Doctor in Computer Engineering based in Spain with a passion for writing.

registered at: May 26, 2023
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    Published Novel Level 1
    Published Chapter Level 4
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    Participant - MAL x Honeyfeed Writing Contest 2023

    Sep 02, 2023

    YES, HE SHOWED UP! I loved that he put Isao first before anything else, even talking to Touma and the rest ❤️❤️

    Okay, and now for a more global comment of the story. In summary, I enjoyed reading it REALLY REALLY much (MUCHISIMO).
    I'm going to start first mentioning what I missed, so that the last part is all about what I truly liked: the ending was a little too rushed for me. I'm not sure if you had planned it that way, or because of the deadlines you had to leave a more open ending, but I would have really liked reading Youji's and Touma's conversation. Also, I was looking forward to a Youji/Isao conversation/situation when Youji's asexuality came afloat, so I was a little disappointed when I didn't get to read something like this. Once said that, I still liked the ending, and as I've just said at the beginning the fact that Isao's wellbeing was the top priority for Youji, but as someone who likes closed ending I missed more details. That's all :)

    AND NOW, here it comes the Bible of everything I liked:
    First, regarding the MC: I think Isao is a really interesting, original main character. It's true that at first it got on my nerves a little because he was panicking 24/7, I grew fond of them really fast. I actually laughed with the way you portray his inner thoughts, because he's a walking disaster and really funny to read. Also, I liked his development A LOT: I loved how he slowly worked with his self-worth issues (that sentence I mentioned you already, of: "Why me? Because. Why him? Because" really stuck in my head, it really shows his evolution), and how, despite his nervousness and fears he stood up and really did his best to protect Youji on his own way whenever he could. He really is a nice guy and deserves everything. Regarding Youji, I also liked how our perspective of him changed the more the story advanced. The fact that you often changed their POV was very well done, because during the first chapters, since we only saw Isao's, Youji looked more like the cool, badass with good heart guy, but as soon as we started reading him, it became evident that he's a pretty normal guy, also with his self-steem issues and doubts. Eventually, they both needed to work on loving themselves a little more and stop seeing themselves as punishment, and I think that together they're on the way of fixing that.

    Their relationship was very sweet, and I specially loved how kind Youji was always with Isao, but also the fact that he sometimes also lost his nerves when Isao got too intense with the 'you hate me' thing. They were really balanced and complemented each other, and I was really rooting for them from start to finish.

    For the narration: you are a PRO at describing situations that have a foot in not-too-family-firendly-territories and still make perfectly clear what's happening (Isao's constant innuendos in his thoughts always got me). Also, I think you really have a talent in setting the general mood without needing to invest much time in descriptions or even pointing out who is talking. In all the dialogues, you could perfectly see who was talking without you needing to add the typical "fulanito said", and I think that shows how well you protrayed the characters.

    Speaking of them, I really liked the secondary characters here: Rima, the Syndicate, even Mr Clarence who hasn't appeared much but whenever he did, you could feelwhat a nice man he was. I think that my favorite keep being Yamada though, I wouldn't mind reading a short spinoff or something about him because seriously, I really grow fond of him xDDD

    So, in summary, I REALLY loved Technicolor Spiral. I think it's a really original wholesome, comical, romantic story and I wish you the best for the competition. And of course, if you even think about continuing this or write a bit more of other characters or anything, be sure I'll be there to read it :))

    technicolor spiral