The Y-files [GL]
It really stung that Eline did not stay for the rehearsal. Maybe I should have gone with her, but I wanted her to choose to stay with me for once. I always followed her around. But ever since yesterday, I felt a distance between the two of us. Why did she care so much about social conventions?
So what if we couldn't get married? So be it. It should not prevent us from being happy together. It's still an exception that girls can get married in Belgium. There are lesbians all over the world that can't get officially married in their country, and they do their best to be happy too. Did that mean she would have gone out with a boy if she could not have married me? These kinds of thoughts were driving me crazy. But in the end, I guess I wanted her to choose me, no matter what the circumstances were.
Eline wanted her world to be perfect, and after hearing the stories of how her parents acted toward each other, I could understand where she was coming from, but this was just over the top. You need to play the cards you're dealt, not the cards you wish you had.
While everyone was fussing about Eline, nobody really asked what I thought of all of this. That hurt too. It was like I was the sidekick taken for granted.
Fien was talking with Mia again. The two of them got really close, these last couple of days. I felt a pang of jealousy rush through me. I felt like everyone was leaving me behind at the same time.
I tried diverting myself by reading the script. It wasn't really working. After a few moments, a tap on my shoulder put an end to my attempts to concentrate.
Fien stood there with a bright smile. “Let's work on the choreography of our fight,” She said enthusiastically. I instantly agreed. Maybe that would help me get my mind off of things.
We went to the stage and started with some basic moves, and some fancy duck and rolls. After a while, Fien said, “I see you are hurting, now that we are alone, why don't you tell me about it?”
So there was someone who had noticed. I wanted to tell her, but on the other hand, it touched my pride to ask a girl that is 5 years younger, and whom I saw as a little sister for advice. Shouldn't things be the other way around?
“I know what you're thinking, but little sisters can sometimes give good advice too! It's not because I'm younger, that I cannot help.” Fien pouted because I had not really reacted. She could be cute, but I wasn't really sure I wanted to divulge all the details of my inner struggle about Eline with her.
“Let's practice a bit while I make up my mind.”
Fien came up with some very flashy moves, that would really need some practice to pull off right. While we were crossing blades she said “I am sure we will be able to fix things. Claire will find a way!”
My problems were again reduced to Eline's problems. I was mistaken that she saw me as a person. In a fit, I lashed out with my sword sending Fien across the room.
I followed up and raised my sword, Fien looked really startled. I noticed someone was holding my hand. I looked back and saw Mia with a worried look on her face. “Apologize now!” she said. At that moment I noticed Eline and the other girls had returned. Everyone was looking at me in shock.
I sobered up and looked at the situation I was in. My world started turning. “I-I'm sorry, Fien!” I felt tears starting to run from my cheeks. I just wanted to get away, but Mia held me in place. “You are not running, you are coming with me.” I noticed Claire and Eline wanted to interfere, but Mia said “Leave this one to me. Trust me on this.” She sounded really assertive. Were they going to leave me in the hands of the school bully? I know she supposedly changed. But still. That was only very recently.
Claire looked both of us intensively in the eyes. Then Anna whispered something to her, and she nodded to Mia.
“Come,” Mia said. I'm not going to bite. I'm going to help you.” I reluctantly followed her. I noticed Valerie was staring daggers at me. For all her pretentious managing of the jealousy of her fan club, she seemed to be a rather possessive type herself. I guess she used double standards regarding that.
Mia led me to the top floor of the building, then looked around and took out a master key. My eyes opened wide. Where on earth did she get that key? “Our little secret,” Mia said.
We entered a little room, and she made me climb up a little ladder. The next door we encountered led us to the roof of the building. “I often come here to be alone when I'm skipping,” Mia said to me. The view was amazing. You could see all the landmarks of Brussels, even the Atomium, the Japanese tower, the Chinese pavilion, and the royal palace.
“Just stay away from the sides. This isn't one of those fancy decorated roofs with railings like you see in mangas.” Mia said. I looked at her, to see what she was planning. I mean, the school bully just dragged me to a secluded area where no one would interrupt us after I attacked one of her protégés.
In a calm voice she said, “Now that we are alone, you can scream.”
For a second I panicked. I thought she was going to hurt me.
Mia sighed at my reaction and started explaining. “I often come here when things get too much for me. I just scream it all out. You are experiencing some very difficult unfair shit. Just scream whatever is on top of your mind without the fear of anyone hearing you. Let it all out. I will be the only one that hears, and I promise I will take whatever you say to my grave.”
I looked at her a bit amazed. She was really trying to help me. I decided not to let her kindness go to waste, and took a deep breath and shouted
“Eline you idiot!”
I took another breath and shouted, “I'm a person with feelings too!”
“Now do it louder!” Mia said
I repeated those two lines really loud and started crying. Mia hugged me and said. “Of course you are. Now did it clear your mind?”
I nodded. “If you want you can tell me all about it. I will listen.”
I started telling her about my feelings about everything that was happening. How I had a hard time with Eline putting so much importance on appearances, to the point that she would leave me if she could not uphold them. I wanted her to look at me! To be with me for me! Not the idea of me.
Mia had not said a word during my entire explanation and then said “In my eyes, you will have to decide here and now. If you want Eline to be happy by your side you are going to need to fight this battle, because this is clearly important to her.”
“But what about what is important to me?”
“My guess is, that just like you want Eline to be happy, she wants you to be happy. So you will need to tell her and the people you want to know, how you feel.”
“But the choice you need to make is a lot simpler than that.”
I looked at her questioningly.
“Do you still want Eline?”
I looked inside my heart. The thought of losing Eline forever was shredding my soul. So I said “Of course, I still want her!” with a bit of power to my voice.
“Then are you willing to fight for it?”
“Yes!” I shouted.
“Will you fight?” Mia said in a way clearly meant to boost my fighting spirit.”
“I will fight!”
Mia smiled at me. “I guess you still got some spunk in you. Now go out and get her.”
She handed me her master key and said “Find yourselves a quiet place. You can return that key to me later.”
I stared at the key in my hand. “You know, Mia, I would never have guessed that you were such a sweet girl underneath. You really are a great friend. We should hang out more often.”
Mia's face flushed red instantly. My praise clearly embarrassed her. “Just go already, will you!”