Oct 10, 2022
"Fuck you waiting for, roses and chocolates?!"
My sides. 😂
The way you work action in your story is phenomenal, and a large part of that is thanks to how varied your sentence lengths are. Shorter sentences have that immediate punch of details that keeps action flowing while longer sentences often follow thoughts to pull the reader in with deeper emotions. I've written action myself for some time now, so I hope more readers are consciously aware of how well you orchestrate those details in your work.
It's interesting to see how despite Jin being so loyal, she still was "disloyal" in a way that seemed understandable and even a bit relatable. I genuinely was siding with her so the whole thing with the Princep is gonna be an interesting character conflict. I'm sure the resolution of that conflict (or lack thereof) will be a core part of shaping who Jin chooses to be by the end of the story.
Great stuff.