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Dracors

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A bored engineer who wanted to write a little bit as a hobby with the dream of giving up on being an engineer.

registered at: May 27, 2022

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aaa

Jun 30, 2022

The different style of these two chapters work better than the older ones (even if it's not my personal favorite, but that's beyond the point), so go on, please, but don't drop characters out of the blue like the Luigi guy, you see? It's weird.

Interested to see where the story goes from now on though.

Chapter:13

Jun 30, 2022

This one seems better than the others, eh? Well done. Some grammar and the transitions still seem off sometimes, but a little bit more fixing and it should work well.

Chapter:12

Jun 30, 2022

Yep, I'm lost. The fight ended too suddenly and I failed to get how 26 fled, and the last bits wouldn't suffer from a small expansion, although the middle part works fine.

Chapter:11

Jun 30, 2022

Useful flashback, but it seems like three different scenes jumbled together, you see? No need to make each part a chapter, but it may be good to split the training/cracking scene, Markus' arrival and attack, and then Deus' death and the last talk.

Chapter:10

Jun 30, 2022

Interesting use of 26's skills there, but I think some extra explanation on how the weapons work and whatnot would be useful to set the mood better.

I feel the writing is getting better by now though or maybe it's just because there wasn't much of a transition this chapter.

Chapter:9

Jun 30, 2022

Things went way too fast here. I can see where you're going and what this should convey, but this time the buildup was simply too rushed, not much I can say about it.

Chapter:8

Jun 30, 2022

I think most of the puzzle in my head is starting to get in place.
The transitions are off again though and the locations jump a little too much, but that's that.

Chapter:7

Jun 30, 2022

We're heating up.

Chapter:6

Jun 30, 2022

Now there's a huge jump here and, to be frank, I got a bit lost even if I believe to have managed to understand the chapter.
I can't exactly find the right words, but there seems to be a chapter missing between this chapter and the one before it.

Chapter:5

Jun 30, 2022

Embrace the reference, make the pills blue and red 😎.
Anyway, the plot is going on, but I still think the transitions are off, maybe some more description on what's happening between each dream sequence would help.

Chapter:4

Jun 30, 2022

The backstory and the call are interesting and draw my curiosity, but the transition between the past(?), the last chapter, and whatever those two cops were is off (unless I lost something and didn't see they coming).

Chapter:3

Jun 30, 2022

Mysteries are cool, guys that vanish out of thin air are cool, arm-swords are cool! You know how to hit my buttons, lad.
I'm still having trouble reading some parts though. The opening phrase and when the hoodie guy appears to be specific.

Chapter:2

Jun 30, 2022

Seems very interesting in general and not only because I like robots as protagonists, you see? But my not-fluent self had some problems reading some of the passages like when they first entered the shop and what 27 said right after the cop's message. The transition between the two going see the Lord and that person spying on them was weird too, but that's minor.

Either way, take my two cents with a grain of salt and let me much through the other chapters now.

Chapter:1

Jun 30, 2022

To:Deleted User

Amy is really fun. And the best about her is that, if you think about it, her weirdness may very well create a completely different meaning for the idol word by the time she becomes something major.

Idolatry

Chapter:7

Jun 29, 2022

To:F.C Fondness

LOL! I think you're the first person to comment on my small easter egg there, you know?

Happy that you liked and thanks for the time.

Idolatry

Chapter:0

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