Sep 02, 2023
THEY'RE JUST TEENAGERS WHY ARE THEY SO SMOOTH
anyway, 2nd story I read from you :3 both stories have this strange sense of melancholy going on
with the first one it was more apparent because of the premise and themes and whatnot, but in this one ryo has a steady home life and friends, is highly talented, and seems to be doing just fine, but despite all of that, he's not, which is why he was intrigued by katsumata from the start, who wears her insecurities on her sleeves so to say (or that's my assessment anyway)
even though he has a lot going for him he's still not as confident as one would think, which is perfectly fine, even if it earns him contempt from others (much like ayano said, and even though keito is babey I could feel his frustration during the sports festival)
in that sense I kinda see katsumata complimenting rather than contrasting him, and viceversa
these last two chapters were my favorite by far, because it feels like they focused a lot on that sense of innocent melancholy I talked about before, even if I suspect the deadline rushed things, since it's a pretty open ending
I feel like I have a good grasp on the characters this time, their motivations, insecurities, dreams, etc.
they're all very likeable c: though I'd have to say my favorite is ayano, keito 2nd
I like all of them though
I thought the family dynamic was extremely cute
if I had to think of something to nitpick at... idk... mayybe that the ending leaves a lot of open threads, but given the nature and context of the contest and this entry it's ehh
with a bit more fleshing out and expanding on the characters (same as the other entry, tbh) this could easily be the alpha of its star system >:3
I also feel like the writing quality spiked compared to earlier chapters, but I'm not sure if it's a too little too late kind of deal, if it's because of the deadline, because you were setting up characters/setting/premise and didn't want to overwhelm the reader etc. so consider that a weird nitpick as well
overall, very solid, I had fun reading it, and not only that, it made me think about certain things in my life and the way I view it, which automatically puts it above the tons of also fun but admittedly shallow fluff I've found here
I'm really looking forward to see where you go as an author c:
