Jun 22, 2023
Definitely echo what Bubbles has already said- both for this and the first chapter. I don't have much else to say about the technical aspect of the writing beyond that. What I can give you is a bit of an insight from the reader's perspective who doesn't have the ideas of the character in their head.
When you consume enough media, you start to see patterns in characterization. It's like mathematical formulas; textbook definitions on how when a character is introduced in a given way, they will end up being interacting and behaving in a certain way. Say, a girl in class is introduced as being bullied- most likely interactions with the girl will be with her being uncomfortable to speak out or suddenly act normal. That's just how textbook writing goes. And for the record- Nothing wrong with that!
In your case, a lot of the time as I read the dialogue and character interactions, I got this same impression. Specifically for Murasaki- my thought process was almost like 'of course she blushes when complimented because she's super talented' or 'of course they have awkward farewell interactions.' Again, nothing wrong with this! I just find that it demystifies the characters a bit. Sure, they might have layers to them but if in a given moment, I am always sure how they talk or act it kind of lowers the moment to moment vested interest I have in the characters.
Sorry for going on a bit of a rant, I did quite enjoy reading through these 4 chapters. You do have something going for you but it's not quite there yet. I wish you luck in polishing it to a shin by the end of the competition!
