Nov 05, 2023
I find it funny that we both wrote male characters who did not seem particularly loveable. A face like cardboard, I have a pretty amusing image of him in my mind now XD
I like how the relationship was portrayed, through a series of moments, and there was very nice use of prose in it.
That said, I just wonder…I can’t put my finger on it. There’s something, an energy, that I feel it needs. Maybe it needs to be looser. A messier love? Or maybe your grip on prose is so tight it could behoove you to wiggle around it in a bit more.
None of this is concrete advice, obviously. It’s still very solid. I’ll look forward to reading your other entry too :)