Chapter 2:

Perfect Adult (1): The Strict President

Real Villain, Desu Wa!


The limbic system in my brain, isn’t it? Probably a broken processor is planted in it since that system is responsible for behavioral and emotional responses, and I have no sense of disgust. Or I have broken electrodes, as we use for advanced prosthetic arms, in my brain.

But I don’t want to fix them now, I’m hungry. Should I eat garbage?

Damian then thought, Why were those officers hostile to me? Is there a law on begging in this country? I look like a beggar after all. Or is it because I’m a criminal? In the end, I have to gather more information.

Damian took his pocket engineering toolbox in his jacket and opened it. In the toolbox, there was an insulated screwdriver, a USB connector, a flip smartphone, a stripper, glue, tweezers, and a voltage detector. He then turned on the smartphone to use a map application.

The year is 2265, and this is Kievan, the capital city of Verdandi. Where the f*ck is Verdandi? Europe?

Damian used a search engine and typed “Is begging a crime in Verdandi?” It had about 4 million results. “The Implementation of Perfect Adult Bans Begging,” Damian read. What the hell is Perfect Adult?

Damian searched for Perfect Adult and tapped “Perfect Adult is a bullsh*t”. However, he couldn’t access the website. The top-level domain of that website wasn’t “.vdi” which meant it was an overseas top-level domain. He was greeted by his mobile service provider instead: “WEBSITE BLOCKED. Sorry, access to this website is denied by the Government of Verdandi due to negative content. Access Verdandi Central Media (VCM) instead.”

For the love of- I’m not even trying to watch a p*rn!

Then Damian tapped a link from VCM’s free video-sharing website that was called VC Tube. He watched an interview video about Perfect Adult.

“What is the meaning of Perfect Adult that you propose, Mr. President?” the interviewer asked and crossed his legs.

A silver-haired man in his 60s put his left elbow on his chair’s armrest and replied: “A perfect adult is an ideal form of an adult that roots in our common sense, everyone's common sense. ‘An adult should be reliable’, ‘An adult should not be embarrassing’, we read or hear these statements every day. Then why don’t we apply it? The answer is simply because it’s hard.

Can you study without boredom? No, but if you don’t study or train, then, how can you be useful? How can you be dependable? So our professors invented an emotional suppressor or inducer to support our wish to be proud sons or daughters. We also advance our robotics technology to the point that we can create competent, honest watchdogs to ensure everyone injects those emotional drugs to their body when it is necessary.”

“Sir, I don’t think people will welcome that forced injection.”

“Immaturity is a kind of disease. People hate it, people will search for a cure for it eventually, and we, as the government, will simply assist them,” the President argued, and he was slowly rubbing his left index finger with his left thumb.

Aren’t they just selling anesthetics and aphrodisiacs? They are just doing business! Damian thought.

“Let’s say people agree, then what are the standards of a perfect adult?” the interviewer asked.

The President of Verdandi, Dent Wolfman, answered: “First of all, a perfect adult must have a good contribution to their society. You can be a doctor, a teacher, or any profession that is needed by our society. What about an astronomer? Let me ask you one question: do we need to move to Mars? If we don’t, then that profession is frowned upon. Another example is an entertainer. With the emotional drugs, we don’t need to be entertained.”

“Many people will lose their income, Sir.”

“Not necessarily. Watchdogs need maintenance. Or they can just stay at home and educate their children well, be homeschool teachers.”

Do you mean, no anime? Oh, sh*t, that is unacceptable! Damian commented. At least I can guess why those officers were hostile. A beggar is not even a profession, God damn it!

Dent Wolfman then said, “Second, a perfect adult must have a healthy lifestyle, of course. You have to exercise, get enough sleep, eat more fruits and vegetables, and so forth. Emotional drugs can help you to throw away your unwillingness.”

So I cannot be a hikikomori. That’s horrible, Damian thought.

“Lastly, a perfect adult must be honorable. Don’t cheat, don’t be a f*ckboy. To impose that, marriage is the only acceptable and safe way to have intercourse. And don’t harass others JUST because they look better than you. That's childish. There are also other norms that we teach in our reformed education.” Dent then said, “If anyone falls in their education, then they are just worthless, a future troublemaker. Just execute them.”

Damian had a horrible facial expression: he opened his mouth and curled down his lips.

This nation turns its citizens into slaves or robots. They are also extremely cruel. They just basically say “you cannot be happy” or “happiness is a sin”. Then what’s the point of human life? Just be electronic devices or breedable livestock already!! This is NOT common sense, Damian complained.

I cannot live with that, and I don’t want to lose my humanity. But first, FOOD, and MONEY!

Damian dragged a small humanoid near him and then turned it on. The jingle of an off-brand anime website could be heard. Good, it still has some energy left, Damian thought.

Damian traced that humanoid’s body to find a USB port. He then plugged his USB connector into the USB port and connected it to his smartphone. It’s time to hack, Baby.

Damian tapped the “H-App” icon on his smartphone. He saw a list of folders and files of the humanoid, and then he opened “main.fort” and began to mess up the humanoid’s program.

Man, coding with my thumb is so slow, Damian complained.

Damian dragged another robot. With his screwdriver, he detached that robot’s parts. He intended to fuse that robot’s parts with the small humanoid so the humanoid could have new functionality. He wanted the humanoid to have a radar and rabbit ears.

Damian lifted high the small humanoid and said, “Now you are called Junk Bunny or just Bunny.”

Alright, it’s time to greet those officers again. Damian carried Bunny and then approached the city’s gate from another direction.

After a few minutes, Damian arrived near the city’s gate. He saw that human officer and that humanoid officer again.

“Junk Bunny, soukan! Grip that human’s head!” Damian shouted.

Bunny was running fast toward the human officer, while Damian held a can and ran after Bunny.

The human officer aimed at Damian with his gun, while the humanoid officer was trying to block Bunny.

Thud!

Damian threw his can and hit hard the humanoid’s body. The humanoid twisted its body and leaped into the air. “Bravo!” Damian shouted and stepped aside.

Soon after that, Bunny leaped toward the human officer’s face, and it wrapped the officer’s head with its limbs. Then, small metallic thorns came out fast from Bunny’s fingers and thrust into the officer’s temples.

Bang! Bang!

The officer shot in a random direction with his right hand and gripped Bunny’s back with his left hand. “Bunny, dodge!” Damian said. Bunny jumped backward, and Damian jumped toward the officer with his fist that was about to punch.

Bam!

Damian struck the officer’s face, and the officer’s body hit the ground. Damian then took a can from his torn bag and hit the officer’s forehead again and again with the can, while Bunny switched its target and salvaged the humanoid officer’s head with its sharp fingernails.

“You try to kill me, so I may kill you. This IS common sense,” Damian said. “Alright, Bunny, hold this man’s legs.”

Damian held the officer’s arms, and Bunny held the officer’s legs. “Let’s go back,” Damian instructed Bunny. If this man is missing, I can accuse this man of what happens here. He also has MONEY, I suppose, and clean clothes, Damian thought. He and Bunny then walked back to the landfill.

It was at 22:00. It wasn’t certain if Kievan had a curfew policy, but Damian decided to infiltrate the city at that time because of one important reason: FOOD, and FOOD!

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