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XGrievousX25

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registered at: Jun 11, 2023

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Jul 29, 2023

To:minatika

There's a lot of flaws that were there in the old story and my editor recommended a new change of pace. More planning, more time, etc. Part of that makes me worried I won't be able to complete this for the contest in time. The chances of winning are slim to none, but the chances of me submitting it all are going to be terrifying. Regardless, this is HOPEFULLY going to give Fumihito some more character whereas the old one had a lot of trouble. Secondly, I also wanna try and give something that acts as a hard obstacle, preferably something like death.

And maybe learning about it more! Thanks as always ^^

Life and Death, Transported into a New World as a Necromancer?

Chapter:0

Jun 19, 2023

We've got some friends and a bit of info on them at school. Didn't stay too long focusing on school, some people tend to focus on that too much, but you gave it just the right amount of attention while dropping hints. Nobody ever drops breadcrumbs without a reason, but if it's what I think it is, that's going to be extremely tragic or somewhat heartwarming.

Though, if I had one thing to say? It felt almost rushed with the way Haru's on board to getting lost with glee. The characters are already superb in the way they are, but it felt like Haru was rushed? Maybe that's just me trying to think of something, but it certainly felt like a scene I'd see after some form of heavy acceptance or later down at the end of it all.

Regardless, keep up the good work!

Grace Dances Upon the Clouds

Chapter:2

Jun 19, 2023

A lucid dream. I admit, I've only had about four or five, on the top of my head, I could handle, and that was VERY limited. It takes a lot of patience and calm during those dreams if you want to even have a moment of control over them. Still, I think it's interesting to see Haru be the type of guy who has a rich lifestyle but just seems so unsure about his future, the idea of what he wants, etc.

I can't say I have any complaints. Some of the people in the comments have dragged up whatever I wanted to say and I'd just be repeating it XD. Otherwise, I like the premise! Though, I'm guessing this story has a tragic ending type of deal.

Grace Dances Upon the Clouds

Chapter:1

Jun 19, 2023

To:kazesenken

Ha! I always gotta love the nut jobs... Then again, they always make for the most intriguing ones, yeah? XD

Grace Dances Upon the Clouds

Chapter:0

Jun 19, 2023

Alright, this is intriguing so far. I admit, I'm a little confused about what exactly this is so far. I mean, the prologue says it all, so I'm wondering if our resident Grace is a natural creature of dreams or truly just a product of our guy's mind. It's a little strange, almost heartbreaking if it's the second one, but it also offers so much investment into something that could be beautfiul. I can only speculate since I've gone through the first chapter, but I think you've painted an interesting image of a dream.

Though, if all the products that came around before were part of the guy's dream, I'd feel strange. We don't know what kind of person he is, yet, aside from a general first impression. Now, I'm wondering if this guy dreams of scarecrows carried by balloons or if he's an isolated part, the way Grace steps into A dream rather than a realm of dreams.

Otherwise, seems pretty intriguing!

Grace Dances Upon the Clouds

Chapter:0

Jun 16, 2023

Now this is certainly an intriguing read! I'm going, to be honest, I was expecting a wholesome story with some drama mixed in that would cause some infighting between the two. The chemistry between our main duo has been phenomenal and you've breathed life into all the characters you've so far introduced into the story that it's genuinely incredible to read. You're doing amazing work here and the way you portray fear, panic, and madness as well into this little story is just MWAH!

I can't say I have any real issues. I think this is a great story and the horror aspect you threw in, whatever it may be related to whether it's part of the main plot or an arc, is just too good to pass up. Keep up the good work! ^^

My Morning Star

Chapter:3

Jun 16, 2023

And that's exactly what you want. Now we've got the story riding and we're introduced further to the main heroine/gal of this story. So far, I can you've given us some eye candy when it comes to music. I know they're not full songs, but if you wrote full-length songs, I'll be shocked, but I could be wrong. One thing I'll say that I liked was the commitment to lyrics and going on a song. Most people who tackle these kinds of stories USUALLY don't go that far, but you did.

You got my respect for that, and I assume you have musical experience by the way you write. So, that just made it all the more fulfilling. If there was ONE thing I'd want more of, mainly, I'd say...

Probably more of the main gal! That's not really a bad thing since we're going through introductions, but building up on them a little more would feel like a solid grasp of future interactions. Nothing crazy, but just enough to solidify that these two are gonna definitely hang out more than just through shows. Subtle, but enough!

Purple Prose

Chapter:2

Jun 16, 2023

This is certainly an interesting premise. I'll be honest and say that the idea of musical stories doesn't USUALLY appeal to me. That's mainly a genre pick since, well, I'm super picky. However, for the most part, this story's off to an intriguing start by showing off some of the characters and giving us some knowledge about your world. Mainly, your experience with music and the workarounds and backstage info that goes with bands. Lemme tell ya, I wouldn't know even one of these things, but you certainly gave me some information without bloating it or making it awkward. The pacing of the story's also pretty smooth and I can't say I've a real issue, but if I had to point out a flaw?

The ending. The hook's not half-bad, does a good job of drawing the audience in and THAT'S the moneymaker. The ending, however, feels a little lackluster to me. I just feel like it needed something a little more dyanmic? Striking? I can't be sure of that there, but it's a pretty good first chapter regardless!

Purple Prose

Chapter:1

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