Game Day (Part 2)

“Alright, next question,” mumbled Uyeno as she flicked through the pages on the stapled sheet. “Assume that the global economy is entering a recession. Which of the following best describes…”

Makoto took a deep breath.

Ten questions answered. Five questions remaining. One thousand yen down the gutter. One cupcake consumed. A few dozen crumbs of the aftermath on the cupcake liner.

And zero checkmarks filled in on the checklist.

Kuso! Makoto groaned internally. He could not go out like this! He was currently hosting an absolute masterclass on how to be a noob. He could already imagine Ebi’s sneer as a pen and membership form were handed to him in the imminent future for his signature.

Sitting next to Uyeno, as opposed to across from her, should have been advantageous to get a good vibe going… but everything he tried resulted in her disposition getting worse and worse. It didn’t help that he couldn't receive help from his friends anymore, since he was facing away from them (unless he were to look back constantly, but the last thing he needed to do was raise even more suspicion than he already had).

“Pretty sure exports to the Euro Zone will decrease, right?”

And… Uyeno was basically carrying him on this assignment. Maybe if he had spent less time on preparing for this frivolous encounter, he could have studied more and looked less like a fool.

“Ah yea, sounds about right,” replied a clueless Makoto.

“You have no idea what’s happening, don’t you?”

Uh oh, she was catching on. “I mean,” he said, giving himself a moment to think, “if the global economy is bad then the fall in global income reduces the demand for Japan exports.” Good thing he was good at making up random shit on the spot.

Uyeno sighed. “Ok fine. Next question … define the sunk cost fallacy. Oh this one’s easy - it’s when you persist at an endeavor that you’ve put significant time and effort into even though the current costs outweigh the benefits, right?”

“...Right, sounds familiar. Oh by the way, Shizuka, for this question…” he said, trying halfheartedly at one last paltry stratagem, to get closer to her by an inch.

Uyeno moved away a couple inches, like the north pole to his north pole.

Okay, it was time to call a final timeout. He had run out of all the tricks in the book. Well, everything except... He didn’t think it would have to come to this, but it had.

“Sorry Shizuka, I need to use the restroom again,” he said, laughing awkwardly.

“Again?” she asked, a little concernedly.

“Taco tuesday,” he said as he hurried towards the restroom.

But today’s Friday? thought Uyeno.

***

“Jeez,” remarked Orochi as soon as the door came to a complete shut. “You’re 0 for 4 on laugh attempts, 0 for 6 on blush attempts, and 0 for 1 on onii-chan attempts. I can’t believe you even tried for that!”

“You talk way too much,” berated Makoto as he reached for Orochi’s x-pencil. Orochi tried to put up a bit of a fight this time, but Makoto’s fury was not to be underestimated and in a few moments, the tears of a man’s economic despair and the remains of the instrument that had loyally served him for two days lay on the floor. The captain let out a laugh, which Makoto glared him down for.

“No need to look at me like that,” said Ebi smiling. “Like I said, I’m just a bystander to this whole scene. But if you can’t pass the wingman challenge, then let’s just say that I will become a little more than that in your life.”

“Is that a threat?” Makoto growled as he approached the captain.

“Makoto, now's not the time to pick a fight!” said Nishinoya as he held a fuming Makoto back.

“Calm down, calm down,” placated Ebi. “But it seems we’re reaching the end of the study session. Where’s all that mighty talk about being able to talk to girls now?”

Makoto grit his teeth. “I admit, I have completely and utterly failed thus far. All that seems to lie in store for the future is a sea of darkness. But… there is yet a tiny beacon of light. A glimmer of hope. One chance to stake it all and win everything.”

“Oho,” said the captain as he clapped. “And what are you thinking of doing?”

Makoto faced away from them, peering into the distance (to the urinals).

“The time has come.”

“Wait…” whispered Akashi, his eyes widening. “You cannot possibly mean…”

“I very much do, my dear friend.”

“You’re thinking of executing plan beta?”

Makoto nodded gravely. “The hours of simulation training I have endured over the past few days, memorizing meticulous line after meticulous line; the tips and tricks I received from you guys before and during the match; and the Yiki-How page with its open sourced wisdom… all of it has been for naught. If there exists a way to get Uyeno giggly and wiggly, I’m not sure even the almighty gods would know of anything such.”

“And so it all comes down to this,” said Makoto, turning back to look each of his comrades in the eye. “For plan beta to work, I am entrusting everything to you guys. My pride, my promise, everything! I won’t tolerate failure. We must trespass the domain of the gods and use that might to conquer Uyeno!”

A urinal could be heard flushing as the same expired fart from earlier opened the stall and headed for the sink. This time the old man ignored them. What kind of timing?!

Unfazed, Akashi, Nishinoya, and Orochi all looked at each other for a moment, nodded their heads, and looked back at Makoto.

“You can count on us,” said Akashi with a thumbs up. “We’ve trained to handle precisely such a situation.”

“You have placed your trust in the right hands,” said Nishinoya.

“With our help, your dreams shall come true,” said Orochi. “Plus if this succeeds, I can finally put an end to stockpiling on extra x-pencils!”

“Mhmm,” said the captain with his hand on his chin. “I look forward to witnessing your final ace in the hole.”

***

Three men in afros and sunglasses pulled up to Makoto and Uyeno’s table.

That’s the best outfit they could find?! Makoto almost groaned but promptly shut his mouth. He couldn’t blow their cover.

“Whooo, woo,” whistled the tall one, tipping an imaginary fedora. “What’s the name, m’lady?”

