Meeting her at the playground again

I look up upon realizing the sudden balanced state of the seesaw. The angelic form of Koyori is sitting on the other end, waving at me when our gazes cross.

Koyori?!

I don't know how she could find me though I doubt that my half-hearted wish has anything to do with it.

“How did you find me?” I inquire as neutrally as possible. Koyori doesn't seem to be mad on the surface though I've already seen bigger smiles on her face.

"Oh, when I woke up you weren't there so I asked your mother and she pointed me here, hehe."

I blink at Koyori in a mixture of disbelief and shock.

I came here purely by chance, Mom couldn't have known!

"She's a true witch for recommending you correctly on a mere hunch," I mutter in annoyance, though Koyori offers a much more believable explanation.

"Oh, she did not have a clue where you could be since you never leave the house so she located your smartphone."

Of course she would, that's Mom for you…

"I was just taking a walk and randomly came past this place on my way back."

"Oh, I see."

A knot is forming in my throat. Koyori isn't saying anything but her demeanor hints at a hidden emotion that's threatening to override her usual happiness.

I remember Koyori asking me if I were mad at her when we reunited. Back then, I told her I wasn't mad despite low-key blaming her for not contacting me all this time. Could she be low-key blaming me for abandoning her now?

“Are you mad?”

"Why would I be mad at you?"

She even copies the words I used while actively participating in the seesaw game.

“Because I left you without saying a word," I ruefully admit.

"I thought you didn’t want to wake me up."

As if to underline her statement, she sticks out her tongue and giggles a little.

Guess she's not mad then, what a relief…

I'm smiling a little at her innocence.

“That too but… “

How do you talk to a girl who you haven’t seen in ages!? I can't exactly tell her about the internal state of my mind and why it was necessary to leave for a bit…

Awkward silence develops between us. Only the rhythmic sound of our feet pushing each other into the air and back down can be heard between the occasional birdsong. My eyes make a few, sheepish attempts to establish eye contact with her but they're doomed to fail.

"This place brings back so many great memories, don’t you think?"

"Y-yeah…"

More awkward silence.

Goddammit, say something Keiichi!

"Kei-kun?"

Abruptly, Koyori quits the game and begins hurling a massive monologue at me at record speed.

"Is everything ok?"

Gee, I don't know.

"You’re so different from the Keiichi I remember today. I know I said something different before but I was sleepy and you hadn't left me yet."

Does that mean it bothers you anyways?

"You’re so quiet today, Kei-kun! You’d always talk all day long."

Why I'm sorry for being quiet here but 6 years ago it didn't feel weird to talk to you yet!

"You’re not looking at me even though you’d always look at me all the time. Did Yori-chan turn ugly?"

No, you're still pretty but that's why this is so hard on me damnit!

"You look troubled but you’ve never worried about a thing back then."

Oh trust me, you just didn’t notice.

"You’re not avoiding me, are you?"

Oof, this hits hard…

Suddenly, she jumps to her feet in agitation until she stops right in front of me.

"Are you perhaps mad at me?"

You asked me that question already, you know?

"I’m not inconveniencing you, am I?"

Frankly, you are but I'm probably okay with it.

"I just appeared without asking you first and now you’re acting so cold towards me."

That's how she thinks of me?! Well, crap…

"Do you even still care about me, Keiichi?"

I'd hardly be here right now if I hadn't been racking my brain about my feelings toward you.

"You haven’t… forgotten me, have you?"

If not thinking about you for a while counts, then I probably did. I still remember everything though!

"Are we even still friends?"

Idiot, I even told you I'm your friend. Stop worrying already!

"I mean I know it’s been a long time and I’m sorry I couldn’t come visit sooner. I would have come over every weekend if I could but… Keiichi?"

She talks too much…

I catch myself slipping a chuckle which finally breaks her rapid fire of questions.

“Geez, you worry too much, Yori-chan," I assure her. Yori perks up when she hears me call her by her nickname.

