Jul 25, 2024
I think this chapter and the few that came before it made me realise an underlying problem that volume 2 has.
Volume 1 had the problem that too much time spent purely on characters meant a lack of worldbuilding, leaving the dystopian setting to be told rather than shown a lot of the time, but that was okay because it was early into the story.
I think the problem volume 2 has is that it swings too hard the other way. In this volume we’re introduced to three news settings with their own characters and subplots: the rebellion, high society, and Kit’s father’s factions. Because they’ve been so quickly introduced one after another without enough time to really sit with any of them and develop an understanding of them as readers, they all feel a little half baked.
This is very obvious in this chapter, where a lot of the emotional and weight that this fight should have just isn’t there because we haven’t had the time to see who Bear really is. We knows things about him, sure: he’s incredibly strong, he works for Kit’s father and he seems to have some personal reason to fight with Kit. But because this volume has bounced from setting to setting and plot line to plot line so much, we haven’t really had any time to actually develop a connection with him. It makes the moment fall somewhat flat.
What I personally think would have been best for this story would have been to have a full volume dedicated to Kit, Ko and Ekko learning the ropes of the rebellion and seeing the debauchery of high society, then adding in this further plot line with their father in the next volume. Having both of these happen concurrently means that neither has really had the chance to grow properly, resulting in both storylines feeling a tad half baked
I think the most likely explanation is something that I myself am just as guilty of: rushing to get to the parts you’re more excited to write. It’s pretty clear from your writing that this whole story about Kit and Ko’s dad is the part that you were looking forward to the most, and in trying to get to it without spending the proper time on setup it’s started to feel a bit half baked.
There’s potential to this story, and I really have been enjoying it, but a lot of it feels undelivered on. For as great as the main trio are, they feel like the only real characters.
This all to basically say this one thing: slow down. Give yourself time to flesh things out and let your characters breathe. It’s more fun to write when you’re just hopping from big event to big event, but as a reader it often makes you feel like the narrative is just leaving you behind.
I know this comment seems really negative (and long), but I really have been enjoying volume 2 so far. There’s a lot of interesting directions you’re trying to take the story.
Just give them a little time.
