Nov 04, 2023
SALVEE !!
I was surprised that you posted your entry for the contest almost on the last day. I thought you wouldn't participate. As soon as I saw it, I rushed to read it. I wanted to be the first to like and comment, hehe, I'm here to show my support.
I found it amusing that you're writing about corruption. We're quite familiar with that issue. 😂
I really liked the idea. When I was in the middle of it, I was thinking about how the title and cover would fit into the story, and I found the ending to be sensational. It was quite poetic and tragic, truly the downfall of a man who became corrupt. The part with Thanatos was cool as well.
I have one critique that I didn't want to bring up because you don't have a lot of time, so I don't know if you're open to making changes to the story. But if you could, it might benefit. I think needs some polishing. The story is good, but in the beginning, there are some parts with too much "telling" that could be lightened up with more "show." There might be a smoother way to get through those parts.
Overall, as I mentioned, it's really good. I was looking forward to seeing where you would take it, and it surprised me a lot. Creating a time-travel device was quite extreme, and the diplomat's downfall was sensational.