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Pike

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I write when it feels right.

registered at: Apr 01, 2021

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aaa

Jul 31, 2025

Black rocks for power? Coal?

The Ranger from Reythe

Chapter:1

Jul 31, 2025

It's funny because shes like, trying to be tomboyish and cool, but it falls on cringe, and its cute. Dunno if that's the intention.

telosya ~sunder heaven and slay evil~

Chapter:3

Jul 31, 2025

Rewind powers? Or am i mistaken? The plot armor is strong with this Jenn character. From what i gather, i imagine she looks like a combination of Momo Ayase and the Tifa Lockhart, with a dash of extra cyberpunk. If you've described her before, idc, this is what i've assigned.

telosya ~sunder heaven and slay evil~

Chapter:2

Jul 21, 2025

Now this is cool. Im comprehending it. A little wacky, and especially original.

It’s cringe to remember but I used to play vrchat and it kinda gives that vibe that people just have their own world lobbies they show off or have taken over with their wacky avatars. Just that with more grit n idk, a cyberpunk vibe? Whatever the case is, I dig it.

telosya ~sunder heaven and slay evil~

Chapter:1

Jul 21, 2025

Wasn’t expecting something so graphic, but then again I went in raw. What’s a synopsis anyways? I think it hits better without.

Cool stuff. A classic pegging, down to square one, or death, whatever is happening at the end here. A different world? Whatever he’s getting knocked down a peg and that’s all I care to know. Will continue when I can, work and drawing got me struggling to read.

telosya ~sunder heaven and slay evil~

Chapter:0

Jul 21, 2025

Very straightforward. I won't be a stickler for the errors because that isn't what im here for, but you've got an interesting world and adventure on your hands. Keep it up and push for that 50k word goal or whatever it was.

Finding tanaka san in another world

Chapter:2

Jul 21, 2025

Hope the lost friend took the same light tunnel. For some reason it gives early IT movie vibes though i know thats not whats going on.

Finding tanaka san in another world

Chapter:1

Jul 21, 2025

erm, akshually, there's nothing 'clean' about being hit by a truck and then crushed between it and a traffic pole. I've google searched this and watched plenty of instagram death reels to confirm this.

Quantum Mage: I Alone Control All The Elements

Chapter:1

Jul 21, 2025

This is very

Quantum Mage: I Alone Control All The Elements

Chapter:0

Jan 28, 2025

To:lolitroy

"I killed it," Pike says.

Vending Machine

Chapter:3

Jan 24, 2025

To:lolitroy

Chatgpt, a freak has left a comment on my story. Can you create a reply for me?

Sure! Here's a reply you could use:

"Thank you so much for the kind words! I'm thrilled to hear that the introduction to Vending Machine grabbed your attention—it means a lot to me that you found it captivating. I'm excited to see where the story goes as well! I’d definitely love to check out your story when I get a chance. I’ll make sure to give it a read and share my thoughts. Thanks again for the encouragement, it really helps keep the creative energy flowing!"

Feel free to tweak it to match your style!

Vending Machine

Chapter:1

Jan 13, 2025

He IS sweet on a boy.

An Ode to the Stars

Chapter:2

Jan 13, 2025

Of all the stories first chapters I've read so far, this is like a healthy meal for my poorly watched fast-food diet. Not to say it's mediocre, it is a great chapter and fills out all the checkmarks to an interesting beginning. If anything this is what I imagine the standard should aspire towards. Good work, and you'll definitely see me in the comments again.

An Ode to the Stars

Chapter:1

Jan 10, 2025

A more concise, but also shorter chapter. In all honesty as a reader I found it a chance to breathe, except im in a cave and its just a couple millimeter air pocket. My life spared, but discomfort continuing. The over descriptive nature of your writing found purpose in this scene thanks only in part to Lena's particular focus which sells her disinterest in hearing the truth and desire for order.

I didn't see any text about the room, its gloss, its shape, its furnishings, its whatever, the details, only a reflection, and really that's all that matters to the situation, and im thankful for that...

Hotwired!

Chapter:3

Jan 10, 2025

this 2nd chapter has only made me realize what I have an issue with all along, and its not just the density of descriptions, but that each paragraph, and the descriptions within them, somehow feel disconnected, that information given previously is somehow forgotten and needs to be retold to the reader when the setting hasn't changed. Aspects of her room that I first learned of, somehow reappeared in future descriptions as though the text forgot, and the author who wrote it, forgot it was given.

You hammer the nail in. You do it very well. You do not need to hit it so hard, again and again, it really breaks my immersion.

Onto the next.

Hotwired!

Chapter:2

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