Sep 01, 2022
I feel like you nail down writing in the moment. The scenes themselves have a lot of personal flair to them, and even though I don't get many of the references, I can tell that you have fun putting them in. The interest characters and the quirky moments where you get imaginitive are the highlights of this novel for me.
That being said, it does feel like you need to step back a little bit and think of the overall vision of the story. Perhaps because you kept moving a few chapters around, it became a little muddled up as to what you were trying to do. There feels like a bit of a diversion halfway through, when the focus shifts to the class. To me, it almost feels like you are writing two books in parallel, with loose tie-ins to hold the Azama and class parts running together like a three-legged race. It comes together in the end, but I could feel the individual sides rubbing against each other, trying to do their own thing.
Still, the individual scenes were quite enjoyable and the class displayed some lovable characters that stole a bit of spotlight from Azama (if only because he wasn't there to hog it for himself).
Good luck with the contest!