Jun 13, 2023
Good beginning, at the start we got good grasp what happened to mc behind the scene or backstory u can say. Here's few feedback, You used italics style and with - at the beginning which really confuse me at first because i was thinking it was monolog/inner thought of mc, i prefer use "[insert dialog here]" which people normally do around here.
Also there is some complicated words, u can say like 'Ren cocked his head' which confuse me at first. it should 'Ren tilted his head', use language that easy to understand so we easy to read yours. So far your detail about girl lied at first add little depth that the girl feeling/emotion about her life so far. Good work anyway