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Lucky Lane

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registered at: May 11, 2022

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aaa

Sep 02, 2022

Good chapter, really gruesome what they did to Reiko's father...

The Arbiter

Chapter:19

Sep 01, 2022

Sad to see his mother still being a hostage to some questionable individuals in the medical industry.

The Arbiter

Chapter:18

Aug 31, 2022

Looks like Lobert got himself a cute maid :D
Scary foreshadowing for what deepfakes will become in a couple of years...

The Arbiter

Chapter:14

Aug 30, 2022

More scary powerful people. Nothing really goes for free... I hope Lobert didn't get himself in too much trouble.

The Arbiter

Chapter:11

Aug 30, 2022

Mmm, I found the bit about body modifications and their impact on privacy and security interesting. Especially for someone like the arbiter, safety is a top concern. You don't want the artificial eye company spying on him.

The Arbiter

Chapter:10

Aug 30, 2022

Time we meet some of the city's most powerful individuals. It looks like Lobert is up for some hard decisions about who and who not to support in the future.

The Arbiter

Chapter:9

Aug 29, 2022

Mmm, this makes me quite curious about Reiko's backstory. Looking forward to learn more about her

The Arbiter

Chapter:8

Aug 29, 2022

Glad that bodyguard came to good use!

The Arbiter

Chapter:7

Aug 29, 2022

Being an arbiter doesn't seem to provide him much more freedom than before. At least he doesn't have to deal with the stank of sewer anymore. Casper is now Christina... do I spot a transgender AI there? Interesting...

The Arbiter

Chapter:6

Aug 29, 2022

Great, now I finally know what an arbiter is! I guess no more sewer work for him... I am sure Marc will miss him though

The Arbiter

Chapter:5

Aug 28, 2022

Interesting detail that a 50" 4k TV is deemed a really bad one in this future. Maybe you could write out this chapter's last sentence with a little more detail so you can feel a little more impact.

The Arbiter

Chapter:4

Aug 28, 2022

I think you give us a good impression of how dirty their job is. For now, the idea I get about Marc's character is that he tries to be really helpful but can act impulsively at times.

The Arbiter

Chapter:2

Aug 28, 2022

Seems like a decent introduction of the characters Lobert and Marc and the grim, dystopian setting. The only thing I found a bit strange are the last three paragraphs. The tone and phrasing are really different, instead of writing out the story like the rest of this chapter, it feels like you give us a summary instead. In this case, however, it may be fine story wise to just remove them entirely.

The Arbiter

Chapter:1

Aug 25, 2022

To:Mila112

Yeah, your right. I am struggling a bit with keeping her present in this little story arc. I find it hard to write a scene with all 4 girls in.

Maid School

Chapter:19

Aug 25, 2022

To:Mila112

Ah, it looks like I made a mistake in the chapter. The line should have been: "Ti changed into shorts and a T-shirt, proclaiming she was allergic to water."
Instead of Ti, it said Nia before by mistake.

Maid School

Chapter:19

Lucky Lane

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