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swagmc

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Just a random soul pouring its absurd fantasies into stories

registered at: May 31, 2022

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Jul 17, 2022

To:IceDonut

Wait what? 😆 Okay, I guess, it indeed is confusing:
No, she did not kill Landini and Smoke, Bane did. I thought it was obvious by picturing Bane as coldhearted and murderous in general, him wondering where "his axe is" with a devilish smile, Va explicitly saying "I guess i simply dont have what it takes to be a murderer" etc. It's even unclear whether Va wanted them to be killed as she only wanted "all knowledge on how to rebuild the technology to disappear from this world" I guess its up for interpretation whether that includes Landini and Smoke because one would assume that, without Keiichi, they dont have the knowledge to rebuild the technology. So at best, she wanted them to be killed, but she did not actively kill them :)

The fact that they couldve just talked in Keiichi's house was the reason I felt comfortable with this absurd plottwist of Lenin suddenly having overpowered features. I, myself, hate it when authors corner themselves to the point where they have to make up weird stuff. But as the plot wouldve worked out just like that without his features, it didnt feel like I cheated something^^
Btw. in the very original concept of the last chapter, there was a fight between Keiichi and Va, having both of them suddenly using the most absurd technologies (e.g. Lenin having a flamethrower and being able to transform into a boomerang lmao). The rest of WTP watches the battle, wondering why both of them never made use of their overpowered skills before. Maybe I shouldve just gone with that, then my intentions wouldve probably been more obvious 😁

Hmm ok, I understand what you mean by "rushed ending" then. I mean I wanted to cut the story off with Glenn realizing everything. So in the very last scene there was only a very short timewindow left to describe. I guess you couldve indeed elaborated more on it, build up more suspense like having them approaching the doll way slower, mentioning how their heart starts beating faster and how nervous they become, the closer they get. I will take a look at it and maybe elaborate a little on it and I will also take a look at the Va&Keiichi talk and see whether there is something to elaborate on. Thanks for pointing it out! I do see the issue, especially in the last scene!
However, I do feel like the circle is given by mentioning her dices in the very last sentence, just as I mentioned them in the first sentence. I dont really know what potential other conclusion sentence I could add 😅

The WTP Club

Chapter:25

Jul 16, 2022

To:SkribblHanna

glad u enjoyed it!

The WTP Club

Chapter:25

Jul 16, 2022

To:Koyomi

thanks a lot!

The WTP Club

Chapter:25

Jul 16, 2022

To:IceDonut

Thank you so more for your extensive comment 😀

I'll just begin by copy/pasting something, that might answer the question you brought up in the beginning. Let me know if you simply missed it or if you think its actually confusing to the reader.
---
"Make sure all the technology here gets destroyed and make sure that every information on how to rebuild it disappears too! Do you understand? Anime characters must never again be brought to life. I'll take care of Keiichi."
Having said these words, Va turned her back on Bane and walked straight for the door leading to Keiichi’s house. A deeply determined expression graced her face when she exited the basement.
As soon as Bane was alone, his face contorted into a devilish grin. "I wonder my axe is."
---

Its really interesting how you felt like Lenins weird features were created in struggle of finding ways to make the plot work. You correctly identified that struggle in the scene where Emily is trapped because of a thunderstorm. The thing with Lenin however was planned out in my head for a long time. The story started out so absurdly and I wanted it to end absurdly. And Lenin gave me the perfect opportunity to. One thing to note is that I intentionally had Lenin remain a mystery. You don’t know what he even is, why he was given to Va, what powers he has and who programmed those weird opinions into him. Lenin after all doesn’t only have a jet feature but plenty of other crazy features like the lockpicking feature or the axe feature. God knows what else he can possibly do. Feel free to call it a cheap way of going onward with the plot, but I do want to point out that it was just the way it was always intended and not created in a struggle. ^^ I don’t know if you watched Soul Eater but there was this scene where the whole town suddenly grows legs and starts running. This kind of inspired the absurdity of Va simply flying across the sky with Lenin.

Also interesting that you feel like the ending is rushed haha. In my head I was rather like “that ending is so long”. After all, around 50% of the chapters take part within ~36 hours. I don’t know what else I could have addressed in the ending. I did write another background chapter that goes more in detail about Landinis intentions, however, it did not make the final version as I felt like everything was getting too long and I wanted to focus primarly on 2 things: The character developments of the WTP members and the struggles of Va. But Im curious to hear what else you would have added to the story to make it feel less rushed 😊

And no, no. These long comments are great. There was a lot of thought going into the story, so obviously i enjoy discussing it and hearing other people’s opinion. And as I said, I have started working on a new story and want it to be an improvement to my last story, so I’m happy to hear critique. Even if I don’t necessarily share every piece of critique, I’m still happy to hear it, especially after you were so invested in the story! So thanks a lot again for all the extensive comments and your thoughts!! I really appreciate it!!

