Jun 10, 2023
I had to blink a couple of times when, after that solemn chapter start, the MC addressed his mother as "mom" rather than something more formal. It's a bit jarring that the description is all in such solemn and dignified style, but much of the dialogue is rather casual in tone.
Also, you might want to watch out for paragraphs where two different people have dialogue lines. It doesn't work like that, you need to separate them to different paragraphs. Also, you should have at most one sentence in a paragraph to preface the dialogue line, otherwise you should start a new paragraph.
I have to say that the feeling of pretentiousness grows even stronger in this chapter. It feels almost comical. I honestly think you should tone it down a little.
This may come across rather negative, but I'm just trying to give constructive feedback. I still like your story, there are just some elements that need some work.