Dec 16, 2024
Alright, I’m here 😘 some thoughts on this chapter: I really do like Dorian. It’s clear that he cares about Avery and he’s fed up with the system he’s living in. Something I do wish happened is that the lost of citizenship status wasn’t so casually mentioned. Or like, was mentioned sooner. His mom said she was protecting his privileges, but that doesn’t sound on the same level as kicking him out! His mom was basically waggling his finger at her but I think it would have been interesting to lean into the tension of the pending council meeting. How does Dorian feel about potentially having his citizenship revoked? He clearly doesn’t like it there, so what would he lose as a result? What would he gain? He sounds like he’s not benefiting from being there, so maybe he’s excited by the thought of leaving with the excuse of being kicked out, and the only thing holding him back is his friendship with Avery. This is some heavy revision on my part so take it with a grain of salt, but suffice to say—I’m not sure the almost hand wavey tone Dorian has conveys the seriousness of the situation well.
Also, on a technical point—that book I insisted on reading? Had some very good scientific research and what makes people’s brains light up when reading. One notable finding was that common phrases like “making lemons out of lemonade” don’t illicit much of a response. If you want to tickle people’s brains don’t fall back on common phrases and tease something out of that noggin of yours.
On to the next one, then! Very much enjoying the setting, as I’ve mentioned before, so I’m interested to see where this goes.
