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Dracors

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A bored engineer who wanted to write a little bit as a hobby with the dream of giving up on being an engineer.

registered at: May 27, 2022

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aaa

Jul 09, 2022

To:Dalion Alteri

Always good to see that building up a whole chapter for the sake of a paragraph worked :D.

Thanks for the time.

Idolatry

Chapter:0

Jul 09, 2022

That moment when you're surprised by the plot and think that, just maybe, you should have read the synopsis...

Getting surprised is good though, so I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad habit.

Sekaunmei: The Fate of My World is at You

Chapter:2

Jul 06, 2022

To:Deleted User

Seeing her ideas after watching Spy x Family would be both funny and scary though...

Idolatry

Chapter:9

Jul 04, 2022

To:Yammu

I would call her a black-ops operative since terrorists need to have their actions known to be effective, you see? Secret agent also works but is a bit of a stretch...

Idolatry

Chapter:2

Jul 04, 2022

To:Deleted User

Quite the Charism, ain't I right? And no one would expect the bright pink thing in the middle of the room to be an undercover agent, so our little security guard clearly lacks foresight.

Idolatry

Chapter:8

Jul 03, 2022

To:lukas53

Yep, it's now easier to read all right.

Chapter:2

Jun 30, 2022

The MMA thingy is interesting, but it's too short so it all seems like just a plot device for the bad guys to find 26. I also demand more character development for Nur before all of this happens.

Chapter:14

Jun 30, 2022

The different style of these two chapters work better than the older ones (even if it's not my personal favorite, but that's beyond the point), so go on, please, but don't drop characters out of the blue like the Luigi guy, you see? It's weird.

Interested to see where the story goes from now on though.

Chapter:13

Jun 30, 2022

This one seems better than the others, eh? Well done. Some grammar and the transitions still seem off sometimes, but a little bit more fixing and it should work well.

Chapter:12

Jun 30, 2022

Yep, I'm lost. The fight ended too suddenly and I failed to get how 26 fled, and the last bits wouldn't suffer from a small expansion, although the middle part works fine.

Chapter:11

Jun 30, 2022

Useful flashback, but it seems like three different scenes jumbled together, you see? No need to make each part a chapter, but it may be good to split the training/cracking scene, Markus' arrival and attack, and then Deus' death and the last talk.

Chapter:10

Jun 30, 2022

Interesting use of 26's skills there, but I think some extra explanation on how the weapons work and whatnot would be useful to set the mood better.

I feel the writing is getting better by now though or maybe it's just because there wasn't much of a transition this chapter.

Chapter:9

Jun 30, 2022

Things went way too fast here. I can see where you're going and what this should convey, but this time the buildup was simply too rushed, not much I can say about it.

Chapter:8

Jun 30, 2022

I think most of the puzzle in my head is starting to get in place.
The transitions are off again though and the locations jump a little too much, but that's that.

Chapter:7

Jun 30, 2022

We're heating up.

Chapter:6

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