Dawn

He started laughing.

“Why are you laughing?”

He smiled while trying to stifle his laughter

“You know how sometimes you just think how stupid your past self was, for example when you see old pictures, presentations or other things?”

“Ok, I see where this is going.”

“To get to the impor-“

He giggled. He coughed two times and continued talking.

“… The important stuff. Do you remember why you wanted to come up here?”

It got dark and I started to see the stars above.

“I wanted to get a better view of the valley.”

“Exactly, you achieved that, but where do you want to go next?”

I looked at the black sea below me, the unlit fog covered the equally black forest like a black blanket.

“I have no clue.”

“Exactly, I will help you with that. I know you enjoyed hiking up here so much that I'm sure you'll want to do more of it.”

“Well, not real-“

“Yes, you do. Your next destination will be the top of the adjacent mountain.”

He pointed to a black triangle somewhere in the distance which was difficult to see against the similarly black sky.

“How far is it?”

“Another two days.”

I looked down at my feet.

“Knowing that it isn’t an estimation only makes it worse.”

He smiled.

“Trust me, I know.”

“What is that supposed to mean?! Of course, you know, how shouldn’t you?!”

I stood up.

“Dude, chill out.”

He looked up at me, still smiling. I answered him by looking at him irritated. At that moment the smile disappeared from his face. I asked:

“Did something happen?”

He stood up.

“I just remembered, we're pretty much done here, that's pretty much it.”

He took out his knife and started to walk away.

“Wait, aren't you going to kill me?”

He turned around.

“Surely you can do that yourself?”

I didn't understand, but I guess I just couldn't. I accepted it, I would suffer now and in return help my future. I took out my knife and held it to my throat and closed my eyes.

“Wait!”

I opened my eyes.

“I forgot one thing. You have just decided that you would help your future by suffering now or something like that.”

I took my knife away from my throat.

"Honestly, the whole "I'm you but from the future" thing is really fucking annoying."

“Sorry that I remembered or as it may seem to you read your mind. If you don't want the threat of attack looming over your head, you can just kill yourself instead. But please try to kill yourself before 6 o'clock, otherwise, I have to come by which could take a whole day and thus delay our freedom by a good part. That’s all, see you tomorrow.”

He pulled his knife out of his pocket and without hesitation stabbed himself in the neck. He pulled the knife from his neck dropped it and fell to the ground. I saw a small red river spread out below his head and flow down. I thought, no I was sure he was already dead, but he raised his left arm and waved at me before dropping it. His presumably dead body started to roll forward before hitting a rock two meters down the slope and staying there.

I looked at my knife and wondered what would happen if I just didn't kill myself, but I remembered. No “what if”, that was clear to me now. If I didn't kill myself, he wouldn't have killed himself or he would be back here killing me. No, it was already certain, I would kill myself, nothing could be done about that. I looked at my watch one last time. It was almost 9 o'clock in the evening.

I held the knife to my neck one more time. I wondered how many dead selves were just lying around at that moment. Another time I felt the cold blade of my knife pressing against my throat, but it was the second time it was me holding it and the first time I did it willingly. It was like standing in the shower and taking a cold shower on a hot summer day. I knew it would feel good afterwards, yet I was afraid to turn on the water. Just the thought of the cold water touching my skin was enough for me to stand there for half a minute unable to make an oh so simple decision. How pathetic I was, I thought.

“How pathetic I am.”

I closed my eyes. I should have asked him to do it for me. Until now, I had always taken this task from myself, for example, when I fought against Yui I killed my past self as my future self. Thinking all the time wouldn't help me either, I just had to do it and even though I knew that. No, these were all just excuses, I was just putting it off by thinking about it more and more, I just had to do it.

I felt the cold blade as it cut through the warm flesh of my neck. I felt the burning hot blood flowing over my cold hands and it felt like a red river of blood was pouring out of my neck all over the valley. I fell to the ground and my grip loosened from the knife, which remained stuck in the wound. The world around me began to blur, but I hardly noticed. The only thing I felt was the sharp, piercing object that was still stuck in my throat.

- booting #023

- repeat

I felt someone tapping me on the shoulder. I opened my eyes. It was still early but the sun blinded me anyway. I exhaled and a small cloud formed over my head, and I froze all over my body.

“Good morning, it's really fucking cold up here, don't you think?”

he rubbed his hands together and it was clear that even if not necessarily as much as me he was also cold. I stood up and activated the magnetic links of my jacket.

“Let me tell you that it will be quite inconvenient that you can't close your jacket overnight.”

His jacket was already closed. He looked at his watch.

“Damn, but it was also kind of clear that I would not make it in time.”

I looked at him.

“What are you talking about?”

He started slowly walking towards the fog.

“You should get back to Yui, but I’m warning you she will be very pissed.”

“Wait!”

He didn’t stop.

“You can see Yui?”

“I didn't say that but yes, when I was you, I could see her, in other words, yes I know her.”

He disappeared in the fog.