Aug 30, 2023
ok no but seriously, this is probably my favorite entry in the contest
if I view things as objectively as possible, I wouldn't say it has the best prose, or the best structure, or the most original premise out there, but like... who CARES
first off, I'm extremely fond of the characters
it's a trap when it comes to more subdued, gentle protagonists to not make them sound 'passive', and in eloy's case, I think he managed to avoid it
not only that, but I feel like even though he developed as a person throughout the story, his ideals were what helped him develop, even if his perspective on things changed, and I think that's portrayed in the narration as well
if I could describe the narration in three words, I'd go for gentle, introspective, but strong, which hopefully goes for eloy as well (it does to me >:P)
genta is obviously the more outgoing of the two, and the few glimpses we got of him REALLY showed that I feel
you know what makes a great romance to me? it's not [insert literary device here] but, quite simply, one in which the story could not happen without them supporting each other
leaving the competition aside, I feel like if they'd never known each other, even if they had won separately, they'd be in the same position as they were before
basically, even if genta had paid off his debt, he'd still have plenty of trauma to deal with, and eloy would've probably stayed put and did whatever they told him to, but
of course that didn't happen
because they supported each other from start to finish >:3 it felt as though genta made the story happen at some times, but then eloy would step up and carry things along as well
when it comes to standout characters... I'd say king
for obvious reasons I think lol
my one gripe with the story would be that outside of eloy, genta, king, and cristina other characters kind of fade into the background, even the girls, and I use that phrase to describe them intentionally
even other competitors like ryo and ren, ayaka, etc. stood out to me more, which is a shame because I feel like the girls carry plenty of emotional backbone
it might be because of the word limit, idk, that seems to be holding back plenty of authors
that said, it's still a minor thing and it didn't make me enjoy the story any less, because your two leads are so entertaining, interesting and strong as characters and as people c: it's one of the few entries where I felt like bashing my head against the wall because they JUST WOULDN'T KISS GODDAMMIT (which I would say my comments show quite well...)
seriously, they have more chemistry than... idk... can't think... but I bet that if I went to a bookstore at this moment n browsed through all the kidnapped by 1D fanfics that got published a million of them wouldn't be able to measure up to these two
I'm very happy that they got their happy ending, because, God, they deserve it ;-; I'm so so so glad genta could go back to college and so so so glad eloy can live as he wants to instead of silently letting things slide by
and like... I'm just saying... if you made a sequel... I'd be down... to read... just a thought... just saying... eloy-sensei's arc...
you also nailed the wholesome part :P imo wholesome is not mindless fluff, or a 'moe characters doing cute shit' kind of ordeal, but to show life as it is, a struggle, while also tinting the story with hope
hope that even if you think you've hit rock bottom, trapped in a situation outside of your own control, letting life pass you by because you don't want to upset the status quo, there might too be someone else in that puddle of darkness, looking for a way out despite telling themselves the opposite
sometimes what you need isn't a ladder from above, but someone to support you from the ground up, and who you can support as well
to me, that's infinitely more wholesome than 70k+ words of fluff, because it's the lows that make highs matter, and this story made me remember that ;v;
I wish you the best in the competition, and if for some reason this doesn't go far once I'm rich and famous I'll buy... idk... A1 pictures and force them to do an adaptation of this, and once that happens I'll force all the big streaming companies to add it to their catalogue, and then I'll tell people on MAL that there's an evangelion reference somewhere so they immediately rate it as 10/10, and then
tl;dr i liked it lol
