took a deep breath and shouted some more. “And don't touch my panties, you God damn pervert!”
Michael just groaned.