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An aspiring author who loves to write sci-fi, fantasy, and horror novels. I like to write stories about cute and powerful girls saving the day.
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Sep 02, 2022
Pretty good use of foreshadowing! This chapter really began to show that Amy's personality is more of a facade than she lets on. I do have questions about the scale of everything. The city having 100 floors and the VR building also having 100s of floors is a little hard to picture. I would love to see it described a bit more. I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
I feel for Lily. I can only imagine the sigh she lets out every time she sees Amy back in that room lol. But, I'm enjoying the glimpse into the hidden powers surrounding her.
I don't think Amy's the only one with concerns drinking something poured from an arm. Nice little bit of worldbuilding here. It got a little confusing at times since it felt like I was missing some necessary background, but the extra hints about Amy's job are neat. It makes me feel like a detective putting together a puzzle trying to figure out what her job is exactly.
This world is already drawing me in with the little hints that you gave. The decision to blend victorian-esque aesthetics with futuristic elements is pretty unique and makes me want to keep reading. I will say that the pacing felt a bit fast and one or two sentences were a little clunky to read. Overall, you left me with enough questions to keep me reading the next chapter! I dig it a lot.
To:Dracors
I'm glad you liked that detail.
Hibiki can definitely handle herself when needed. She's tiny but stronk.
Hypno birb is best birb. And Hibiki's hearing range is pretty far. I would say that her potential has not been reached yet.
Your comments have been great! I've been loving the feedback. It's very helpful for the future. I'm glad the references to other team members have been interesting.
Also, you can totally ship it.
I won't spoil but it's always good to keep an eye out for anyone who looks shady. Although, sometimes first impressions can be very deceiving.
I'm glad you're liking it so far! I admit that the bird voice is a little confusing but I hope it gets clearer as the novel goes on. Thanks for the feedback on everything. I definitely appreciate the honesty.
This was a super fun ride. Short but jam packed with emotion. I was surprised by how deep some parts got but you crushed it. You did a good job with tackling some tough themes. I liked how none of the characters are perfect. All of them are a little flawed and make mistakes, even the MC, but that made me want all of them to succeed even more. This is one of those rare books where there isn't a single character that I dislike. I'm looking forward to your next book.
I was waiting for so long for Roscoe to realize what he should do. I appreciate how everything is coming full circle here.
It's great to see Ross slowly break out of his shell more. I loved seeing him stick up for himself for once
Your opening was great! You already sucked me in. I loved the beginning description. Also, I'm digging the subject matter. Stories about vtubers are so fun