Jul 31, 2025
To:Moe Tie
Very interesting and very fair critique! I think the core of it is that I intend the reader to be a bit more invested in Sol and Luna and for their engagement with them, as well as intrigue about this new world, to carry through as a point of interest.
I think I may go back and add some more direct interest for Clint though, perhaps imply what he wants to do with the money earlier (He does have a plan, we see at the end of the arc) so we get an idea that he does have a drive and indeed a reason to want to do this quest, beyond just the general idea of money. Part of my intent with Clint is that he's very much a sit back and learn sort of character, so he's almost learning as much as the twins are from him by sitting back and observing. He's also meant to be more aspirational than relatable, so I didn't quite factor the idea that his disinterest may make the audience feel more aligned with him in that regard. I definitely understand this not being as much of a hook as his explosive initial arrival. I think this is the worst it'll get in the story, as the next chapters introduce interesting ideas, but you've raised a really good point about this little gap area where we're just establishing the slimes, Sol and Luna, but those are all more minor threads which have their appeal, but no singular one is a full backbone to bridge between the initial part of the arc and what comes next. Really thoughtful and intelligent comment, I really appreciate your feedback!
