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Nyatoh

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Former pen names:
- Ataga Corliss
- Marshall Eastman

registered at: Nov 08, 2024

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aaa

Sep 28, 2026

comparing a character's voice to a balsamic reduction ... that's a cool bit of description I haven't seen before. Very creative.

A Lantern for the Hollow Quiver

Chapter:3

Sep 27, 2026

Starting with a nearly-entirely monologue chapter is a bold choice, but I like the way this fellow's thinking seems to chase its own (possibly well-worn) grooves. He reveals a lot, and hints at much more.

Only One of Us is Winning

Chapter:1

Sep 27, 2026

The battle choreography was clear and they're working well as a team, nice.

The Banished Lancer's New Party

Chapter:17

Sep 27, 2026

Low-key love seeing characters break from their own standards when they feel backed up against the wall (and then having to learn to live with having done it).

The Hero of the Mist Tragedy

Chapter:23

Sep 27, 2026

I must admit, when I read the part about the lanterns being infused with light mana for consistent emission, my very silly brain went: 'oh cool, I wonder when we'll learn what heavy mana is used for'.

A Lantern for the Hollow Quiver

Chapter:2

Sep 27, 2026

Congrats on finishing your story! Seeing the travels of Pan, Haku, and Elda was fun.

The Dariuwos guy though ... transparently only interested in the one member of the party who has been ranked highly according to a standardized measure of strength. He best start treating Pan and Elda as more than afterthoughts if he wants to be part of the group (my gut feeling: that's not what he wants, but he's willing to put up with it for a diamond rank).

Hakucho no Kensei: The Swan Sword Saint Deserves a Happy Ending!

Chapter:41

Sep 27, 2026

To:Literate_Manul

Thanks for reading! So glad you enjoyed it.

Keeping both of those romantic routes open might have been fun, but it would have shifted the focus more toward romance, away from the tragedy and return to glory that the prompt asked for.

Brochwel the Usurper

Chapter:42

Sep 27, 2026

To:Literate_Manul

Yeah, that would have been cool. Sadly I won't have time today to make an adjustment like that. Maybe in the (hypothetical) eventual revision/rewrite.

Brochwel the Usurper

Chapter:41

Sep 26, 2026

teasing us with Yuki having a wish, but holding back what it is for now, nice play.

Get Up, Yuki-chan!

Chapter:2

Sep 26, 2026

I guess I would be a bit salty about being thrown in a river too, but there's something hilarious about the mental image of an overly-cutesy magical companion blob bird scolding someone like a ticked off adult might.

Get Up, Yuki-chan!

Chapter:1

Sep 26, 2026

Whoever this Cyrus fellow is they have something to answer for leaving a 'defense system' like that in place. A weapon that toys with someone it gauges as weak is crueler than one that just kills intruders cleanly (though that would still be bad, at least put up a chain and no trespassing sign like normal).

Amaranthine: Dragon's Haven

Chapter:10

Sep 26, 2026

The narration in this chapter feels like it hasn't completely decided on past or present tense. For example: during the scene where Diana demonstrates her bow skills, one boy 'is' amazed, then the other children came over and 'were' amazed, though the amazement was in the present-moment of the scene both times.

It's not a deal-breaker, but it is a thing readers tend to notice.

Oh, and minor note: Diana scavenged some nylon, which at least in real life is a synthetic material from the 20th century. I don't think the prologue and this chapter locked down the time-period or tech-level (and they did update the contest to give us more leeway on the type of fantasy in a discord announcement). Just worth remembering that nylon suggests modern-ish to a lot of readers.

A Lantern for the Hollow Quiver

Chapter:1

Sep 26, 2026

To:rhedak

Thanks for the feedback. I added just a little bit to their bit of flirting at the end so they make it explicit that they're going to continue dating.

Brochwel the Usurper

Chapter:42

Sep 26, 2026

To:rhedak

Blast, did I not make clear enough that Tecca and Brochwel have landed on being friends rather than something romantic? Hold on, let me remove hand holding ...

And thank you so much for reading my story.

Brochwel the Usurper

Chapter:42

Sep 26, 2026

To:rhedak

Yeah, I guess that does test the suspension of disbelief somewhat, even if it's in character.

It was the idea I had for the fight to mirror the lesson Brochwel needed to learn here (his strategy needs someone else *outside his unit* to act in concert with, even if they're doing something else). Perhaps I could have come up with a way for the two generals to command their lines and still have it align to Brochwel's arc, but I didn't have the time with the deadline looming.

Brochwel the Usurper

Chapter:41

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