The WTP Club

Chapter:25

Jul 16, 2022

To:IceDonut

what makes you think she murdered them? 😄

The last chapter picks up the questions you posed, so I wont say anything about them. I hope the chapter explains everything well enough so that there is no confusion anymore after reading it :). Just wanted to make clear that theres no 2nd Va, so you arent thinking into a completely wrong direction. As I didnt expect anyone to come up with theories of a 2nd Va, the possibility of a 2nd Va is also not adressed in the slightest in the last chapter haha.

The WTP Club

Chapter:24

Jul 15, 2022

To:IceDonut

"Emily explained "As you may remember, Va transferred to our school in 3rd grade and was originally assigned to our class.”

"Now that you mention it, I realize that I have indeed never seen her before”, Glenn confirmed.

"From the very beginning, Keiichi acted strangely towards Va", Emily continued "He behaved as if he was already familiar with her, as if he had been friends with her for ages. Va, understandably, seemed very uncomfortable with that. And then all of a sudden, she changed classes and I never saw the two of them together again. Really strange story..."

^ Quotes taken from Ch. 7 😄

Va was created prior to 3rd grade, decided to leave Keiichi a few months later, was then transferred from Keiichi's class to Sousui's class and decided to start the WTP club around one year after her creation. Sorry to disappoint you, but there is no 2nd Va 😁

In terms of paperwork, this surely can be faked. And in this chapter the struggles of Va worrying to not get along in this world by herself are adressed :)
I dont think theres any plotholes around the Va's story, but I apologize if some parts arent explained well :)

thanks a lot for the compliment😁 I do think that complexity is one of my strenghs as an author. You definitely have strenghs that Id love to have too. I think I already mentioned how much I like the way you described Kanaoka solving his cyber puzzles. I could never replicate that. Everyone has their own strenghs I guess😊

The WTP Club

Chapter:24

Jul 15, 2022

To:IceDonut

oh there might be a misconception😄 there is no "real Va" and there never was one. Next chapter is going to be the last, I hope it will answer all remaining questions 😄
Ive started writing this story in february. I just happened to finish it by the end of may and came across this site when searching for a way to publish it :)

The WTP Club

Chapter:24

Jul 12, 2022

To:IceDonut

damn, now I feel fame af, having other stories making references to mine 😆 But yeah, it indeed fits very well 👍

Root Access

Chapter:7

Jul 12, 2022

"If I joined a demonic cult that tried to summon artificial life"
ahahaha. I mean if Kanaoka doesnt enjoy his stay in Fujinami's club, he's always invited to join Keiichi's club. 😂

Root Access

Chapter:7

Jul 12, 2022

aww too bad. I thought youd go full Pokemon-plot and make the academy appear beneath the arcade just like the Team Rocket HQ 😄
And man that punishment is crazy. Threatening students with 10 years of prison? Really curious what secret information they'll be given that explains these crazy safety precautions. Maybe Kanaoka is about to learn about secret aliens and reptiloids 😂

Root Access

Chapter:6

Jul 12, 2022

To:IceDonut

Oh these are some really interesting theories! 😄 Props for coming up with that.
😎

The WTP Club

Chapter:23

Jul 09, 2022

To:IceDonut

ahahaha very mod-est😝

The WTP Club

Chapter:22

Jul 09, 2022

To:IceDonut

thanks mate :) yeh Ive realized a couple of days ago that I showed up at the featured novels. Really happy about that. No idea who selected it, afaik no mod had commented/liked any of my chapters.
Whoever you are, mysterious mod, thanks a lot!😁

The WTP Club

Chapter:22

Jul 08, 2022

To:IceDonut

I mean they had no reason to lie anymore at this point. Also (I'm aware I didnt mention anything that would hint to it), in my head Smoke had always been very sceptical toward Keiichi but simply couldnt throw away that last glimpse of hope. :)

I read at some point that turning the brains information into some kind of data and then implementing that data into a robot is within reach. And I've been asking myself the question you mentioned. Obviously, as Keiichi isnt capable of actually doing such a thing, there is no definite answer on what that Smoke-Dad-Doll wouldve actually become. Possibly, when talking to Smoke, Keiichi made it seem like it would still be exactly the same person just with a different body.

Thanks for the compliment!! Really curious what you will say about the final conclusions of the story 😁

The WTP Club

Chapter:22

Jul 05, 2022

very mysterious, very mysterious 🕵️
Imagine actually going to another town and asking strangers where a school is 😄 id be quite weirded out, if someone asked me and wouldve probably replied: "Uhh... do you expect people here to know every detail about this town? Have you ever heard of this new invention called Google?"
Well, it will definitely be interesting to figure out how Kanaoka managed to bump into people who actually know something... maybe he has been followed ever since he entered the town🧐

Root Access

Chapter:5

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