Oct 22, 2020
Mh-hmm, I would say it is pretty good. Your writing is a bit grammatically off though. You can try reducing the number of commas and instead breaking the sentences with periods. That helps you to develop your ideas better and clearly while adding a bit of rhythm to the story by varying sentence lengths.
As for the plot, I think it is pretty solid and I'm a big sucker for romance stories like these. Though, Serena's character could be worked upon a bit more. She is naughty, shy, flirtatious, introvert, extrovert, brave and timid all at the same time. You can't have rverything in a character can you now! Ahaha! That being said, I liked how Haru is a bit shy but timidly plays along with Serena's advances. I think you might have given a bit too much info for a backstory (I assume this is a backstory. The synopsis said the main story will take place when they become high school kids.) but that's fine. It's a bit unique but a little off to read maybe.
Overall I would say you can improve a lot but the plot seems to be going in a good direction! Keep up with it!