An Old Man (Part 1)

“Do you know how to play ken-ken-pa?” she asked him as she traced in the last circle on the playground’s sand.

“No,” he replied, uninterestedly.

“Well then, watch me!”

She jumped onto the starting circle with her right foot. “Ken!”

She jumped forward again, this time placing both feet down on the two adjacent circles. “Pa!”

“This is eaaasy,” he said, walking up to the beginning. He jumped onto the starting circle. “Pa!”

“No, you’re doing it wrong,” she pouted, crossing her tiny arms. “It’s ‘ken’ for one circle, and ‘pa’ for two!”

“Ken, pa, who gives a fa!” he said. “If I catch up to you, I win!”

“Wait–” she protested.

He jumped forward and tackled her to the ground, a little dust cloud forming from the collision.

“MA-KO-TOOO!” yelled a stern voice from across the playground. “Play gently! You hear me?”

“Yeah yeah mom, I know,” he yelled back.

“Don’t double yeah me boy, hear, or you gon get a good whooping tonight!”

“Oww! You never play fair, do you?” the girl asked.

“Sorry,” he said as he got off of her.

“You mean it?” she asked.

“Not particularly.”

“Hmph!” It was her turn to tackle him, and a wrestling match ensued.

Makoto had almost achieved victory when he felt a figure looming behind him, and he turned around to face his mom, who handed to him what looked like a balm. Makoto looked at her questioningly.

“For your ass after tonight, son.”

Makoto jolted awake from his nap and found himself in a grappling position on the couch.

“MOOOM!” yelled Aiko as she passed by the living room on her way to her room. “Onii chan is humping the couch!”

“MA-KO-TOO?!”

“I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING!” he shouted back, quickly changing to normal sitting posture.

He sighed. Why couldn’t anything go well for him these days? Ever since he fell asleep on the first day of class, his life had been spiraling downwards.

And why did he just have another dream of her? Makoto cursed himself, for the thought of her living in his head rent free frustrated him to no end, but at the same time reinforced her presence in his mind further.

Makoto shook his head to try and rid himself of the thought loop. He turned to the TV which was playing in the background, airing an episode of Saturday Night Live. It was 9 PM already? He thought he’d taken like a 30 minute siesta or something, but seemed like he was well on his way to sabotaging his sleep schedule. He leaned forward to grab a drink and bag of chips off the table, and slouched lazily on the sofa.

“Makoto?” called out someone from behind him.

He rolled his eyes. His mom had nothing better to do than to call for him once every other minute.

“Yeah?”

“Can you clean the dishes in the sink tonight? I’m going to head to bed.”

“Huh? Why don’t you ask Aiko to do it?”

“She’s busy with her high school studies, unlike someone who’s been lollygagging around the house all weekend.”

He sighed in exasperation. It wasn’t his fault he was feeling unmotivated. Ok, maybe a teensy weensy bit. But that whole scene with Uyeno at Itchyroku cafe on Friday, and the consequences it entailed for his future college life, had left a bad taste in his mouth… Hence leading to his sulking self around the house.

“Fine fine, I’ll take care of it. Good night.”

“Don’t double fine me boy, but thank you,” said his mom, hugging him.

“We interrupt this broadcast of Saturday Night Live with some breaking news,” suddenly chimed in the television, as dramatic music began playing on cue.

The sound of helicopter blades chopping in the air could be heard as an aerial view of a shopping district could be seen.

“On Friday afternoon, a brawl broke out in the Itchyroku cafe by the reputable Takaoka University’s campus,” continued the reporter. “A video posted on facetokgram shows the egregious altercation in detail.”

Makoto almost spat out his drink.

The screen switched to a vertical bar video of the fight. A man with an afro and sunglasses was hit with a flurry of kicks and sent flying through two sets of tables and chairs.

Makoto tried to stifle the biggest groan of his life as he sunk into the sofa even more, his hands covering his face. That shit actually made the local news channel?!

“That’s by your university?” asked his mom, squinting a bit. “That boy kind of looks like you.”

“Uhh not really, he’s way too handsome,” he mumbled back. Somehow, whoever recorded this didn’t include Uyeno in the shot, so it just looked like a bunch of guys going at each other.

The feed cut to the reporter holding her microphone to a middle aged man wearing a baggy striped shirt and large glasses. “With us here is the manager of the cafe, Mr. Yoshida. Can you tell us what happened?”

“So the thing is, I’m not so sure about it myself,” replied Mr. Yoshida. “I was in the back, making a venti caramel crunch frappuccino latte with extra caramel drizzle, whipped cream, three pumps of vanilla, 2 pumps of raspberry syrup, a bit of hazelnut with coconut milk, a-”

“That’s very interesting, Mr. Yoshida, but can you continue with describing the incident please,” interrupted the reporter.

