Help I don't understand my feelings Pt2.

Upon reaching the shade of the forest, I immediately feel a lot better. While the air is still warm and sweaty, no more direct sunlight penetrates me.

Eventually, my thoughts return to the sleeping angel in my room.

I really wonder how Yori's presence is going to affect my everyday life from now on…

Knowing the girl, I'm fairly sure that she'll want to spend the entire time with me. I'm already mentally preparing myself for having her around me 24|7 though I don't really know if I can survive.

I need to get used to her being around. If I freak out at every little thing, my life expectancy is gonna plummet…

But how do you stop freaking out whenever a girl is around? I mean, I can't exactly just ignore it. It's impossible, right?

A sense of fright is blowing through the rustling leaves of the surrounding trees. I'm not sure if I can deal with Koyori on top of my conflicting emotions but I can't keep running away from my problems forever. If I hadn't, then maybe I wouldn't be such a shut-in today…

My grandma would often tell me that luck is like a bird. If you don't catch it, it'll fly away. Koyori flew away once already. There's no telling how long she's staying and I don't feel like asking. I don't want her to fly away again and I don't want to know when she'll escape the nest either. Yet, I can't decide if Koyori is a lucky bird.

I feel like meeting Koyori again is both a curse and a blessing, though the curse part is entirely on me. I'm already kind of missing her in spite of everything. Would she welcome me back with a hug?

Wait, what if she gets mad at me for leaving her alone?

Suddenly, the heat isn't the only reason for sweating like a bull.

If I don't get back before she wakes up again… Shit, I need to hurry.

Realizing my blunder, I pick up my pace even if it means more heat to endure. The last thing I need now is to get on the wrong side of Koyori. She already had to take the front-loaded shock of finding out that her best friend is riddled with weirdness.

If she figures out that I've been avoiding her, I doubt she'll be able to take that as well…

My plan to get home asap is quickly thwarted, however, when my hastened walk carries me to a nostalgic place. Framed by many trees, a wooden fence, and a sign telling me that I'm too old to enter already, I'm suddenly standing in front of the entrance of the playground where everything began…

I still remember it as if it happened yesterday. It was a day like today, fairly hot and humid. That's probably why not a single child can be seen playing here. Back then, I was playing alone as well until I suddenly wasn't…

*

"Hey you, wanna play?"

I perked up from the crappy sandcastle I was working on which resembled an igloo a lot more than an actual castle. My body turned around to see who had spoken to me.

Already back then, I immediately thought that Koyori looked cute with her colorful dress and the ribbons tying her piggy tails together. Awkwardly, I responded.

"Uhm, sure but I've never seen you before…"

"Well, I just moved here, hehehe."

Koyori had been just as cheerful and silly as she is today, sporting an amount of self-confidence I can only dream of.

"My name is Koyori but everyone calls me Yori-chan," she told me with a smile that immediately told me she couldn't be a bully.

"I'm Keiichi," I introduced myself curtly.

"You're Kei-kun then," she beamed at me and immediately began to drag me around. "Come, let's hop on the net swing and see how high we can go!"

*

An odd smile plays around my lips as I reminisce about those events, taking a seat on one of the regular swings. At the end of the day, we had become best friends and we'd meet every afternoon for a little more than a week. Koyori could turn the most ordinary event into something fun. I loved that part about her and, I suppose, I still do.

I should really take her to this place at some point, it's better than not knowing what to do for sure.

Unfortunately, at 13 years old, I can't spend the entirety of my summer break going down the slide shouting 'weeeeeeee' like an idiot. If I want Koyori to entertain herself, I'll have to think of something better than turning her into an Otaku or doing childish things.

I begin to ride the swing a little to combat the heat, the rhythmic back-and-forth movement aiding me in vaporizing my sweat. More memories keep me at this place, my previous hurry already forgotten.

We used to play a lot of hide and seek and catch, played with all the various structures the playground offered, built sandcastles that actually looked the part, or spent our time drawing pictures while hiding in the rice fields.

Didn't we even gift each other a drawing? I'm pretty sure I kept mine stored up somewhere…

I grab my smartphone from the pockets of my denim shorts.

I'm going to look for this later, writing a note just in case.

Remembering the drawing also reminds me of something else. The promise I made to Koyori, the one I dreamed about, returns to my attention. Even though this isn't the first time I'm reminiscing about it, the embarrassment doesn't diminish at all. But more importantly…

I wonder if Koyori remembers it too - for more than one reason...

I'm beginning to grow tired of the swing, walking over to a wooden seesaw with two seats on each side. Absentmindedly, I push myself up. Although, with no weight to nullify mine, I keep crashing back down.

I really wonder what Yori actually thinks of me…

Considering the way she acted around me today, one would be eager to assume that she's fallen head over heels for me but Koyori had already been that way when she was just six years old. Therefore, I have absolutely zero clue about the feelings she harbors behind her ever-smiling face.

There's not a single doubt that she likes me a lot but it feels more like the type of childish affection towards a parent. To think I used to hug Mom all the time when I was little…

I quickly blush at the memory of this but I feel like I'm hitting pretty close to the truth. Even though most romantic stories aren't realistic at all, they still don't feature the Yori-chan stereotype.

The female love interests are often kuudere, cold and reserved girls who are hard to crack, or tsundere who love you but would rather kick your balls than admit it. Many are yandere too, obsessing over the male protagonist to the point of seduction or even murder. The shy and quiet dandere archetype is also extremely popular in romantic stories.

Yori doesn't really fit into any of these though.

Her character may be closest to a dere dere or a bakadere but neither of those is common in romantic content because romance usually isn't the first thing on their mind. I feel like Yori might be just like that. Or should I say, I fear?

Knowing Koyori's true alignment would help me a lot. If I knew that she didn't like me romantically, things would be a lot less awkward between us for instance though I'd also be a little sad. And if I knew that she liked me romantically, I wouldn't have to fret over many things either.

After all, the butterflies in my stomach are excited just thinking about her admitting her feelings. Damnit, the symptoms are back again!

I grumble at the telltale signs of being love-struck. The more I'm trying to deny it, the stronger it gets.

Maybe that's what all of my problems boil down to? Is it because I like her romantically that I'm so edgy around her?

Stoically, I continue to push my body up with my feet while continuing to ponder this. I can still recall riding the seesaw with Koyori back then. I really loved playing with her because we were sitting opposite each other. Yori's face would always light up with joy and laughter and I could watch her being jolly and cute the entire time.

Would she still do that with me today, I wonder?

Suddenly, the seesaw drops a lot more slowly.