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Writer, night owl, introvert. Currently obsessed with Nanami from JJK. Always obsessed with a good tragic story
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Nov 06, 2023
To:vicunyas
thank you! appreciate your feedback :)
Nov 04, 2023
To:Lei
Those are some good points! Thanks for the feedback!
To:Armonia
I wouldn’t either! There are so many good stories. Thank you for the read!
Nov 03, 2023
This is very clever! The second person works very well and makes ‘you’ a more mysterious, malicious presence. Really enjoyed this, especially the twist at end!
I’ve found another favourite. It’s playful, cute, then suddenly tragic. It’s like he missed something about S. Overlooked his sadness or something. I think I’ll remember this one even after the contest.
This was beautifully written and you made the 2nd person perspective work really well. It’s cool that the idea of Thanatos comes from a psychic. I like that the tone changes halfway in a way that shows acceptance and the ending is hopeful.
Oct 30, 2023
It's sweet, with eerie undertones. I liked the open ending. They're happy, but in an unsettling way. Wonder which path they'll choose.
Oct 26, 2023
To:Eika P. Cha
Thank you so much for reading and for the kind comment! It means a lot! I'm glad you liked it ^^
Oct 25, 2023
This is great! The last part is nicely eerie and ambiguous. I was left wondering if he’d been in a coma and woke up because of what happened with her? Very nice take and twist!
First, I love the part where you repeat 'but it failed' many times. It has a ring to it and emotional impact seeing all the wasted attempts, the dedication and care that went into trying to save the patient. I think you switch from 'He' to 'I' when writing about him going to ask about his salary in person. It's interesting that they are all connected, like they're really fighting to save themselves. I like that you end on a hopeful note! The fight hasn't ended yet! Good job and good luck!
This is such an amazing story! I feel it is so much more than a spin-off. You brought the narrative to life so vividly and immediately. I feel drawn to the narrator. I love the descriptions of August, how you drop us in the middle of a strange time in the narrator's life, meets the girl, and what happens is so subtle but meaningful. I felt the weight of it all carry through to the last sentence. So beautiful! Great story, and good luck!
