Sep 15, 2022
Hello.
Going into this critique, I want to be fully transparent— I actually take very little issue with this novel as a whole, and sincerely enjoyed what I read of it. I honestly think it needs more attention.
With that out of the way, I can move on to nitpicking :))))))))))
It’s not really elaborated on why Asahi is arrested. There seems to have been a crime nearby which he was blamed for, but it’s never mentioned what actually happened, just that someone was killed. This is really nitpicky, and I honestly could care less, but you asked for critique, so I’m trying to provide. It’s proving very difficult to find things I didn’t like.
The prologue, while well-written, doesn’t fit in with the first two chapters. It’s a good hook, though. I only wish there would have been a better transition.
This might be remedied later, I don’t know, but— your world building from what I’ve seen is a little lackluster. I find myself only knowing very vaguely what this future-era Japan looks and feels like. You might want to add a couple more descriptive lines where you can, but make sure not to break the good flow you have.
Honestly, I don’t have much else to say. I look forward to reading further in the future, but for now, I have a bunch of other novels to read, and that list is getting kinda big. Cheers.
