Aug 28, 2022
Seems like a decent introduction of the characters Lobert and Marc and the grim, dystopian setting. The only thing I found a bit strange are the last three paragraphs. The tone and phrasing are really different, instead of writing out the story like the rest of this chapter, it feels like you give us a summary instead. In this case, however, it may be fine story wise to just remove them entirely.