Jul 27, 2022
Hi there, hope you are doing well.
In general, your diction is good and you present story details well. There are only a few small things that you can easily fix, like "Charles told me that he fell in love with me the first met we many years ago..." and "...his family expects so much from him and he needs to be carefully of who he talks to...".
Other than that, one main piece of advice I have is to try and make sentences easier to read using commas. I notice that you tend to not use commas when words like 'but', 'and' or 'since' are used, but the sentences are still a bit difficult to read sometimes, and there's nothing wrong with using commas a bit more often.
I hope that helps.
Good luck with your story.