QI / Comments

QI

Hi guys, My name is QI and I love to read and write poetry and stories. I'm always there on discord, so you can just add me. My username is: qi26. I hope you guys enjoy my works! Feel free to give me your comments, suggestions and inputs. Thanks a lot!

registered at: Apr 24, 2020

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aaa

Oct 22, 2020

Mh-hmm, I would say it is pretty good. Your writing is a bit grammatically off though. You can try reducing the number of commas and instead breaking the sentences with periods. That helps you to develop your ideas better and clearly while adding a bit of rhythm to the story by varying sentence lengths.

As for the plot, I think it is pretty solid and I'm a big sucker for romance stories like these. Though, Serena's character could be worked upon a bit more. She is naughty, shy, flirtatious, introvert, extrovert, brave and timid all at the same time. You can't have rverything in a character can you now! Ahaha! That being said, I liked how Haru is a bit shy but timidly plays along with Serena's advances. I think you might have given a bit too much info for a backstory (I assume this is a backstory. The synopsis said the main story will take place when they become high school kids.) but that's fine. It's a bit unique but a little off to read maybe.

Overall I would say you can improve a lot but the plot seems to be going in a good direction! Keep up with it!

Golden Souls

Chapter:1

Sep 08, 2020

Hohhh. The interactions between the students seem just a bit unnatural but I hope they'll get better soon! As for the plot, I'm waiting for the next few steps. The sound amplification concept is pretty good.

Normal in Parenthesis

Chapter:2

Sep 04, 2020

The writing style is so unique! I love it. You drop subtle hints everywhere. Good job!

Normal in Parenthesis

Chapter:1

Sep 04, 2020

Bruh. I've never read a prologue like this ever. Like ever. Also I get your point about the chapters being cringy. I feel the exact same way about my novel too. I'm always afraid to have people start from there even though it's kinda like the beginning xD. I look forward to reading the next few chapters.

Normal in Parenthesis

Chapter:0

Sep 03, 2020

To:Ana Fowl

Thanks for your comment! Hmm... Hmm... You'll soon find some similarity in the problems that will be tackled individually in this arc. I hope I can match up to your expectations!