The First Attempt

Setting: At the psychologist

An older-looking female doctor in a long white coat is sitting on a chair, writing down some notes. Framed certificates for psychology and ‘best case study’ are hanging on the wall. Somebody knocks on the door.

Doctor: Come in!

The door opens up and a young beautiful girl with long white hair, green eyes, wearing a comfy pink dress enters the room.

The Girl: Excuse me. I made an appointment with Doct-

Doctor: I know. That’s me. Have a seat, Pandora.

Pandora sits down in a chair and keeps smiling. The warmth of her smile makes the Doctor smile as well upon the sight.

Doctor: How do you feel?

Pandora: I don’t know. Although I study psychology and I discussed this briefly with somebody that used to be my friend, I cannot actually give a name to the feelings I carry in my heart.

Doctor: You said on the phone the reason why you made this appointment with me. Does it still hold true?

Pandora: Yes. I still want to kill myself. I keep thinking about death more than about life.

Doctor: That is actually pretty normal. Everybody thinks about death or suicide at least once in their life.

Pandora: I am aware. However, it’s not a question of if or when. But rather a question of how.

Doctor: If you had already decided you are going to take your life, why come here?

Pandora smiles gently.

Pandora: I’m gonna tell you my story. It won’t be long but I believe I will be a great case study for you.

Doctor: Let’s hear it, then.

Pandora: It was a beginning of June this year. I don’t know when the first thought about committing suicide crossed my mind, but this was a day I’ve decided to lose it all…

Setting: Train Station, 3rd June 2022

Pandora is standing with a school backpack on a platform, waiting for a train to her school. She is wearing a school uniform. White shirt and a blue skirt, with blue ribbon around her neck. She is smiling and humming a melody of her favorite song.

Pandora: (narrating) My name is Pandora, I am 16 years old. Every day I commute to school by this train. The people around me are already used to me humming melodies in the public like this. The boys give me weird smiles and girls are often giggling. I am usually the first one to be here…

A girl in the same school uniform comes running through the platform, screaming.

Pandora’s friend: Pandora~!!

Pandora: (narrating) This is my classmate and my best friend, Alyssa. Some people call her Ali but she hates it and always asks them to never call her that again.

Alyssa catches up to Pandora and looks all exhausted and stressed.

Alyssa: Maan, I really wish I would get up sooner from time to time! I always fear I’d miss the train! My mom would kill me!

Pandora: It’s because you often watch your BL anime till the late night~.

Alyssa: Hey! Stop it! And keep your voice quiet! Jeeeez~!

Pandora: Ahahah, I am just teasing you, baby.

Alyssa has curly purple hair and her ribbon is messed up.

Alyssa: Could you please-

Pandora: Sure~.

Pandora immediately recognizes Alyssa’s need to get her ribbon fixed before they go on a train together.

Pandora: (inner monologue) Alyssa and I have been best friends every since we were little. We went to the same elementary school and we decided to study psychology together. It is thanks to her that I met my boyfriend.

Alyssa: Are you free tonight? It’s Friday already~! So we can hit up the city!

Pandora: I’m sorry babe, but I’ve got a date tonight~.

Alyssa: Ooooh, so you’re spending time with your beloved Vulcan?

Pandora: No~, actually somebody else invited me for a date.

Alyssa: Really?! You’re going on a date with somebody else?? Isn’t that cheating?!

Pandora: It is, why do you ask~?

Alyssa: Pandora!!

Pandora: Ahahah, I’m just kidding! Of course I’m going with Vulcan, silly.

Alyssa: Honestly, I never know when you tell the truth or just pull my leg!

Pandora: It’s just that you are so bad in reading other people, and you call yourself a psychologist in training? Boooo!

Alyssa: You’re so merciless! (cries “fake” tears)

The train comes to the platform and the girls board it.

Setting: On the train

They stay standing, holding onto the holders. Pandora hums the melody again.

Alyssa: Stop it girl~! I can’t take the song out of my head, stop humming the melody!

Pandora: (inner monologue) Alyssa is so cute when she tries to be mad. I truly love her. But all I can think about is my body being hit by this train at full force.

Pandora looks out the window. She imagines what it would be like if she threw herself in front of a train.

Pandora: (inner monologue) With this speed, I wonder how many seconds it would take for my brain to actually process the pain and stop functioning. Should I end my life like this?

Alyssa: You know and then he finally kissed him! But he played it like: ‘ohhh, don’t think anything about this, it’s just my thanks to you for teaching me how to play the guitar’!

