Sep 30, 2025
To:peanutspersonally
No, i think i got every bit of subtly😅, it just, doesn't change the points.
You say that about Valiere but thats not what you've shown, you showed her spending days (weeks?) Rallying the nobles and concubines against Lyon. You can't then say she acts on impulse when you've shown shes in full control and orcestrating a plan expertly. It can't be cake and eat it, or atleast, if you really wanted to do cake and eat it, you'd need a scene where she suddenly breaks down in grief and demands the plans be cast aside and just attack! Instead, you even in this chap, show her calmly dealing with her hostages, calmly commanding a coup etc.
Shadow army is the same. Yes they've always been there, but theres a difference between having spies, and having an army capable of commiting warfare all across the palace capital. The sheer numbers implied in this chapter border on the absurd to have just been quietly going unnoticed😆. I'd understand if say, it turned out they had been hiding by pretending to be part of Lyons forces and then bam, surprise! But just saying, the shadow cabal had a whole army here as needed, unnoticed, is very convient at best. Like I say, lots of stories do it, lots of people don't mind that sorta thing, so it is what it is.
The harem thing is a bit vague i think. Your painting this as a rich otherworld culture, how should the reader know if Lyons wifes should be by his throne or not😆. In my world centaurs arn't court ladies but here they are XD.
The idea their that distance from him feels very underserved in this case. Like why? Are they all from political marraiges, does he treat them terribly, are they all secretly gay for Valleiere? As I say, them following her politically I absolutly get, like and think its established. Them figjting to the death in Coup against him, a Coup which from their persepctive, 'yesterday we were trying to get justice against Jan and Kairo - today lets overthorw our husband I guess' - is a stretch and then some😆.
Its not that your subtle clues are going unseen. I indeed know the shadow cabal has always been there, I've understaood Vallieres schemes to date, I did even pick up on Lyon not having a proper queen - but the surface story can't just jump the shark like that. The result for me is, Lyon and Valliere just went from their genuinely quite decent court schemes and proxy war finally coming to a climax -- only for that climax to be snatched away becuase apprently its time for an armed Coup instead?! It makes Valliere bluntly, seem like a total headcase moron and I think thats a shame, I was invested and excited to see her push Lyon into a political corner - seeing her randomly decide tonights the night to start her coup with her super secret hidden army - just feels like a switcheroo that ain't the sum of its parts.
And no worries. If I were in your shoes, I'd want to know the reader was engaged with the politics😎, I hope my feelings (which is obviously all they are) provide some insight on the reader, negative or not👍🙏
