Sep 30, 2025
Okay! So I said I'll be back for a chonkerpost. 'Can take the time to comment properly now that I finished my entry.
To be honest, this story gives me mixed feelings. I'll show my inner evilness, so you can axe me then.
What bothers me the most is the ending. The last chapter has not a last chapter vibe. If I was an unaware reader I would have thought that you were either lacking of time or words to write it. It's savage. While, since you chose to skip the battle, it's not misplaced per se to finish on a scene where Rina awakes with Selene next to her, it's so short and doesn't even sum up anything that happened so far, and after the long travel, gathering allies, all of Rina's reflexions,... There's a real problem there.
Another point that makes me pout is that, while you fleshed out some characters in the beginning, characters like Uruk and Karim remain vague. I have a certain idea of their personality... But Rina spends with them so much time! They're part of her party, of the friends she made in this world ( *hugs Rina* ) and yet you remain so vague. The special titles of Karim or Selene are stated, chief, queen or else, but it is hollow since just ''stated''. You don't ''tell''. Even if Rina doesn't get especially interested in their past, that doesn't mean something can't happen ( an event, a discussion ) to allow her/us to learn more. The enemies are also under-described, the nature of the threat is vague, and the battle occurs without that darkness threat getting truly in their way. I get what you write is driven more by your MC's thoughts than else but I believe you can do even better — without ''disrespecting'' them — if you use more of what narration may offer you :3
Also, last negative point and then I swear I jump to positive ones, there were many chapters that feel repetitive, and Rina's thoughts are kind of circling, without gaining particular content
But! Point remains that it is nice to read you thanks to your light-one-bite-sized chapters and narration. The first part of the story, I found it really cool. I'm not sure for how long it was... mmm maybe until they left for Marbug. More or less. That was dynamic, lively, and Rina and Selene were really given ''a voice'' ( Aki as well later, to a certain extent ). There are some chapters I appreciated for their dynamism, though it was more punctual after that 
Also it was a really great surprise to see you writing this kind of story, and you did a much better work than what I read before, so congrats 
the more you dare to try, the better your stories will get. You wrote such a long story for the first time, that's fabulous! Well done for finishing, you invested a lot of time into this story!! Waiting for a volume 2 
🎉