“It’s just… how should I put it…" I struggle hard to find the right words to explain myself properly. "It’s been so long and I… haven’t really spoken to a friend ever since, I guess… Maybe I’ve forgotten how the old 'me' used to act around you. Besides…"

I'm beginning to trail off as I'm entering the unknown territory of my conflicted emotions. A well-placed interjection of the girl saves me the trouble of elaborating on anything though.

"I really liked that old 'you', you know?"

Heavily blushing, I feel my body freeze in spite of the heat. Yori pulls an angelic smile on me.

W-w-wait, is she going to c-c-confess?!

"And, if my memory serves me right…" A dramatic pause makes me sweat bricks. "You really liked the old 'me' too, didn't you?"

I like the current 'you' too but I can't tell you without literally dying from a heart attack!

"Well, looks like you remembered that, hehehe."

Well, looks like you remember it too. 7-year old me was pure cringe…

Koyori briefly laughs at my bashful face before speaking up again in a more serious, almost melancholic voice.

"You know, Keiichi? Those few days we spent together were actually my happiest days ever. I don't know how much time we have this time around so I want us to have as much fun as possible and not waste a single second of it."

She doesn't know how long she can stay either? Well, I guess I don't want to know. Anyways…

"But you just took a nap," I retort in an attempt to score against Koyori for a change.

"Well, I had to get up really early to arrive here… People are often grumpy when they're tired so this doesn't count as wasting time, see?"

"Only little Yori-chan's need a nap though; napping is for children, you know?"

Heeding her wish with some banter seems to brighten her mood immediately. Ultimately, though, I still lose the exchange.

"You've been a little grumpy today too, maybe you should take a nap as well?"

So that's how she thinks of me? I'm really the worst…

"Grumpy? Well, Mom got on my nerves a lot today but this has nothing to do with you or me being sleepy for that matter. Too many things happened too fast today, too many things that I'm neither familiar nor comfortable with. That's why I decided to take a walk in the first place. I needed to sort my thoughts and feelings and figure out how I should act from here on though I'd be lying if I said I'm already done…"

My explanation backfires somewhat as Koyori switches back into her worry mode.

"Keiichi are you saying that I'm making you feel bad right now?"

Oh crap, she totally understood that wrong!

"Yes and no…" I spend a short moment thinking up an answer that doesn't prompt me to bury myself in the sand pit before I elaborate.

"You see, Koyori, I'm a lot different now from the Keiichi I used to be. I can't remember the last time I left the house without a good reason because all I ever do is be an otaku who spends all of his time playing games and consuming all kinds of anime stuff instead of socializing with others."

"Oh, you mean things like… those?"

"See? I'm already being a bad influence on you!!!" I cry while looking for a shovel to bury myself.

"Erase them from your mind, I beg you."

A short burst of laughter escapes Koyori's lungs before she continues to listen to me.

"A-anyway, this is exactly why I'm struggling with this situation now. But none of this is your fault, it's entirely on me."

Actually, there's a lot more to this but I can't openly talk about these things unless someone brings me that shovel…

"However, this is also like a dream come true for me. I'd be lying if I said that I haven't been waiting for this day to arrive…"

A slight shudder creeps across my body as the cringe connects but Koyori's eyes are sparkling with happiness, prompting me to continue my speech.

"You seem to be just like the Yori-chan I met six years ago while I've changed into an idiot. I also think that the old 'me' was a lot more fun so… I'll do my best to… Koyori?

Koyori suddenly has an odd smile on her face.

"Oh, Keiichi."

Abruptly, her hands land firmly on my shoulders. Several bee hives are buzzing around in my stomach now. Koyori's face is only a few centimeters from mine. Making eye contact is impossible but I manage to stare at her forehead as opposed to averting my eyes entirely.

"Silly Keiichi, don't try to be a person that you're not comfortable being. You're different now but you're still Keiichi to me and that…"

Suddenly, she allows herself to lean forward, her hands slipping lower to wrap around me in a caressing embrace.

"…is what matters."