Mar 30, 2026
ok imma be fr it kinda just feels like 'and then x happened' so far
In a vacuum I quite like the prose, and it's probably one of the better ones I've seen in this contest, but it's weighed down by this pervasive feeling of nothing really happening? I get that it's supposed to be a romcom slice of life, and I can see how this would work in an audiovisual medium, but it feels at times like a novelized script rather than something taking advantage of the medium despite the good prose. There's a reason why slice of life is rarely done in a written format, and when it is, especially in LN, it tends to have a strong hook from the start. I thought the hook was the whole space alien princess thing, but everyone is just kind of weirdly nonchalant about it? Maybe it'll be revealed later, but the issue then is... WHAT is the hook? That he's afraid of heights? idk
I think it's fine on a fundamental level, but it's lacking a "point" for me. I'm not sure for how much longer I can read about these randos doing things, even if a lot of the scenes are good in a vacuum. It's very dialogue heavy and everyone speaks similarly and seems to have the same sense of humor aside from maybe Pera, which doesn't help? Elliso and Deji feel like Friends no.89568956 and the princess is oblivious genki girl no.89454895. Even Annin I feel like he's just kinda there, but he gets carried by the writing. I'm trying to think of other slice of life LNs, but they all tend to give an actual premise/hook from the start (and idk, maybe him being afraid of heights is it since it's emphasized over them ENDING A PLANET DESTROYING SPACE WAR, but if so... meh). My guess is that the whole war thing, which honestly feels tacked on so far, will pay off near the end and be a source of drama for the climax to happen, but I'm also not sure if I'd rather see it be inconsequential to the story at large, if only because that aspect of the story feels so out of left field that it might as well be them LARPing, but I digress.
On a more nitpicky level, I also feel like there isn't much rom or com so far. I guess the scene where they laugh together counts? But at this point she feels like such a non-character and Annin a snarky tsukkomi to everyone's bokke no.8495894 that while I found the scene cute, it didn't really land or seem particularly romantic. I'm also not sure if there have been any jokes yet? Maybe? Like I said, it's possible that they could work in an audiovisual medium. I think that if there have been jokes, they could benefit from the dialogue contrasting a bit more or maybe using the princess's status to the comedy's advantage rather than telling, not showing her being intelligent yet oblivious only for her to act stupid for 7 chapters.
I'm not sure if you outlined beforehand, but this could be a case of a lot of freewriting without getting the fundamentals down first? idk, I'm guilty of doing this as well which is why I've opted for writing and editing before posting... in theory anyway. I think the writing along could carry it so long as the premise is clear and it doesn't feel like a bunch of scattered events rather than a cohesive narrative, but I digress.
I'll enjoy reading this