“Ah yes, of course, so basically I was in the back when I heard some commotion. By the time I turned off the stove and put my apron away and came out to check the scene, the suspects had all left! So I just went back into the kitchen to–”

“I see,” cutoff the reporter. “Thank you for your insight, manager. Also with me today is a student from Takaoka University, who happened to witness the fight live in action. Ebi Ikeda, can you tell us what you saw?”

Makoto threw his drink out of the window. What in god’s green land was the captain doing there?

“Man, it was crazy!” Ebi said excitedly, throwing his hands up like his head was about to explode. “I was sitting right next to where the eventual fight would happen, minding my own business, when a gang of ruffians approached a single man. They asked him if he was gay, and the guy responded back with a punch! They tried to attack him, but they were completely outclassed by the dude. Man’s a powerhouse!”

“Oh wow,” said the reporter. “Thank you for your time, Mr. Ikeda,” she said as the camera panned back to her. “Police investigation is underway due to the endangerment of public safety that occurred near a college campus. The government’s top priority is to ensure the public safety of its citizens. Takaoka University dean Yagami Kurai slammed the individuals responsible for the fight as “mad as a March hare” citing safety of his students as top priority in the days coming forth. We now end this segment of breaking news to return back to your daily programming.”

The screen transitioned back to Saturday Night Live.

“Be careful out there on the streets, Makoto,” warned his mom. “Life is like a box of jack in the boxes. You never know what you’re going to get.”

“Right you are, mom,” he said with a sigh.

So much for a peaceful college life.

***

“Makoto my man, how are things?” asked Akashi, wearing a red beanie, sunglasses, and a surgical mask.

“Haven’t been caught so far,” said Makoto, chewing on the cafeteria fried rice, himself wearing a green beanie, sunglasses, and a surgical mask. “How about you, Orochi?”

“Coast has been clear for me until now,” replied Orochi in a blue beanie, sunglasses, and surgical mask.

Nishinoya (in regular clothes) narrowed his eyes on all three of them. “You sure this isn’t bringing more attention to yourselves than you need to?” he asked. “The only one who should be remotely worried is Makoto. The rest of us were wearing costumes.”

“Shushhh,” whispered Akashi, placing his finger above Nishinoya’s mouth. “We could be currently under watch by the federation!”

“Relax,” said Nishinoya. “Luckily the video was pretty blurry anyway. Otherwise we would have been outed already.”

“Did you see the fight on facetokgram?” gossiped some girls walking past their table.

“Yeah! Crazy something like that happened near campus!” replied the other girl.

Makoto and company (sans Nishinoya) froze mid-chew until the girls went off the radar.

“Again, this is not helping guys,” said Nishinoya.

The other three continued looking around frantically.

Nishinoya sighed. “Whatever. In any case, today’s a special day!”

“What do you mean?” asked Makoto.

“Didn’t you hear?” said Nishinoya. “Mr. Hyōdō Tonegawa is giving a speech to the university today.”

“Tonegawa… ” mumbled Makoto. “Where have I heard that name before?”

“Does the Tonegawa Building of Economics ring a bell for you?”

“Wait,” Makoto’s heart skipped a beat. “You mean THE Hyōdō Tonegawa?! As in the top alumni donor of Takaoka University, and multi-billionaire business mogul?!”

“No, I meant the janitor by the same na- Of course, that Hyōdō Tonegawa!” said Nishinoya. “To be fair, It was announced at the last minute by the university, but still, how did you not hear about it? It was a frenzy on the campus social media. Well, that and the fight that is…”

Well, that explained it. Makoto had turned off his social media over the weekend after seeing that his “fight” got uploaded to facetokgram… Nishinoya had sent them the viral post on Saturday, which freaked them all out, but luckily the phone recording was too shaky and blurry to catch the details of his face, so at least they could ease a bit.

“I dunno, I must be living under a rock or something,” Makoto replied.

“A mountain even,” agreed Nishinoya. “But anyway, it's 5 PM today at the Tonegawa Building of Economics. First come first serve, priority given to economics students!”

Excitement rushed through Makoto’s veins. The distinguished set of Takaoka University alumni was the main reason he had attended this school. If he could network here with top dog Mr. Tonegawa, the greatest alum of them all, and work his way into his financial institutions, the world was his oyster. A future in foreign cars, lavish parties, real estate, designer clothes, and hot babes would be in his grasp, mwahaha!

Even if the wingman squad debacle hadn’t gone the way he wanted, guaranteeing him a college life filled with pests, if he could make use of this opportunity here with Mr. Tonegawa, he could look past the past.

‘Why is he drooling with that goofy grin?’ whispered Orochi to Akashi and Nishinoya, who merely put their hands up and shook their heads.

***

4:59 PM.

The auditorium was packed and buzzing, an air of excitement permeating through the room. Technicians were at the front adjusting the microphone, and university dean Yagami Kurai was standing near the middle of the stage, waiting for the ok signal to begin the event.