The graphic pictures start to manifest inside of her mind. The view is black and white, only the color of her blood splashed out in all directions is bright red.

Pandora: (inner monologue) I guess it would be rather gruesome. And people would need to go grab my limbs. Poor firefighters. I wonder what they’d think if they found my severed head on the rails. Would they still think I’m pretty? Would they think: ‘Oh, what a pity. Such a beautiful young girl’? Or would they just vomit?

Alyssa: Ahahah! And then he goes like…

Pandora: (inner monologue) Oh, right… Alyssa. I would need to do it on a day she skips school. I don’t want her to witness it. But then again, I don’t know how I want to kill myself yet.

Alyssa: Would you believe it? I can’t wait for the next episode…!

The train has arrived at its destination. The girls head out and start walking towards their school.

Setting: On a sidewalk

Pandora: (inner monologue) All I know is that I just want to do it. The sooner, the better. Why? I don’t know. I just feel so… empty inside. Something hurts. And I don’t know what.

Alyssa: Pandora! Are you even listening?? Geez!

Alyssa was slightly annoyed. She pulled her arm and Pandora looked surprised, as if she just woke up from a dream.

Pandora: Of course I’m not, I don’t care what you have to say~.

Alyssa: Honestly, you’d just do anything to make me mad!

Pandora: But you’re so cute~!

Pandora pulls Alyssa’s cheeks, much to the latter’s annoyance.

Alyssa: Will you just stop treating me like your little sister?!

Pandora: (inner monologue) Hm. Little sister. Would my brother be happy if he was finally left behind as the only child just how he often laments?

Setting: In Pandora’s classroom

Pandora is sitting at her desk which is located in the last row right next to the window. Alyssa sits right in front of her. Pandora looks out of the window as if daydreaming.

Pandora: (inner monologue) This building is rather tall. I bet I wouldn’t even need to climb on the roof. Jumping out of this window would be enough to kill me.

Pandora fantasizes about jumping out of the window. As she dives into the darkness in her head, her nice long white hair just wave in the wind, illuminating the darkness around her. A cracking sound is heard.

Pandora: (inner monologue) I can see it. My neck and right leg are twisted. The blood runs out of my body and floods the concrete below me. The students run towards me and have a horrified look on their faces. I bet the stupid jerks would just record a video of me or take some pictures. The guy from the other class who confessed to me… would he find me beautiful even with a twisted neck like that? That would be like the ultimate proof of love, right?

Teacher: Pandora… Pandora!! Can you please continue reading now?

Alyssa: What are you doing spacing out like that again?

Alyssa was whispering to Pandora in a scolding tone. The school bell suddenly rang and the last period was over. Pandora packs her stuff and stands up.

Pandora: Goodbye, Alyssa!

Alyssa: Whaaat? You don’t plan to see me during the weekend?

Pandora: Eheheh. Take care! Oh, and Teacher?

The Teacher, an older man with glasses and grey hair was about to leave the class.

Teacher: Yes?

Pandora takes a deep bow in front of the whole classroom. Her classmates that didn’t manage to leave yet are watching her in shock.

Pandora: I’m truly sorry for any trouble I caused you!

Teacher: What’s this all about? You’ve been always an exceptional student, don’t worry about your spacing out during my lesson just now!

The teacher leaves the classroom and her classmates start the murmur. Alyssa looks puzzled as she sees Pandora walk out the classroom.

Setting: At the psychologist / back in the present

Pandora: That was when I decided to miss the date with my boyfriend at the time and go hang myself in my room.

Doctor: Unless you’re a ghost, I suppose you didn’t do it? So the natural question is, why.

Pandora: You’re a smart one. I realized several things.

Doctor: That you wanted to accomplish something before dying, so you wrote down a bucket list, a parting letter and decided to say a proper goodbye to everybody?

Pandora: That’d be cliché. No. I have been feeling empty. There’s literally nothing that could bring me joy. So instead, I set a deadline for my suicide. And set three rules.

Doctor: The Three Dying Rules?

Pandora: Oh, that sounds nice. I understood that people around me would be devastated. Because they all just love me so much, I can feel it. So I needed to find a way to make them stop caring about me.

Doctor: And how is this connected to the rules?

Pandora: Not so smart in reading among the lines, are you? Rule number 1: I shall not die before I hurt everybody so much that my death won’t hurt them anymore.

CHAPTER 1: END