Uyeno looked back a little in shock, a little uncertain. “I’m not interested…”

“Not interested in what?” the man said back, flexing his triceps. “Why don’t you come with me tonight, and I can show you a very interesting time,” he said as he rotated his hips. “I just bought a brand new twister mat. We can play all night long…”

The other guys cackled.

“Umm,” stuttered Uyeno nervously.

Good job, guys! All according to plan.

“Aww, why the hesitation hun? Is the guy next to you your lover?” continued Nishinoya.

“No,” said Makoto sternly. “Now leave. We’ve got work to do.”

“Aw man,” replied Nishinoya. “She sure looks like a skank with that outfit she has on.”

This was his moment to shine. Makoto stood up, as if to deflect any further attacks on Uyeno. “What did you say?” he said intimidatingly.

“I said,” repeated the tall guy, “she sure looks like a skank.”

Makoto glared back. “You can say bad things you want about me,” he said, “but the moment you talk about Uyeno like that, you cross the line.”

“Oho, I talked about your lover too much, eh sunny boy?” taunted the tall guy, increasing his intimidating aura. “What are you going to do, nubby? Fight us?”

Makoto brought both of his fists up. “If it comes down to it, yes,” he replied coolly.

A moment of silence befell across the entire cafe.

“Aww, that’s so cute, trying to protect your broad,” mused Nishinoya. “What won’t be so cute is your body flopping on the floor. Show him how it’s done, Ihsaka!”

Akashi smiled as he cracked his fingers. “Finally, it’s been a while since I’ve given a good smacking. Get him a body bag guys.”

Aaand it’s showtime, baby.

Akashi swung at Makoto, which he dodged by ducking underneath the arm.

“Is that the best you got?” mocked Makoto, yawning as he recovered back into his fighting stance.

“Hmph, you won't be standing for long,” replied Akashi as he went for another swing.

Makoto sidestepped the punch like a boxer before swinging his own arm, hitting an uppercut in the air right by Akashi’s cheek. Akashi flung backwards, screaming in pain as he blasted through the seats and table across from the current booth, cups crashing onto the floor as he lay dormant on the floor.

Man, maybe they should’ve attended an acting school or something instead. This was an Oscar worthy performance.

“It appears we’ve underestimated your strength. But you’re way over yourself if you think you have the slightest chance of winning. Show him who’s boss, Ichoro!”

“Yes aniki!” said Orochi. Orochi ran up and made a roundhouse kick, which Makoto blocked with his palm like a tai chi fighter. Makoto rotated his hips and launched a flurry of his own kicks, causing Orochi to fly out of control and crash through two different pairs of tables and chairs, and hit a cafe waiter on the way down.

“Big brother Shinoniya,” rasped Orochi, trying to get up. “Y-You were like a father to me,” he said, coughing out some ketchup. “L-Live out my dreams, and tell my mom I loved –” and like that he fell with a thump onto the floor.

“Ichoroooooo,” Nishinoya cried out theatrically. “I never got to tell you that I am your father.” He turned to Makoto, his face twisted in rage. “You. You caused this to my son. Expect no mercy,” he snarled.

Ok, maybe that whole bit was a little too dramatic, thought Makoto.

Nishinoya lunged towards Makoto, but one punch from Makoto had him tumbling onto the ground.

“I-Impossible?!’ exclaimed Nishinoya, his arms hoisting him on the ground. “Where do you get such strength from?”

“My strength, you ask?” asked Makoto as he curled up his fist and held it high. “It comes from the desire to protect those that are closest to me,” he declared.

“N-Nani?!” gasped Nishinoya, visibly taken aback.

“In this world, those who break the rules are scum,” said Makoto, looking down at him. “But those who abandon their friends in times of need are worse than scum. Remember that.”

Click. Cli-click.

He then noticed an array of phone camera wielding customers recording them from the other side of the cafe. Uh oh, they hadn’t thought about this possibility. Now was not the time to go viral on social media. His heroic display of protecting Uyeno was already accomplished, and the three perpetrators needed to leave as soon as possible. Makoto pointed his index finger at Nishinoya, an insider cue that their act needed to be wrapped up.

“Don’t ever talk to Uyeno ever again. Got that?”

“Yes daddy!” said Nishinoya, dashing towards the exit. Akashi and Orochi bounced up from their hibernation off the floor, carefully set the chairs and tables back to their original positions, and made a beeline to the cafe exit.

He was going to need to talk to Nishinoya about his choice of vernacular after this. But whew! Makoto had worked up a little sweat from that interaction. Forget that though, what was Uyeno’s reaction? She had a damsel in the distress scenario, with Makoto as her rescuer.

This was it, the moment of truth. Now Uyeno would have no other choice but to fall in love with him. The checklist would soon be filled, and he could live a carefree college life! He turned around to face Uyeno.

“So mademoiselle, shall we continue the econ problem set?” he asked innocently.

He was met with a very unimpressed face.

“You know what,” she started, “I’m not sure what’s happening anymore. Let’s just call it a day.”

“Wait!” said Makoto. “What about finishing the assignment?”

“We can do that on our own time,” she said as she packed her folders up.

“What’s your number?” tried Makoto in desperation. “That way we can communicate about the rest of the problems?”

“Let’s stick with email.”

“Can I have a hug?”

“No.”

“H-hey Uyeno, listen to this one - a screwdriver, a pimp and an orangutan walk into a bar-”

She headed for the exit.

I-It couldn’t be. Makoto fell on all fours. “Uyeno, come back!” he cried, tears streaming down.

Someone tapped him on the shoulder. He looked up to see Ebi, with the slightest of a smirk on his mouth, as he handed him a pen and club registration form.

“Welcome to the Wingman Squad.”