“Man, I didn’t expect it to be this packed,” commented the student next to Makoto, scouring through the crowd. “There are even professors from other departments here. This guy really is a big shot.”

“Yeah,” Makoto agreed. “We should count ourselves lucky to have made it in, to be honest.”

They were seated in the last row, by the exit seats. Now, Makoto was a prideful defender of procrastination, but even he wished he’d been a little more proactive in arriving for the event. Instead, he had to run a full sprint to the event, and was barely included with the last set of students allowed in. There were at least 200 more people waiting outside, but perhaps they would be able to see the event after it was recorded by video staff.

But Makoto had no time to pity those who couldn’t make it in. He had a sheet of paper, ready to take notes on all that Mr. Tonegawa would preach today. Lots of people here were probably like him, waiting for the speech to end and then going up to ask him a question. Makoto needed to one up them, and show Mr. Tonegawa that he was worthy of networking with.

The auditorium lights dimmed and the stage lights turned on, illuminating the dean. On cue, everyone in the audience stopped their conversations, and gave their attention to center stage.

“Erhmm,” said the dean, adjusting the microphone stand up to his height. “Welcome, students and staff, to our most anticipated event of the year!” he announced, as cheers from the crowd began to ignite.

“Now, now, let’s save the excitement for when our beloved guest comes on stage,” he said, calming the crowd. “First, some housekeeping notes. Those who are new here, there are exits to the left and right of the auditorium, with bathrooms on both sides. Please refrain from making too much noise if you are headed to such places.”

“Second,” he continued, taking a deep breath. “It has come to our attention that there was a fight near campus at Itchyroku cafe.”

Makoto gulped. Of course this had to be brought up over and over.

“Do not worry,” continued the dean, “for our first and foremost priority is the safety of our students. We have ordered a police investigation into the matter, and the perpetrators who dared to threaten the peace, wellbeing, and sanctity of our campus will be brought to justice!”

The crowd cheered and people began giving a standing ovation.

Oh jeez, it’s over, thought Makoto, resting his head on his hands.

“You’re not standing?” shouted the student next to him.

“Oh of course, down with the perpetrators!” cheered Makoto as he stood and began clapping half-heartedly, tears streaming down his face.

Once the crowd’s cheer died out and returned to their seats, the dean continued. “Alright, that’s enough of an introduction. Without further ado, please welcome multi-billion dollar business conglomerate owner, Mr. Hyōdō Tonegawa from the class of 1969!”

The crowd once again came off its feet and clapped like no other. Some were even whistling. Makoto could not blame them, for this was a once in a lifetime opportunity to see one of the most successful men in Japan, or perhaps even the world, speak.

An old man appeared from backstage armed with a confident smile, as the cheers from the crowd grew. He grabbed the microphone from the dean and bowed.

Makoto had his eyes closed, standing while clapping vigorously, taking in the atmosphere that sounded more like a football stadium than a college auditorium.

One day, I will be standing on the other side of the dais, he thought as he opened his eyes, ready to take in all that was in front of him.

And as he took a good look at the old guy on stage, his clapping slowed and his eyes widened.

I-It couldn’t be!

“What is up, TAKAOKA UNIVERSITY!” Hyōdō shouted, as the crowd cheered even louder like it was an EDM concert.

No, no, no. Silly him, haha, his brain was obviously too fried from all the events from the past couple days. He was just having a fever dream, that’s all. Manifest. His bratty little sister had informed him, when he had mocked her spiritual beliefs after the cafe debacle, that he had forgotten to mutter a hum, which was needed to fully connect his physical body to the spiritual realm. Silly him!

He called upon all the spiritual energies in the world, activated his internal chakras, re-aligned his planes of existence, made the tantric sign of universal energy, made a low hum, and checked back on stage.

Unfortunately, what was on stage hadn’t changed. It was the same old fart from Itchyroku cafe, the one with a loose mouth and a looser bladder.

Makoto almost fainted.

“You know, I was actually at Itchyroku cafe, my favorite cafe, when the fight took place.”

The crowd responded with collective oohs and aahs.

“That’s right, I was waiting on my venti caramel crunch frappuccino latte with extra caramel drizzle, whipped cream, three pumps of vanilla, 2 pumps of raspberry syrup, a bit of hazelnut with coconut milk, and ginger scrapes when I saw the fight take place. Quite the fight that was, might I say. If I were in prime condition, I would’ve joined in to show who was boss,” he said as he flexed his old man triceps, the crowd laughing.

Makoto collapsed into his seat in disbelief. How could this be possible?! His hopes and dreams might as well be tossed into the toilet, with Hyōdō doing the honors by flushing them down the drain. It would be impossible to network with the mogul now, for that man had heard all of his embarrassing talks in the Itchyroku cafe bathroom! He would never achieve world domination, kuso! Instead, he would forever be a wage slave. The thread of his future in high domed buildings and gold decor was severed, and now he had to persist in the doomed timeline he had created.