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Dec 10, 2023
To:Loxwell
Don't worry too much about stats right now if they're not important to the next few chapters. The description of the cathedral reads fine to me, my main critique would be that it doesn't add much to the ambience of the setting, You could make it more ominous and fitting to the Blood Dome™- rather than a clock you could have an hourglass filled with blood for example.
I thought the MC would be the scammer. But so far he's been the one who's been scammed and left in tech support hell. 🤔
Great chapter! I wonder where the last scene is going.
Dec 09, 2023
Awesome fight scene! Nice to see darksouls mentioned in an isekai lol The MC better get used to dodge rolling. You paced the chapter well, but I felt Julius was a tad too introspective given the circumstances. Especially in the paragraph that began with "I felt like i had more control in a way" I felt him noticing slight differences in his reflexes in the middle of what could be a life or death duel took some of the tension out of the scene. Keep up the great work!
Dec 03, 2023
Great start, I like how you made the protag relatable, no too many isekais do that. Having your MC be an inanimate object sounds like quite a challenge, I'm looking forward to seeing where you'll take the story! 🙂
I love how you sent them on an actual wild goose chase lmao 🤣
Hi, great story so far. The hoard of rabid willy-mart shoppers had me laughing all the way through, definitely one of the most origional starts to an isekai I've seen. Nice to see the word callipygian getting some love. Keep up the good work!
To:Black Fire
Glad you enjoyed it, that's for reading! 🙂
Great work so far, feels like it's based on a true story.
Great job so far, keep it up!
Dec 01, 2023
Great work so far! especially with such a tough prompt. I don't think I've ever seen a story written in English use inverted question marks before, was this a stylistic choice? keep it up!
Nov 30, 2023
Hi, this story is a flash fiction based on "An invitation from Thanatos" and was written for the YOASOBI X Honeyfeed contest. Glad you liked it, thanks for reading!
Nov 29, 2023
Good job so far! You have an interesting writing style. The story almost feels like a screenplay with the way you approach dialogue. Thanks for the read!
Great first chapter! I like how you got straight into the action and made the magic system easy to understand. keep it up!🙂
Nov 28, 2023
Wow, that was a wild ride. I definitely wasn't expecting the existential dread, or for tale or Mr Milky Milk to go that way. Thanks for the read, great job!
