Don't have an account?
Already a Honeyfeed member?
An aspiring author who loves to write sci-fi, fantasy, and horror novels. I like to write stories about cute and powerful girls saving the day.
What is an Achievement?
Sep 03, 2022
If I could choose to Isekai into a novel temporarily, I would consider jumping into this one for at least 10 minutes. That's enough for me to eat a few of these cakes before jumping back into the real world.
Caramello skipping away took me out of the scene a bit at the end. It just didn't seem to fit right with his personality or that moment. However, that's just me being picky. I adored the way you described the dress. It made me think of Katniss's dress of flames from the Hunger Games with its vibrancy and intensity. The dress is such a great metaphor for Chiffon's expectations/dreams versus her reality.
Ahh. Never change Caramello. Never change... Or do change so we can get some of that sweet character development. That works too.
To:AWiddleStar
Reality definitely has a tendency to color our writing. I tend listen to ambient noise when writing for that reason lol.
As for my current understanding of Caramello, my best guess at the moment is that he sees a bit of himself in Chiffon. He doesn't want to make her lose control to turn into a monster necessarily. Instead, I believe he sees his own weaknesses within her and finds himself attracted. Kind of like the reformed Beast finding another Beast with similar struggles who has not yet made it to the same point in their journey and wants to give them a push to reach their level? I don't know. That's just my current guess and it's probably wrong lol.
There's definitely a fine line between completely hiding one's abilities until the point they burst and openly embracing them no matter how detrimental. It will be interesting to see how Chiffon embraces them. Also, Caramello's gift is very neat. I didn't expect the cloning.
Listening to ambient noise while reading really made this chapter hit hard. I heard the whisper of wind and chiming of a clock right at the point where her hallucination began. Once again, your description made the exploration of her trauma more intense and impactful.
Caramello's intents with Chiffon are slowly being unearthed chapter by chapter. Although I wish I could already know all of his secrets, half of the fun is in the mystery. Good job on using the unreliability of Chiffon's narration to showcase her slowly changing opinion's on him.
I've got the kleenex ready. Whether they are for cleaning up tears or blood is up to the next chapter...
Man, Caramello needs to be an actor. He has switching personalities down to a science. But real talk, this was another great chapter! Nice to see Chiffon interacting with the people of her kingdom and it was helpful in learning how others perceive her. I liked the way you dropped some worldbuilding in as well.
It's hard to understand if Carmello wants Chiffon to hate her or not at this point. I'm hoping that gets cleared up soon enough. Also, the description is lovely as always but it does feel a little overwhelming at points. It's a great way of showing just how badly Chiffon needs to be brought back down to Earth but it feels like it could be cut back just a little too be more effective. But it is certainly lovely to read. That description of breakfast made me hungry...
That lemon metaphor was wonderful. Your descriptive writing has been a real treat thus far.
And here we get the second nickname. It's going to be very interesting to watch these two get closer. I can already see where the comedy is going to come from. Great characterization! I do wish that we got a bit more insight from her parents perspective though. They seem critical to all of this as they have the final say it seems but her mom especially has faded a bit into the background. Overall, I'm enjoying this a lot and excited to keep reading!
Okay. I like Caramello for sure. I love the way you evaded expectations here. I'm looking forward to the evolution of their dynamic.
This is really reminding me of Brave so far in all the best ways. I'm really loving your use of description and language. Although, I do wonder just how fair this system is for Chiffon. Would she be forced to marry whoever wins even if she absolutely despises him or does she have some freedom in that regard? Just curious!
I, for one, would absolutely love to have Chiffon as my princess. A little blood lust never hurt anybody. In all serious, you did a great job at immediately giving readers a feel for her personality. I will say that the first few lines describing the princess felt a little awkward but I think it ultimately works as a reflection of how Chiffon thinks about herself compared to everyone else. Great first chapter!