Jul 28, 2021
Hi there, just read two chapters of your novel, and here's an honest feedback from a cyborg who loves to procrastinate:
First things first, from a reader's point of view, I felt that some paragraphs were too long and made my eye turn into a scanner instead of reading thoroughly. I think a 'good' paragraph would be consisting around five sentences or more, which I apply as well when writing. But try not to bulk up information in one paragraph or else readers may skip ahead.
In an author's point of view, probably you want to build up the world by describing the things around the cast. It is good as far as I read it. But will be much better if structured nicely.
Do some research on English punctual marks and I believe your story will become magnificent and very interesting to read!
Final conclusion:
Your story will become better once you restructure the texts overall and put some punctual marks aside dots and commas like exclamation marks (!) (you might've put some in your story, I might've missed it, sorry.)
Keep up the good work, friend!
Cheers!