When the Hat Fits

Conan was still rummaged through his conversation with Rian. They headed towards the girls who waited for them outside the women's bathroom. Orla looked worn-out. Her eyes closed as she rested against the wall. Meanwhile, Sassara brushed the club back and forth with a focused gaze, trying to spot the guys.

She found Conan's face in the crowd. Her frown disappeared, replaced by a smile of relief. 

She waved at him.

It resurfaced. A flash. A memory bullet. Her silhouette waving at him on the beach. 

That wave. She had been the first one to reach out. Him, he stood there like a dumbass, with a girl hanging from his arm. And he had lost her.

The memory struck deep in his bones. 

Fuck.

A sharp pain in his heart. He stopped. Brought a hand to his chest.

Rian looked back, worried. "Hey. Are you ok?"

That wave. 

"Do you feel like throwing up," Rian insisted.

Conan took a sharp inhale, and smiled at his brother. "No, nothing like that. I'm ok. Let's go."

As they arrived, Sassara put a hand on his sister's shoulder. Orla opened her fatigued eyes.

"Guys," said Sassara. "I think it's time for us to go home."

"Do you feel ok Orla," asked Rian.

"Yeah, yeah. Just no more battery juice."

They left the hysteria behind the large doors, took their coats, and headed out. The cold air enveloped Conan's overheated body. It showered away the heaviness that stuck to him. 

After some back and forth, Sassara gave up and let Rian carry her on his back. She held her heels in one hand. "Don't worry Conan," he said. "You'll get to carry her later. Let me do the grunt work for now."

They all laughed. Orla walked with a hand on Conan's shoulder. He crossed his arms with her so she could lean better on him. "Thank you."

"Of course," he said. "It's funny. It feels like I'm walking you down the aisle." 

She laughed. "Yeah. It does. Feels nice." she exhaled. "Feels better than having Emilio there."

He could not blame her. He looked ahead at Sassara, her heels dangled in the air.

"Orla?"

"Yes?"

"I get that you wanted us to hang out together. But why did you choose a club? I mean I had a blast, don't get me wrong. But I would've been happy with a bar, or chilling at home. You didn't have to do all this..."

Orla laughed hard despite her tired state. She looked down at her stomach. "Well, with this new person coming, I don't know when I'll be able to go dancing with people again." She rested her free hand on her flat belly. "This little bean makes me think about a lot of stuff." 

Her voice sounded bitter sweet. 

"Like what?"

She looked at Conan.

"Like the fact that we'll always be able to hang out. Even after the baby comes. You'll come to ours with Sassara, play cards, grab a beer and have a barbecue." She paused, looking at their brother ahead. 

"That sounds wonderful."

"But still. Rian and I realise that we weren't here for many important moments. And we know that going out with your family is not as wild as with your friends. But you know," she said, and gripped his hand tight. "We wanted to be part of something special." She sniffed. We want you to brag to your friends on Monday. Tell them, 'Guys my siblings took me dancing for the first time, bought me my first cocktail, and together we danced all night long."

"Best siblings in the world," he said, and tightened his hold on her hand.

She laughed. "Yeah." And sniffed. "We weren't here much for the rest, but." Her body shook. She sniffed again and with her hand, dried away the tears before they started falling. "We wanted to send you off into the shitty world of adults properly." 

She sobbed, unable to hold it in anymore. 

Conan shifted fast. Hugged her tight. His big sister felt tiny in his arms. Her and his nephew.

Uncle Conan. Sassara's words echoed back.

'You have two hats now.'

His vision blurred. He sniffed.

Her sister sobbed, her face buried in his coat. "We love you Connie. We love you so much."

"I love you too." He cleared his throat. "And same thing for William." She sniffed against him. "So don't worry about it anymore."

"All good behind," asked Rian, looking back at his siblings.

"Yeah, all good," Conan answered as they joined them again. He was still shaking inside.

Yes. Everything was good again.

The drive to Conan's apartment was silent. Peaceful. Sassara's head rested against Conan.

They parked in front of the place. There were many hugs and kisses as Orla and Rian said goodbye to Sassara.

"Thank you for taking such good care of Connie," Orla said to her. 

"Please keep up the good work," added Rian.

"I gotchu' guys," she said with a smile.

Rian hugged Conan. "You and Sassara are solid," he said in a low voice. "So take care of each other. Alright?"

"We will."

He hugged his sister. "We'll see each other soon. I'll come back with William."

"Sounds great. Tell him to bring his best dad joke."

They stayed on the sidewalk and waved until their car disappeared beyond the green light. 

Conan felt a pang on his heart. He was so happy it kind of hurt.

Sassara exhaled, and sat on the building's steps. She had been a little silent these past few hours. She closed her eyes. "I'm so empty." A yawn escaped her and she giggled when Conan yawned in return. "Are you copying me?"

He chuckled, and sat next to her. 

"You had a good night," she asked him.

"I had the best night ever." And then he locked eyes with her. "You told them something, right?"

"I may, or may not, have suggested something when you were doing a number two"

She smiled and winked. He could not resist and pulled her in his arms. The temperature had dropped. But close like this, they were not cold anymore

"What about you," he said. Enjoyed dancing with the Galli-Walsh family?"

Her laugh exploded, and bounced off the buildings. "It gets me every, time. Your last name is the funniest thing. It sounds like a British person is insulting me."

He struggled to keep a straight face. "Damn girl, didn't know you hated it that much."

She shook her head. "No. I love it."

"Oh yeah?" He moved, closer still.

But she hissed, and folded her legs against herself to examine her feet. 

He looked at them, and guilt poured. 

She had blisters everywhere. Some were red, while others had already bursted. Dried up blood and water had seeped on the nylon of her stockings. 

"Sassara," he said with a serious tone.

The farce was up. 

"I'm sorry."

He exhaled and got up. "Why are you apologising?"

"Because I should have said something before it turned this bad."

"You should have. Yeah. But don't apologise."

Her lips disappeared into a thin line as she stared down at the ground.

And his heart sunk deeper. He didn't want to make her sad. He wanted to tell her how grateful he was for tonight. He was just angry with himself for failing to see through her tough act. He wanted to tell her how-

Just show her. Dammit. 

He took her hands. "Come on Boogie, let me help you."

He pulled her up in his arms, and then showed her his back "Does the new student want a tour by the Student Rep?"

That made her smile again. No words yet, but she was smiling. And that was the most important thing. 

She jumped, and he grabbed her legs. Conan could smell the sweat, alcohol, and smog that clung to her clothes. Like him. But her shampoo still hid under all that. His Sassara. 

He walked on, and opened the door of his building. They passed the courtyard, and arrived in front of the elevator. 

Sassara started sliding down his back. He grabbed her legs firmly, blocking her.

"Conan?"

He looked at the stairs.

Show her.

And started climbing.