lolitroy / Comments

lolitroy

122 Following

143 Followers

unofficial semicolon inquisitor

P.S: I usually read back as a courtesy but if you're gonna read JUST so I return the favor, heed my warning: I won't.

registered at: Aug 04, 2022

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aaa

May 30, 2024

again, goated
I started to read this because I found the cover to be cute, and the sense of humor and snark kept me going. As the story went on, I was charmed by the subtle yet interesting twists to the adventurer/dungeon fantasy formula, and then I was thoroughly fascinated by how the plot went completely off the rails and back. While there's some things that could be improved with the prose like awkward phrasings, mistakes with dialogue punctuation, etc. the essence of the story is legitimately gripping from start to finish. A lot of authors are pretty good technically, but there's "something" missing from their story, and this one's oozing with it.

What I'm saying is, I'm here to prove that I liked ur stuff before you become famous nah id win

Beyond the Dungeon

Chapter:6

May 30, 2024

I ended up rereading lol
I noted this last time and it bothered me this time as well so I'll point it out: 'spoke aloud unconsciously' sounds kind of awkward and redundant. I'm assuming you meant smth like they spoke without thinking, but still... I dunno, it's not TECHNICALLY wrong but it sounds weird nonetheless
also, them having history dating beyond two million years is insane and makes me wonder a LOT of things, but it's a short-ish entry so you probably can't dig too deep into stuff
still, what little world building we've gotten is pretty interesting, and you manage to keep it fresh even though there's many familiar elements c:

Beyond the Dungeon

Chapter:3

May 24, 2024

my headcanon is he drank a liter and a half and hallucinated the rest of the story

Timeloop Uncle

Chapter:1

May 24, 2024

To:sumi_non

yeah, unfortunately it's impossible to please everyone, but in this case the writing style is exactly the kind of stuff I like to read, so I had fun :P I'm also thinking of reading your contest entry because of it

and for what it worth, a common criticism for me too is an "esoteric" writing style so :P

After Winter Came Spring

Chapter:1

May 22, 2024

this is too sakurapilled for me

The Boat, You, and Me

Chapter:1

May 22, 2024

Big fan of the prose, but the dialogue feels kind of stilted, like you made your characters talk for the benefit of the story, rather than them being people. I dunno, kind of a nitpick, but when I'm reading I like to forget than "an author made it", if you get it.

Other than that, the reflection at the end was very nice, if a bit rushed. Again, it felt more like you as an author said 'ok, end of story, time to present the thesis' rather than it coming up naturally. I like that you treat the audience with respect and let us draw our own conclusions while also stating what you wanted to say, but I guess the keyword is... well, stating. There wasn't 'enough' before to really show that. I dunno.

Solid entry nonetheless c:

Distance

Chapter:1

May 22, 2024

goated

After Winter Came Spring

Chapter:1

May 19, 2024

what a time to be alive

When the Rose Blooms Among the Cherry Blossoms, The Thorns Aren’t As Dangerous As the Petals in the Breeze

Chapter:1

May 17, 2024

oh gdi that was fast
ill come back to this once there's like 4-5 chapters more

The Red Braves

Chapter:6

May 17, 2024

the 'joked sarcastically' line threw me off when that's all they do :P are you trying to avoid 'said'? said is not dead

man it's only been three chapters and I'm so invested in the characters already <:

The Red Braves

Chapter:4

May 17, 2024

goated dialogue
sometimes I got lost because there's big sections with 0 dialogue tags and I don't know the characters enough to tell them apart by voice tho

The Red Braves

Chapter:3

Apr 27, 2024

heatia's 40-day drought has concluded

Afflicted by Snow

Chapter:42

Apr 26, 2024

To:Taylor J

thank you for reading c:

This is how I end

Chapter:7

Apr 25, 2024

hello, I decided to read because a kingdom called 'humanity' is very funny

so far it's fine, but you keep swapping between first and third person so it's kind of confusing, and it doesn't really help that there's 0 dialogue tags at times with several people involved so it's hard to know who's saying what

TALES: Humanity

Chapter:1

Apr 22, 2024

is this the written equivalent to someone spitting on a canvas



Chapter:6

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