“Mind Fractation”

After how things went at the rave, I’ve been determined to recreate that perfect storm. The mood was electric, now I just have to bottle lightening.

Every spare minute has been spent on researching events for the rest of the semester, in eager hopes of kindling similar encounters. Unfortunately…

“I missed Midnight Mayhem AND Tokyo Dark Tower!”

…just my luck.

Even missed out on several gigs, including Dr Caligari and Inugami, but I did find a couple of new venues to check out. Clubs Scientific and Larceny; spiritual successors to SUPER LIVE THEATRE ARENA - RIP!

Speaking of which, I’d read that Tokyo Hedonism had ceased to be, but with Maru then Kaori mentioning it, it must have only been for lockdown. That said, Hedo Bar Z - though amazing, especially with getting to see SaSan live - did feel different to what I’d seen in photos. Maybe, as with many places, the original location closed and they…

“I missed their reopening too!” my theory turning out to be correct.

…the venue may change, but the hedonism stays the same!

With absolutely nothing to fill my calendar around assignments and tutoring, and still no further on official Halloween events, I try to temper myself with practical projects instead.

I mean, I know I shouldn’t be spending my earnings before I’ve been paid either, but I need to know when things are, then I can save towards them. It’s not just about the fashion… It’s about the music too!

I say, trying to desperately to distract myself from thoughts of Kao-

PING

“What am I going to do…”

My phone has been blowing up with notifications from Fuyumi.

I actually feel like a complete asshole for avoiding her, but I have no experience with rejecting people. Not enough have shown interest in the first place to get that far.

I don’t want to hurt her feelings, and I know the longer things drag on, the worse it will get, but…

“I do not want you to go on a date with Fuyumi.”

…Kaori’s words echo through my mind, and I’m a man of my word. Things have been going insanely well, and I refuse to screw up again.

Yet, when I find myself ambushed by an angry Saki, looking to give me a piece of her mind, I don’t… I cannot defend myself.

I still feel guilty after all.

“Look, Tyler, you can’t lead her on any longer.”

“I know, I know, but…”

“No buts. You suggested going out for coffee. It doesn’t have to be more than that. That’s all she wants.”

“I can’t afford it until I get paid next, things got a bit out of han-”

Saki’s expression turns from stern to borderline hostile.

“Oh, I know. Fuyumi showed me the pictures.”

Pictures?

“What pic-”

She’s already scrolling through her phone.

“Look familiar?”

It’s from Hedo Bar Z.

There were a few people taking pictures, but one must have been an official photographer. We’re not tagged, no one knows who we are, but apparently we caused quite a stir and have gone low-key viral.

“Everyone knows you’re friends with the Snow Quee- I mean, Kaori…”

A scowl started to form on my face and must have scared Saki into being polite.

“…but you can’t be led on by her. Just give Fuyumi a chance. It’s just coffee, and she’s done so much for you already! You owe her, Tyler!”

Alright, stop! I get it already. I’ve had this same back and forth inside of me for over a week now. I’m begging you!

“I know. I get paid the end of the week. Tell her I’ll be in touch then. I promise.”

She remains dubious for a moment, but begrudgingly accepts my terms.

“Don’t make me have to come after you!”

Saki winks in an attempt to paint the comment as playful, but it was still only a barely veiled threat. She’s looking out for her friend. If I hurt her, I’m dead.

Understandable.

My friendship support network on the other hand…

“Resolve this on your own.”

…like, I know this is a "me" problem, but Kaori’s customary coldness feels even more bitter.

If things are going how I think they are, and our roles were reversed, I’d probably feel prickly about helping her deal with someone else having a crush on her too. Especially, if she led them on first. Even if it was an accident.

“Look, I will. I’m trying. I just don’t know what to do. I have never ever had to do this before. I’ve never even been in this kind of situation before. I don’t really know her other than she’s Saki’s friend and studies HR!”

Kaori is unimpressed and becoming more disgruntled as my stream of consciousness flows on.

“What I’m asking is if you have any advice at all? If you haven’t had to deal with something similar, do you know anyone who has? What did they do? How did it turn out for them? That sort of thing?”

She responds to my question with a menacing glare that says, “Do I look like I’ve had multiple people chase after me or have any friends like that?!.”

Message received!

“Well, what about Fuyumi herself? You’ve been at the same university for 3, nearly 4 years… some overlap in acquaintances must have happened with your modules in the Business School at least?!.”

Kaori has a flash of irritation at my asking her about another girl - I’m sorry, I get it - but she sighs and offers me one single morsel of advice.

“She is a landmine.”

I have no idea what that means, but pressing further will just make things worse, and I don’t want that more than I do want to know more.

God help me!

The rest of the week has me walking on eggshells. Tiptoeing about like I really am avoiding a minefield.

Fuyumi starts coming across more erratically, and I hate that I’m the cause. Whenever she spots me, her usual waving is more exuberant. Her messages more sweet and expectant. But, whenever I see her first, she looks miserable, like she’s already heartbroken.

One afternoon, she’s sat on her own in the quad, not on her phone, not with Saki, not doing anything at all.

It would be a serene scene if it weren’t for the anguish writhing behind her features.

I turn away, unable to endure the cruelty of passing her in the open, only to have to make an excuse about going to the dorms or something. When in reality, I’m on my way to meet Kaori, even if it’s just to study in the library.

The guilt gets the better of me and, as I lurk on the periphery, nausea takes hold.

I sprint to the bathroom.

Vomiting agitated stomach acid and watery bile as soon as I am in a stall. Crying at the pain I’m causing someone else because of my own cowardice.

I cannot wash the taste out my mouth. No matter how much tap water I gargle with.

Serves me right.

On my way back, drawn to the same route rather than finding another way round, I spot a vending machine. After some deliberation, I spring for a Peaky Sweat and chug it down in one. Hoping it settles my stomach a little after puking, or preferably cover its lingering flavour.

Peeling the label and dumping the bottle into the recycling to kill more time.

I consider grabbing a Uranium C as well, but the sight of several cans sets an idea in motion.

A way to resolve things without breaking my word to Kaori.